He's Back
by Lee3
Summary: Lee returns to Hinata House and this time he brought a friend to join in the chaos. Chapter 12 is up.
1. He Returns

Naru: (Walks into the room and looks around to see Lee3 nowhere in sight)

Yeah, he's still gone! One year and counting, my heaven, my heaven (falls through a trap door) MY HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL!

Lee3: (lets go of the rope and looks at the fourth wall) Hi everyone, judging by the hits I guess you all loved that song-fic parody I wrote.

Angry Reader: IT SUCKED (throws a wrench and misses)!

Lee3: Well, in the first two weeks that song-fic had more hits than my first two fics had in their first year of being posted.

Angry Reader: THEY SUCKED TOO!

Lee3: Well maybe so, but this sequel might be better. At least give a chance.

All Readers: WHY SHOULD WE?

Lee3: (looks to his left) Come on out.

(Hanku shows up and the readers gasp)

Hanku: (waves) Hi.

All Readers: (freak) OH MY GOD!

Hanku: Didn't expect this.

Lee3: Hanku gave me permission to use his character for this sequel.

Naru: (from underground) NNNOOOOOOOOO!

Hanku: Looks like we're a double threat.

Motoko: (from behind) NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO (gets shot by Lee3)!

Lee3: Expect a lot of shootings, especially when the "Negima" characters make an appearance. Now it's time to start the disclaimer. I don't own any of the "Love Hina" characters, if I did Keitaro would have humped Naru instead of Gidget.

I don't own Hanku, Hanku owns Hanku.

Hanku: Don't you think that was a bit redundant?

Lee3: Sort of. By the way, this takes place a few months after Book 14. In other words, KEITARO AND NARU'S WEDDING IS STILL FOUR YEARS AWAY! I do own Katherine, Kathy and Renegade IV (takes deep breaths). Okay, here we go and please don't suck.

Lee3 & Hanku: RUN IT!

He Returns

One year and six months have passed since the Hinata incident and everyone's favorite Self Insertion character (more like most hated, violent and disturbing) is in his own dimension, in his hometown, in his home conversing with a hooded spirit.

Lee: Did you get that X?

X: (stoic) Damn, you already wanna start out with a prank as soon as you get back to Hinata House. You sure don't waste any time.

Lee: Remember, I'm not going alone this time.

X: Right, that Southern dude…how are you gonna get him there anyway?

Lee: (smirks) You leave that to me. All you need to do is play the charlatan.

X: I'm on it (teleports away).

(Lee walks to his computer and pulls up his email and does some stupid "Power Rangers"/"VR Troopers" pose.)

Lee: Cyberspace (a white and red skin tight suit takes the place of Lee's clothes)! I haven't used this old thing since that "VR Troopers" craze ten years ago (he hits the send button and then leaps into the computer).

(A.N.: THIS IS NOT A CHAT ROOM SCENE!)

(Dallas, Texas)

: (Looks at his email) Hey, I got email (checks his inbox and half of Lee's body pops out of the screen). WHOA (falls backwards)!

Lee: Hey Hanku (squirms his way out of the computer), you ready?

Hanku: (gets up) What's with the suit?

Lee: I just thought it looked cool (reverts back into his regular clothes).

Hanku: _You looked like an idiot._ (grabs his green duffel bag and his samurai sword)

Lee: Let's go (grabs Hanku's shoulder and they both teleported out of their dimension)!

(Five minutes and one fuck up later)

The two Americans reached the beach of Okinawa or to be exact "fell" onto the beach of Okinawa.

Hanku: Ow, I landed on my head!

Lee: If your author let's mine put you in any more of his fics after this one you'll get used to it.

Hanku: (Makes the "What the Fuck" face) Get used to it? This happens to you all the time!

Lee: Yes, and this is your second time right?

Hanku: Don't remind me. _I can't believe falling 300 ft. and landing on something always happens to him._ Where are we, and are we in the right dimension this time?

(A.N.: Hanku also gave me permission to use his character in a Soul Caliber 2 fic, which takes place a few months before this one. I'm taking a break from it to write this fic, but I will finish it.)

Lee: (annoyed) First of all: yes, we are in the right dimension and second Okinawa.

Hanku: Really how do you know?

Lee: Because I just saw Mutsumi's idiot mother get hit by another ship (points to a bleeding Natsumi).

Hanku: (sees Natsumi revive and looks away) So, are you gonna teleport us to Hinata House?

Lee: I could, but where's the fun in that (walks to the ocean with Hanku following close behind)?

Hanku: We could fly there you know.

Lee: Too clichéd, I want to travel by ocean since I haven't done that in eight years.

Hanku: (smirks) I'm sensing your sense of adventure, so what are we traveling in?

Lee: (points to the ocean and a blue Jet-ski appears) This Jet-ski I created (Hanku face-faults and falls).

Hanku: (pissed) YOU DUMBASS, THIS ISN'T THE X-GAMES OR "WAVERACE"!

Lee: (gets on the jet-ski) I thought you were sensing my sense of adventure, don't tell me you got lost in less than 20 seconds.

Hanku: I didn't get lost, but c'mon man…a Jet Ski?

Lee: Didn't your parents ever tell you that looks can be deceiving?

Hanku: They also taught me about getting only one chance to make a first impression.

Lee: Well here is a lesson I'll teach you (sound demonic), don't ever underestimate my creations…NOW GET ON (Hanku complies a Lee starts the engine and they take off across the water)!

Hanku: (Not impressed) I'm still don't see (Lee accelerates to NASCAR speeds) HELLO!

Lee: (almost pissed off) Does this impress you?

Hanku: Yeah (notices Lee pull out a cell phone). Who are you calling?

Lee: (dials the numbers) Keitaro…it's prank related.

(Hinata House: 37 minutes ago)

Ah, Hinata House an all girls dormitory full of sweet, loving ah fuck it! It contains a Scandalous Ho, two Bitches with anger issues, a Prankster Princess, a chick who needs Ritalin, the occasional visit from a Dumbass and Bitchy Aunt, a shy girl who is the only semi normal one and the fuckin' pussy who runs it all.

Now normally Keitaro would be flying through a window right now, but lately Naru has been treating him like a person. Everything seems quiet, but in a few seconds, the haywire begins again and it all starts with a knock at the door.

(A knock is heard)

Keitaro: I got it (walks to the front door and opens it to discover a 6'8" hooded figure with glowing red eyes, which are the only things visible and are scaring Keitaro some)! GUYS (the girls ran to the front door ready to fight)!

Motoko: What's wrong (sees X)? DIE DEMON (charges at X, but he grabbed her sword and punched her hard in the stomach leaving her barely conscious)!

X: (emotionless) Excuse me, I was wondering if I could stay here until my master arrives.

(A.N.: X severed his emotions when he was a child, mainly because he was always alone.)

Keitaro: Who is your master?

X: I believe you all know who he is since he was the only Black guy you've all had in this dorm.

Naru: (shocked) LEE IS YOUR MASTER, THEN WHO ARE YOU!

X: I'm simply known as X.

Naru: (smirks) That's a dumb name.

X: (sarcastic while emotionless) Yeah and Naru is a good name.

Kitsune: How did…?

X: Let's just say I've been here before (walks in and sits on the couch).

Kitsune: (whispers) It's Lee.

Keitaro: How can you tell?

Kitsune: Use your head, Lee always punks us, and throw in his counter attack against Motoko and his stoicism.

Naru: (speaks aloud) That's a good claim and premises but how do we know if it's Lee or not?

X: Hey, I'm not Lee you dumb fucks!

Naru: It's him.

X: _Damn they're dumb._

Shinobu: Maybe it's not Lee, maybe it's someone that's not human.

Naru: Shinobu, Lee was not human.

Sarah: That was mean.

Naru: But it's accurate.

Su: (being as hyper as ever) I've got something that could determine the identity of our mystery man, I'll see you guys in bit (runs to her room).

The residents were contemplating ways to expose X (if that's possible), but before they actually came up with a plan the phone rang.

Keitaro: (answers the phone) Hello?

Lee: Yo K-Dawg.

Keitaro: Lee?

Lee: (sarcastic) No, it's Haitani of course it's me you idiot! I'm back in town, I'm going to Tokyo and then I'm coming to you.

Keitaro: Tokyo…OH MY GOD!

Lee: (holding his ears) OW! WHAT THE HELL MAN!

Keitaro: I forgot that Kanako is coming back today, AT THE TOKYO AIRPORT!

Lee: I'm going to assume that you want us to go get her.

Keitaro: Will you please? I have someone here and I can't get away right now.

Lee: Is that X?

Keitaro: (quizzical) Yes.

Lee: Tell him I'll be there soon (hangs up). Fuckin' spaz.

Keitaro: (hangs up the phone) Did he say us?

Kitsune: (appears out of nowhere) Who was it?

Keitaro: That was Lee and he is going to pick up Kanako at the airport.

Naru: (pissed) You idiot, that wasn't Lee that was a clone sent by Lee to throw us off.

Shinobu: Maybe that really was Lee.

Sarah: Sorry Shinobu, but I'm going to agree with Naru on this one.

X: _Got you._

(Back in the ocean heading towards Tokyo)

Hanku: So let me get this straight, because of Keitaro's forgetfulness we now have to pick up Kanako at the airport.

Lee: Is that a problem?

Hanku: Not really, but you might want to evade those two torpedoes behind us.

Lee: (turns his heads and sees the torpedoes closing in) Fuck. Hey Hanku, go frag them with your SG5.

Hanku: (already aiming at the torpedoes) Already on it (fires 5 rounds per torpedo and they explode). Yeah (turns to find Lee using Laser Eyes to destroy a third torpedo that was heading right for them, it exploded a few seconds later), awesome! (Lee turns to the right and stops the jet-ski) What's going on?

Lee: (stares at a Battleship that was 200yards away) There's a Battleship up ahead (hands Hanku a mini telescope), look through this.

(Hanku looks through the eyeglass and zooms in to see a 6'8" light skinned girl who was 26 years old, with blue eyes and long orange and blonde hair that reached down to her voluptuous ass. She wore a one-piece red bathing suit that emphasized her Double D chest.)

Hanku: (ecstatic) DAMN, THERE IS A HOT CHICK LEADING AN ATTACK (removes the eyeglass and sees Lee really pissed off which was all surprising to Hanku)! What's wrong?

Lee: (sounding demonic) I hate Katherine.

Hanku: So that's her name…is she an enemy of yours?

Lee: (sarcastic) Gee, what was your first clue?

Hanku: Your face.

Lee: That bitch is Renegade's older cousin and she is in love with me.

Hanku: So why are you angry? If anything you would be a lucky…

Lee: (really pissed) SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!

Hanku: Oh (notices Lee start the jet-ski and rocket's towards the Battleship at maximum speed, which is so fast even the NASCAR drivers would say "Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmnnnn."). Whoa, wait, what are you doing?

Lee: I GONNA DESTROY THEM ALL (pushes a button that activates an Energy Buzz saw at the front end of the jet-ski)!

Katherine: (sees Lee and Hanku rushing towards her ship) FIRE FULL ARSENAL (All of her ship's cannons, Laser cannons, Missile Launchers and Torpedo bays fired all shots at Lee and Hanku. All of the shots were evaded, but the missiles and torpedoes are now chasing them.)! Does he think I'm stupid enough to…(Hears the noise of the Buzz saw slicing through the ship at a fantastic speed. Katherine runs into the bridge to confront her little sister, Kathy about the crisis.) Kathy, Status-report.

Kathy: (panicky) We're in trouble, Lee sliced through the ship!

Katherine: Nooooo!

Kathy: I guess you'll hate this news.

Katherine: WHAT (looks at the radar and sees the missiles and torpedoes headed right for them)! Oh…

Kathy: …shit!

The Battleship explodes, but Katherine and Kathy teleported out of there before the explosion and the ship going Titanic. Lee and Hanku on the other hand sped off for Tokyo flipping off the wreckage behind them.

(Back at Hinata House)

Naru, Kitsune, Su, Sarah, Motoko: Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, LEE, (X continues to ignore them)! X?

X: (opens his eyes and breaks meditation) What do you want?

Su: (hand him a red drink that clearly read "Truth Serum" on the label) Try this Truth Serum (smiles).

(A.N.: So much for being secretive Kaolla.)

X: I'm a ghost I don't consume anything.

Sarah: (smiles evilly while singing) Are you sure?

X: (breaks the bottle over Kitsune's head, knocking her out) Yes, I am.

Motoko: (points her sword at him) Then how were able to break that bottle over Kitsune's head, X, if that's your real name.

X: Just because I'm a ghost doesn't mean I can't hold solid objects, now get that sword out of my face.

Motoko: Make me (X grabbed the sword and ripped it out of the kendo girl's hand, kicked her in the stomach, then cut her chest with her own sword and finally he threw it into the ceil where it's currently stuck.).

Keitaro: (stares in amazement) Damn.

Naru: Very much like Lee.

(A.N.: You morons still thinking that?

(Meanwhile)

Hanku and Lee reached Tokyo and when Lee called for his truck (a green 1997 Ford 150) he got a surprise from I.R.I.S.

Hanku: That's your truck!

Lee: This is the truck I just completed but I called for my other pickup truck, the one my dad bought the year it came out.

I.R.I.S.: Let me explain: Due to the fact that two years passed in this world as to the year and six months in your world you both were aged two years upon arrival.

Hanku: So I'm 22 and he's 23?

I.R.I.S.: Precisely, so I sent this truck to accommodate your bodies.

Lee: Because I'm now 7'1" and Hanku is 6'5"?

I.R.I.S.: Exactly, now hurry up and pickup Kanako at the airport!

Hanku: (sarcastic) Nice A.I.

Lee: A smart-ass but reliable. (They both got inside the red and black pickup that looks like Lee's Ford truck only bigger, badder and armed to the teeth)

Hanku: Let's go!

Lee: You're enjoying this aren't you (starts the engine)?

Hanku: Yep.

They drove off unaware that someone put a tracking device on the front left car door.

Kathy: (on the roof talking on a Walkie-Talkie) They're heading your way big sis.

(A.N.: Kathy is 19 years old and looks like Katherine except she's 14 inches shorter and has blue hair. She idolizes her big sister so much she dresses like her…oh and she's equally horny.)

Katherine: (Inside a huge Big Rig a few miles away) Copy that, I'll nail them as soon as I see them.

Kathy: Big sis?

Katherine: Yes little sis?

Kathy: If we do manage to capture Lee, can I "play" with his friend?

Katherine: That depends, are you going to kill him when you're done with him?

Kathy: (excited) YOU BET I WILL!

Katherine: Okay.

Kathy: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!

(Back to the two Americans)

Hanku: How much further is the airport?

Lee: Just a few more miles.

Hanku: You said that 20 minutes ago and would it kill you to go faster than 50 M.P.H. since there's nobody here?

Lee: Hey, I just noticed that…something isn't right. Tokyo is like New York City, only there are only Japanese people and the traffic is better…well sort of.

Hanku: Are you saying that…(a gigantic Big Rig crashes through some buildings that the two men just passed, both vehicles stopped and both Lee and Hanku looked in the rearview mirror to see Katherine flirting with Lee and Kathy, just getting in the truck and starts waving at Hanku) Dude, they're flirting with us…do they want to have sex or something?

Lee: (hits the accelerator) More like rape and homicide!

Kathy: Let's get 'em!

Katherine: (hits the accelerator to give chase) You're mine.

No matter how fast Lee and Hanku were going, the bounty hunting nymphomaniacs would match their speed. The two Americans were at a huge disadvantage because whenever they turned a corner the bounty hunters would cut them off by driving through buildings. Of course Lee would put it in reverse, back out into the intersection and the chase would resume. This went on for 15 minutes until they saw the airport.

Hanku: There it is!

Lee: That's cool and all, but we still have those hoes behind us.

Hanku: (snickers) Yeah, look at Katherine try to aim that stupid gun (hears a shot fired and then looks to his left to see a little electronic spear sticking in the left front door) Oh shit!

Lee: (notices the deceleration) Dammit, that mini harpoon is screwing up the engine (rows down the driver's window and the rear window)! Hanku…

Hanku: (brings out the SG5 Commando) On it.

Lee: You won't be able to damage the truck, but at least you'll prevent them from shooting us with another mini harpoon or whatever that thing is.

(Hanku shoots at the truck while Lee took 30 seconds to pull the electronic mini harpoon out. After that Hanku ran out of ammo so Lee rowed both windows up and hit the accelerator.)

Hanku: It's nice to have the accelerator back, but we still have those two babes on our tail.

Lee: Xtreme Machine: Level 2 (hits a red button that causes a stick with a button marked "Nitro" to appear)!

Hanku: That's it?

Lee: That, two boosters and an engine that can take the higher speeds (hits the button and the truck rockets towards the airport).

Hanku: (laughing) THIS IS FRICKIN' AWESOME (notices something stuck on the electronic harpoon)! Hey, what's this (grabs the stick and notices the destroyed tracer on the end)? Look at this.

Lee: (sees the tracer) Looks like Katherine inadvertently shot her own tracer.

Hanku: Those two have got to be feeling like idiots right about now.

Katherine: Activate rocket boosters.

Kathy: (uneasy) Uh, they're not finished yet.

Katherine: Damn, how fast are they going?

Kathy: (looks at her speed gun) They've reached 300, 450mph…they're gone.

Katherine: (chuckles) We can always follow them.

Kathy: But you just destroyed the tracer when you shot his door.

Katherine: (pissed) GODDAMMIT!

Hanku: Did you hear something?

Lee: Yeah and I don't care.

They reached the airport and Lee reverted the truck back to level 1 and parked dead in front of the airport, which was fortunately behind a bunch of cars and trucks. They got out and I.R.I.S. started the self-fix program.

Hanku: That's cool that your truck has a self-fix program.

Lee: Hey, I.R.I.S. deserves some of the credit.

I.R.I.S.: (sweetly) Thank you Lee.

Lee: Your welcome I.R.I.S. _You smartass bitch._

(They entered the building while at the same time Kanako emerged from the escalator holding her bag.)

Kanako: _Where is big brother?_

(While the Goth girl walks towards the entrance, Lee and Hanku are standing around making a sign.)

Hanku: Are you sure she is gonna be able to read that?

Lee: (holds up the sign marked "KANAKO" in English) Look at it this way, half of the country speaks English and throw in the fact that Kanako has traveled throughout this world with the severely over hyped Grandma Hina, thus increasing her chances of being a part of the English speaking half.

Hanku: But doesn't you author already make it to where everybody understands us regardless of the language barrier?

Lee: Well…uh…aw damn I lost my train of thought.

Kanako: (appears out of nowhere) Excuse me, you wouldn't be Lee by any chance would you?

Lee: (turns to see Kanako looking up at him) Yes I am and you're Kanako Urashima.

Kanako: Exactly, who's this (points at Hanku)?

Hanku: My name is Hanku Royiaki, Martial Arts Champion Extraordinaire!

Lee: (annoyed) You love to sling that title around whenever you're in an area where no one recognizes your White-ass.

Hanku: At least I have a legitimate title.

Lee: Listen Tex, I've earned a lot of titles and I don't think you want to find out the hard way.

Kanako: (annoyed with both of them) Hey, egos aside can we going?

Lee & Hanku: (still eyeing each other) Yeah whatever.

(The three left the building and loaded Kanako's bag in the trunk, but Lee saw two giant Big Rigs lined up one behind the other. The one in the back was Katherine's and the one in front belonged to Renegade IV it had "Omin-X are punk bitches on it.)

Lee: Aw shit, how did Renegade IV get here?

Hanku: Aw man, were gonna be here all day.

Lee: Who would have thought that picking up Kanako due to Keitaro's incompetence would attract those assholes.

Kanako: Excuse me for living.

Hanku: I got an idea wait here (sneaks towards Katherine's truck).

Kanako: What's he doing?

Lee: He's gonna hook Katherine's truck to Renegade's.

Kanako: This I gotta see.

Lee: Excellent, for second there I thought I was going to have to explain humor to you.

(While Hanku was sneaking towards Katherine's truck, the two sisters were conversing with their cousin who was still in his truck.)

Katherine: He's got to come out sometime.

Renegade IV: So you can fuck and kill him.

Katherine: (eyes sparkle) Yep.

Renegade IV: What is wrong with the women in this family?

Kathy: Who knows, who cares?

Renegade IV: Any normal humanoid.

Kathy: You're just mad because you don't have a girlfriend.

Renegade IV: (annoyed) If I did I wouldn't want her to meet this crazy family of ours.

(Hanku already hooked the two vehicles together and he rushed back to Lee and Kanako.)

Kanako: (smirked) This is gonna be good.

Renegade IV: I'm gonna go (starts the engine). I have more important things to do right now (he drove off, but the chain pulled on Katherine's truck, which was still in park and half of the front end of the truck got ripped off and dragged while falling apart. Kathy chased down the part being dragged while Katherine starts crying about her loss.)

Katherine: (sobbing) Oh my poor truck! Oh god, Oh god…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

(Lee, Hanku and Kanako were laughing their asses off as they got into the truck.)

Kanako: That was awesome.

Hanku: Thanks.

Lee: I got to be serious for a second (everyone stops laughing). That was a very mean thing you…(snickers and then laughs) I couldn't finish that statement with a straight face (starts the engine and drives off)!

Hanku: (excited) Hey, hey, flip her off (Lee drives by Katherine, honks the horn and the two Americans and the Japanese Goth girl proceeded to flip of the sobbing girl before flooring it)!

Katherine: (pissed and still crying) YOU BASTARDS!

Kanako: Did you guys hear something?

Hanku: Yes.

Lee: Don't care. Hey Kanako check out this phat beat, it's probably different than what you're used to (starts blasting the Beastie Boys).

Kanako: (mellow) Heard it, don't care.

Hanku: Maybe I should blast some Toby Keith.

Lee, Kanako & I.R.I.S.: How about not!

To Be Continued…

Antics: I'm Back Bitches

Lee3: (happy) Feels so good to be back.

Hanku: You're enjoying yourself aren't you?

Lee3: Why wouldn't I be? Naru is in hell (metaphorically speaking) again, I'm planning on putting in crossovers of an anime and a manga and finally I got you backing me on this fic.

Hanku: Like that one idea I had that eliminated your potential writer's block.

Lee3: Yeah, but that won't be revealed until later.

Naru: (busts through the door) I CANNOT ALLOW THIS OUTRAGE TO CONTINUE!

Lee3: That's what the Goth Girl Trio said, and they're still in the hospital.

Hanku: Naru, why don't you crawl back into your hole and stay there.

Naru: (pissed) THAT'S IT, DIE YOU AMERICAN PIGS (readies her punch, but Lee pulled a chord and a 1 ton anvil crushed the bitch)!

Lee3: Oh I love Naru-bashing.

Hanku: That's your drug.

Lee3: While we're on the subject I want to get something off my chest.

Hanku: Go ahead (walks off). _I know where this is going._

Lee3: I've noticed some fans asking (impersonates a whiny kid), "Why is there Naru-bashing, Why is there Naru-bashing?" Look, you all either watched the anime, read the manga or did both. You can tell from the first episode/chapter that she was a major bitch with anger issues and the worst part is that she got the guy she clearly didn't deserve. We all saw that coming when she grabbed his cock. If you ask why there is Naru-bashing after reading the manga and watching the anime YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDED!

Hanku: (appears out of nowhere) Do you feel better now?

Lee3: Yes I do.

Hanku: You know the fans are gonna hate you for that.

Lee3: Either that or they're gonna laugh either way.

Hanku: Whatever, you might want to end this right now.

Lee3: I concur. Review or flame if you want. I know this chapter probably sucked, but give the fic a chance, it'll get better. I got more shit in store for you all like for instance one of the characters tries to commit suicide. Now I know I got someone's attention.

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank someone I forgot to back when I wrote "A New Roomate?" and that person is NecroInstall because that person fits in the category of the reviewers that got me to update faster. I felt bad that I forgot about him and I'm sorry. I guess that's done see ya next time.


	2. I Brought a Friend

Lee3: Hey guys, okay I know that last chapter was a bit slow…

Hanku: Yeah, no kidding.

Lee3: Please, don't interrupt. This next chapter rips through introductions.

Angry Reader: YOUR ENDING PROBABLY SUCKS (throws a screwdriver at Lee3 only to miss and the power tool is now stuck in a wall)!

Lee3: _If he throws something sharper than that I'll shoot him._

Hanku: Let's just do the disclaimer before you shoot somebody.

Lee3: I don't own the Love Hina characters or the series if I did there would be no need for Naru-bashings.

Hanku: Because you would have bashed her in every chapter/episode.

Lee3: I don't own Hanku either, but I'm using him out of permission and request. I do own my SI and other characters that will show up in this fic.

Hanku: (laughs) Except the Ne…(catches himself) almost let it slip.

Lee3: (holding a bat) Good thing you caught yourself. For a second there I thought I would have had to knock you out.

Hanku: Time to start Chapter 2, RUN IT!

Lee3: Hey, that's my catchphrase get your own DAMMIT!

I Brought a Friend

While Lee and Hanku were finishing their mission (if you don't know what that is you're either retarded or you weren't paying attention last chapter), the Hinata Dorks were still trying to accomplish a hopeless mission.

Keitaro: (speaking with the narrator) We tried everything to get X to confess his true identity. We tried: torture, bribing, seduction and kindness.

Lee3: (as the voiceover narrator) How did you guys do?

Keitaro: Torturing someone doesn't work if the one being tortured through binding can use the same chains and electrocute you through them. Kitsune tried to bribe him WITH SEX! Instead he jammed his tail into her you know what, lifted her and through her out the window. I guess it doesn't pay to be constantly drunk and horny. Naru tried kindness, but X immediately materialized an anvil over her head and it fell on her.

Lee3: You guys suck.

Keitaro: Maybe, but I'm beginning to think that this X guy is not Lee.

Lee3: _No shit Sherlock, the fans figured that out from the start._

X: Do you idiots enjoy annoying me as much as you annoy my master?

Kitsune: (barely conscious) Sort of.

Motoko: (struggling to stand) D…damn…d…demon (winces in pain).

X: Will you stop calling me a demon already? Just because I'm different doesn't mean I'm evil and I'm glad to see that you finally got your sword back.

Motoko: Fuck…you.

X: Have the hormones, lack the emotion and drive to.

Naru: (charred and smoking) Admit it…you're Lee.

X: My name is X…bitch.

Naru: You're Lee I know it.

Shinobu: (dizzy) Guys, maybe this guy really is…(passes out)

Naru: (pissed) Now look at what you've done.

X: What I've done, who threw her into my forcefield?

Su: (appears next to him all bubbly and happy) I did, I did (giggles right before she got punched out by X)!

X: (looks down at the bloody unconscious Su) That was totally not cool.

Motoko: Boulder Cutting (got shot by X's laser eyes)…damn (falls).

X: Please stop attacking me (kicks Naru in the stomach after she took a "hostile step" towards him).

Naru: (groaning in pain while hold her stomach) Just admit that you're Lee and (Starts hearing the base of a car stereo bumping a few miles away, but it started getting louder as if it was heading for the dormitory. The others immediately recovered anime style.) What's that?

X: It's coming from outside, maybe you all should check it out.

Keitaro: He's right, let's go (everyone rushed outside, except X who got up and slowly walked)!

Motoko: (hears the music) Is that…Rap music?

Sarah: You don't know what Rap music is?

Motoko: I don't listen to that Western Trash.

Sarah: (smirks) I'll tell Lee you said that.

Su: What song is it?

Sarah: Well…it sounds like the Beastie Boys.

Shinobu: What song is it?

Sarah: (listens carefully knowing that the wrong answer will get her tortured by the author) "Intergalactic".

The young girl was correct the music was the song "Intergalactic" from the Beastie Boys. The music got louder as the vehicle came speeding into view.

Kitsune: Is that Seta?

Shinobu: No, Seta drives a white van that truck is a pickup and it's in red and black…don't we know someone who is infatuated with those colors?

Sarah: _I'm surprised you used infatuated in a sentence._

(The truck made a hard right, but the vehicle swerved and started to roll towards the residents as if it was done deliberately.)

Naru & Keitaro: (stares like a deer in the headlights) Oh my god…

Sarah, Su, Kitsune, Motoko, & Shinobu: IT'S ROLLING TOWARDS US AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Everyone stood there in fear screaming as the truck rolled towards them, the only one who wasn't screaming was X who was probably thinking, "These guys are fuckin' idiots".)

X: _These guys are fuckin' idiots. Don't they know that Lee deliberately rolled that truck? Oh wait, they still think I'm Lee…this prank is working better than I thought._

(The truck rolled in total 31 times before stopping 20ft. in front of the bottom step, which happened to be where everyone, minus X was standing. X started walking towards the group.)

Keitaro: (raises his right hand) Who thinks that was deliberate?

All the girls: We do (raised their hands for three seconds before putting them down)!

(The driver side door opens and everyone, but X was shocked to see who emerged.)

Lee: (ecstatic) Don't tell me you didn't like that shit Kanako. You were saying the lyrics and headbanging (closes the door)!

Kanako: (blushing in embarrassment) I did not (exits the truck the same time as Hanku).

Hanku: (excited) YOU DID, YOU FREAKIN' DID!

Kanako: Okay I did.

Lee: Didn't you have a cat (Kanako opens her bag and Kuro flew out)? There he is.

Kuro: (trying to be cute) Hi everyone.

(A.N.: Whew, almost forgot that little bastard. This is what happens when you don't read the mangafor six months.)

Hanku: Hey guys, shouldn't we be getting a bunch of: hellos, oh my gods, what the hells, what the fucks or things of that nature from the residents right about now?

Kanako: (stoic) They're probably thinking of the shit Lee will put Naru through.

Lee: You know about all that?

Kanako: I arrived months after you left and what I've been told you gave Naru a hell of a time.

Lee: Only when she attacked Keitaro for no real reason.

Hanku: Going by what you've told me, that was almost everyday.

Motoko: (breaks up the conversation) Hold up! If you're Lee, then who is that (points to X)?

Lee: X, reveal yourself.

X: Yes my master (he removed his hood and what he revealed shocked everyone including Hanku).

Hanku: H-he's not human.

Kanako: He's a…a…

Everyone minus Lee & X: DRAGON!

X: Actually, I'm a…

Everyone minus Lee & X: WYVERN!

(A.N.: Hahahahahahaha, that's still funny even after writing it again.)

Lee: (annoyed) Wyverns don't have arms and X does retards.

X: I'm a Dragoid, a dragon with a human mind.

Lee: When he was alive he severed his emotions.

Keitaro: Why would someone do that?

X: I was born alone with no family and my fellow dragons shunned me because I wasn't like them for obvious reasons.

Su: (smiling while everyone gives blank stares)Don't follow(Hanku face faults and Lee gets pissed).

Lee: HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE! X couldn't bare his emotional and psychological suffering so he severed his emotions forever.

Naru: All that because he was persecuted and shunned…how sad.

Lee: _None of these Hinata Shitheads will ever truly understand how that feels._

Sarah: At the risk of offending you and X I have to ask…was his presence here a prank or something?

Lee: Yes, it was and I'm not taking offense are you X?

X: No. By the way Lee also walks around in a cloak and hood at times.

(Keitaro and the others stood there dumbfounded that they fell for a half-assed prank and by how nonchalant X was revealing it.)

Lee: In other words, you fell for my Charlatan prank.

(A.N.: I know most of you readers are either in high school or college, if you don't know what charlatan means…LOOK IT UP!)

Kitsune: (arrogant for a drunk) How do you know we fell for it?

X: We are both linked telepathically, the faces you all made earlier gave it away, and I am incapable of lying.

Naru: Bullshit!

X: Really? People lie because they fear they will get in trouble and I have no fear. Thus, I am incapable of lying.

(A.N.: Philosophy/Sociology rules.)

Kanako: (smiles) They obviously got you all real good.

(Naru was silent for five seconds and then…she snapped.)

Naru: (Uber-pissed) GODDAMMIT, I HATE YOU AMERICAN BASTARDS! YOU'RE SUCH A MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE! BURN IN HELL MOTHERFUCKER!

Hanku: Damn, Naru went black.

Lee: (sees Naru running around like an idiot) Now she's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Hanku: Were those the reactions you were going for?

Lee: Yep, and the L-cams have secretly got it all on tape.

Hanku: (snickers) Dude, you're an ass.

Lee: (smiles) But I think it is funny and so does some of the audience.

Kanako: I knew that bitch was crazy and this confirms it.

Hanku: _Look who's talking, Incest._

X: (appears behind Lee) Time for me to go back (returns to Lee's body).

Lee: (winces in pain) _Every time he possesses me it hurts._

Keitaro: Lee, who is your friend?

Hanku: I am Hanku Royiaki.

Lee: Not only is he from my home dimension he is also from my home country.

Hanku: Too bad we're not from the same state.

Lee:If wewerewe wouldn't have all those California vs. Texas fights we love starting.

Sarah: He's from Texas?

Hanku: I'm from Dallas to be exact.

Keitaro: Things are going to get even crazier now when I think about what went on today. (Sees Naru still shouting obscenities and running around like a lunatic while everyone else is trying to calm her down.) Welcome back to Hinata House Lee & Kanako and I welcome you too Hanku Royiaki (smiles).

Hanku: Thanks man (shakes Keitaro's hand).

Lee: You're gonna love it here dude.

Kanako: (hearts for eyes) I am so glad to back here with my big brother.

Hanku: You know this is a shitty way to end a chapter.

Lee: Oh shut up Royiaki, the author is trying his best. Besides, he's getting warmed up for that one chapter (nudges Hanku with his elbow).

Hanku: What are you…oh that one!

To Be Continued…

Antics: How?

Lee3: Once again, it's Q & A time.

Su: Yyyyyaaaaaaayyyyyyy, it's that time where we piss you off.

Naru: (pouting) And I get hurt.

Hanku: It's not good to pout.

Naru: Oh shut up.

Keitaro: Lee3, how did you get Hanku to let you use his character anyway?

Lee3: Remember that chapter I wrote in the prequel uh, I think it was "Stuck on a Coaster"?

Sarah: (shudders) Not our finest moment.

Lee3: Hanku gave me a review saying, it would have been awesome if Hanku was in the arcade at the time of the nationwide panic. So I thought, "That's a good idea I think I will put his character in the sequel". Keep in mind that I thought up that chapter one year before I wrote it.

Motoko: You did get his permission didn't you?

Lee3: Two words…Final Chapter.

Hanku: He practically asked at the end of the finaleand I gave him permission through my review.

Naru: (crying) I'm gonna get double-teamed now!

Lee3: Maybe.

Hanku: Oh my god she's crying?

Lee3: That's what my reaction wasat first.

Su: Is reaction a food?

Lee3: No.

Shinobu: What surprises are in store in this time?

Lee3: A Puni Puni Poemy crossover.

Hanku: Dude, you gave it away!

Lee3: Who else besides us has actually watched that two episode long anime? Besides, I had todraw attention away from that one crossover you almost let slip!

Shinobu: Is there anything else?

Lee3: Yeah, a dimensional shift and I'm ending this Q & A on that note (pulls a random lever and everyone else except Hanku falls through a trap door).

Hanku: I've got a question?

Lee3: What?

Hanku: Are you gonna finish that Soul Caliber 2 fic?

Lee3: Yep, after this continuation is finished, which could be a while.

Hanku: Thought so.

Lee3: Chapter 2 is done. Chapter 3 is "Go Team America!", but it might be awhile before I post it since I have college papers due 5 days apart and I start working as a part-time Center Assistant at a university soon. I'll try to update as quick as possible.

Review or flame if you like just don't send death threats. See ya next time.


	3. Go, Team America

Lee3: Okay, I'm back again.

Hanku: (points at two gothic girls) Who are those two girls on the balcony?

Lee3: Two stupid bitches.

Jenny: Lee3, you will pay for your shorts (does some martial arts moves)!

Chrissy: And what you did to Krystal!

Lee3: Oh, like it's my fault that Krystal got that pole stuck in her clitoris!

Chrissy: You stuck it into the ground!

Lee3: Krystal needs to look on the bright side, it was the best orgasm she ever had. Then again, you got one just by watching (sneers).

Chrissy: (blushes in embarrassment) _Bastard!_

Jenny: Enough talk, time to die (gets shot by Hanku)!

Chrissy: Jenny, YOU…(gets shot by a fan) YOU SHOT ME!

Lee3: (laughs) That was rich!

Chrissy: I GOT SHOT IN THE LEG! WHY DI…(Lee shoots her in the head)

Lee3: Now you got shot in the head, you happy?

Hanku: Start the disclaimer.

Lee3: I don't own the Love Hina series or the manga if I did Su would tone down on the inventions. I don't own Hanku, but I'm using him out of permission. Another character will make an appearance, but his identity won't be revealed this chapter. I don't own that character either, but I'm using him out of a fan's request. Oh I almost forgot, a reference from the novel Brave New World is made in this chapter. You all should know that I don't own that book; I think its author was H.G. Wells. Is there anything you want to add Hanku?

Hanku: Don't drive drunk.

Lee3: Too bad half of fans hearing/reading this will do it anyway. RUN IT!

Go, Team America

It's 8:00 a.m. at Hinata House and the three Americans (Sarah, Hanku and Lee) are standing on the roof.

Sarah: Why are you doing the same prank again?

Lee: Because Sarah out of all of the Hinata Retards and the Prankster Princess peeing, Kitsune cummed…

Hanku: (makes the "What the Fuck" face) So the purpose is to get me to see female fluids?

Lee: (nonchalant) Yes.

Hanku: (disturbed) _You cold bastard._

(A.N.: I've been some of that lately.)

Sarah: And why am I here?

Lee: So you can see what's gonna come out of you when you start masturbating in 4 years.

Sarah: (arrogant) I'll never do that.

Hanku: Actually, with all of the stuff you have been exposed to I'm surprised you didn't start now.

Lee: Besides, you think you won't now, but when you see the one guy or girl that you are infatuated with. You'll start to fantasize about that person and your romantic fantasies will turn into (impersonates moaning sounds) oh, oh, yes, YES! That's what will happen to you.

Hanku: (annoyed) Stop exaggerating.

Sarah: Yeah, even if…(multiple screams occur)

Hanku: Time to inspect?

Lee: Wait until the screams stop.

Naru: I WET THE BED!

Motoko: DISGRACEFUL!

Shinobu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Su: Lame!

Kitsune: OH MY GOD!

Keitaro: OH SHIT!

Kanako: DAMMIT!

Hanku: Now?

Lee: Another five minutes.

(11 minutes later)

Lee, Sarah and Hanku are standing in front of Naru's room after checking the other rooms.

Lee: Hanku, Sarah, status report.

Hanku: We looked at the other rooms during the aftermath and here are the results.

Sarah: Motoko peed.

Lee: Not surprised.

Sarah: Su took a major shit.

Lee: The only thing that would surprise me about that is if she tried to eat any of it.

Hanku: (disturbed) She did.

Lee: Oh shit (pukes)…that shit ain't guano!

Sarah: Shinobu…umm…

Lee & Hanku: (freak) Don't…we can figure it out.

Sarah: Kitsune peed.

Lee: (shocked) WHAT? Damn, the wrong girl released and the wrong girl peed!

Sarah: Kitsune's pee had a lot of alcohol in it.

Lee: (makes the "What the Fuck face") How do you know that?

Hanku: We opened her door and we smelled beer and piss at the same time. We had to bail quickly because we thought there was ammonia in the room.

Lee: (looks at the Fourth Wall) For all of you readers out there that drink, if you are pissing beer, then you need to lay off the alcohol and head for the hospital immediately.

Hanku: Too bad your supposed inspection was a failure.

Lee: Hold up, we know Keitaro wet himself and panic like a little girl, but what about Kanako?

Hanku: I'll give you a clue.

Lee: Oh, I'm not surprised.

Hanku: Like I said before your prank though it caused the other roommates have bowel movements it was still a failure overall.

Lee: Unless something amazing occurred in Naru's room (opens the door and the three Americans freaked at what they saw). Oh…

Sarah: …my

All 3 Americans: …GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD!

What freaked them out you all might ask, a bunch of…stuff.

Sarah: What was she doing?

Hanku: What was she thinking?

Lee: This reminds me of a song from the book Brave New World.

Hanku: What was it?

Lee: (gleefully) "Orgy Porgy Ford and Fun

Kissed the girls and made them run

Boys have fun, girls at peace

Orgy Porgy gives release"

(A.N: That is in the book, think it was on page 82. It is a good novel to read.)

Hanku: You are disturbing.

Lee: If you have seen half of the things I've seen you would know why.

Hanku: _Why do I have the feeling that will learn that later on?_

Sarah: (stares at the room) I'm not cleaning this room.

Hanku: Keitaro won't clean that room (sees Lee taking pictures). What the hell are you doing?

Lee: Savoring the moment. Oh, I got an idea to piss Naru off (the Americans huddled together).

(15 minutes later)

Shinobu: (trippin') Oh my god, N…Naru…

Kitsune: …really let herself go.

Motoko: (freaking out) Oh my god, oh my god…I'M TRAUMATIZED!

Su: (laughing) Naru gave release, made the whole room milky white!

Naru: (showed up) What's going on (sees a sign outside her door that says "See the Release")? WHAT (Sees another sign that reads "This is what 'Comes' out of Naru")?

Shinobu: Uh…Naru?

Naru: (catatonic at first and then explodes in a fireball of rage.) GODDAMMIT LEE, I'LL DESTROY YOU!

Lee: (on the rooftop laughing with Hanku and Sarah) I love pissing that girl off.

Hanku: (getting serious) Why is she just mad at you? Sarah and I helped too.

Sarah: Dude, do you really want Naru mad at you?

Hanku: Good point.

(Thirty minutes later everyone was having breakfast at the Hinata House and all seemed well…as well as it's gonna get.)

Naru: (still pissed) I can't believe you still did that!

Lee: I can't believe you fell for the same prank twice.

Naru: Did you have to humiliate me?

Lee: Let me think, um…yeah.

Kitsune: I think the signs were a nice touch (got punched out by Naru).

Motoko: How long have you two known each other?

Hanku: About two years. We first met in my hometown in Dallas, Texas. I was fighting two guys that had their faces melted off.

Lee: My archenemies, Skull and his older cousin Crusher. Oh and by the way Skull's face rotted off because he died six years beforehand.

Hanku: Opps, still Crusher was a big buff dude.

Lee: He was also a walking Atomic Bomb.

Keitaro: Nuclear accident?

Lee: Idiocy, the dumbass was using radiation to reanimate his little cousin. He went inside the reactor to check up on him.

Kanako: Did he have a Radiation Suit on?

Lee: Yeah, but he forgot the helmet.

Hanku: Case in point, we killed both of them. Well, Crusher blew himself up out in space.

Naru: Wait a minute, if Skull was reanimated what killed him the first time?

Lee: (drinks his soup and ate the tofu) Me. I was 12 years old when I did it. (Everyone but Kanako gasps)

Shinobu: You KILLED someone at that age?

Lee: My first kill was when I was 7 years old, five months after I was given my powers.

Everyone: OH MY GOD!

Hanku: You never told me that!

Lee: And you never needed to know. (gets up and leaves)

Kanako: Is he always that disturbing? (looks at Hanku)

Hanku: Don't know I don't know him that well.

Naru: I think he's very disturbing.

Kanako: No one asked you Naru.

Naru: (pissed) What did you say?

Kanako: You heard me. (Naru screams, leaps at Kanako and the catfight begins)

Hanku & Kitsune: CATFIGHT!

Sarah: (impersonates Eric Cartman) Kickass.

Su: Is that a food?

Motoko: No.

Shinobu: (pleads) Stop fighting.

Motoko: Shinobu, it's better to just let them fight it out.

Lee: (on the other side of the wall that separates the Dining Area from the Living Room) _I don't care what anyone thinks of me._

A few minutes into the catfight and Lee thinking depressing thoughts to himself, Haruka and Mutsumi emerged from the Front Door.

Haruka: Hey, we've been hearing noises all day, which could mean that… (gets shot by a paintball gun, she sees the red paint on her chest and Mutsumi freaks.)

Mutsumi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU'VE BEEN SHOT!

Haruka: (still mellow) I'm not…

Mutsumi: (holds Haruka and shoves the Teahouse Manager into her big chest) No Haruka Urashima, runaway from the light!

Haruka: (shoves Mutsumi away from her) I'm not dying you idiot its red paint! (gets shot in the face, crotch, right arm, and stomach) Lee is back also.

Mutsumi: Oh my, really? (gets shot in the boobs and 8 times in the face)

Lee: (reveals his location) You two wouldn't last a day in California. (walks back to the kitchen) _Who the fuck was Haruka talking too earlier? Who the fuck cares._

Hanku: About time they knocked each other out.

Kitsune: (Looks at the two unconscious bloody girls) Looks like a tie.

Su: Boo.

Shinobu: This is awful.

Motoko: Disgraceful.

Lee: (Walks in) Yo, Haruka and Mutsumi are here. (Sees Naru and Kanako) Okay, what'd I miss?

Kitsune: Catfight.

Keitaro: They punched, kicked, slapped, hair pulled, bit and…and…

Hanku: CROTCH SQUEEZING!

Lee: Damn, if I had stuck around I might have had an erection or I would have been rooting for Kanako.

Haruka: (walks in and still mellow) When did you get back Lee?

Lee: Yesterday, (points at Hanku) that's my friend, Hanku Royiaki.

Hanku: Hi. I see Lee shot you two with his Paintball Gun. (laughs)

Haruka: Whatever.

Mutsumi: How long are you here for?

Lee: Depends on my author, but by the look of things over 30 chapters.

Su: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmnnnnn!

Sarah: You said it.

Kanako: (barely conscious) Sound cool.

Motoko: Don't care.

Shinobu: (semi shocked) Nothing surprises me anymore.

Lee: _Bullshit._

Naru: (barely conscious) My…hell…times…eleven.

Hanku: (sarcastic) Nice to know you're overwhelmed.

Lee: (whispers to Haruka) This is why I came back.

Haruka: (whispers in response) I understand, this sort of thing is good for Naru.

(Somewhere in Tokyo…why is it always fuckin' Tokyo?)

A mysterious man who was semi muscular, long raven colored hair, blue eyes, wearing a black shirt, blue jeans and tennis shoes is standing in an Electronic Store, watching a news report in the T.V. section.

Reporter: Yesterday, a Big Rig terrorized Tokyo, but later it chased a pickup truck to the Tokyo airport. (freezes the side image of the truck and enhanced the shot revealing the passengers) The driver has been identified as the NBA player from the Big Rig Chase incident two years ago.

: (stares at the image) I've seen that guy in my home dimension! But who is he? I've got to find him and find out.

(Back at Hinata House)

(Lee and Hanku are watching the news.)

Lee: I can't believe that those idiots still think I'm an NBA player.

Hanku: It's the fact you're tall and Black.

Lee: That same thing happened to the author, minus the news reports and psycho-bitches driving giant Big Rigs.

Hanku: Do you think you're gonna have another Big Rig incident like you did with Motoko?

Lee: If I don't kill Katherine and Kathy within the next few chapters, most likely.

Hanku: Wanna see if we can launch Naru into one of the 10 land mines you left behind?

Lee: Let's go for it. (Both head to Naru's room)

To Be Continued…

Warning: The following Antics short has something to do with the main story. Reader discretion is advised.

Antics: MINES

Hanku: Are you sure that this Giant Slingshot is aimed at one of the mines?

Lee: Yeah.

Sarah: C'mon Hanku, this is your plan so have faith in it.

Hanku: But this plan is clichéd and how are we gonna get Naru on that slingshot anyway?

Lee: Leave that to me (stands right by the door).

Hanku: How long until she arrives?

Lee: Five, four, three, two, one.

Kitsune: (slides open the door and walks in) Hey, Naru?

Lee: (grabs and picks up Kitsune) Gotcha.

Sarah: That's not Naru!

Lee: (pauses for a second) Fuck it, launch her anyway (loads the struggling Kitsune onto the slingshot and with assistance from Hanku and Kitsune, pulls her all the way to the back wall)!

Kitsune: What are you two doing?

Sarah: There are three of us.

Hanku: Ready to launch.

Sarah: Three…

Kitsune: Stop!

Hanku: Two…

Kitsune: I beseech you all!

Lee: One…

Kitsune: NARU IS ON HER WAY!

Lee: Really?

Kitsune: (relieved) Yes.

Lee: I don't think so FIRE! (The three Americans let go and Kitsune went flying)

Kitsune: NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING (bounced off one land mine, bounced off another, landed on the third mine and rolled onto the last one, but it didn't go off)! Ouch.

Hanku: (laughed) Oh my god she bounced twice and hit three mines!

Sarah: (laughing) Lee, why aren't you laughing, that was funny?

Lee: A fourth one should have went off. (three seconds later the mine beneath Kitsune explodes, she screams and Lee bursts out in a guffaw) There it is, there it is, that's the one I was waiting for! Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaah!

Kitsune: (smoking) Now I know how Naru feels (a rock falls on her). Ouch.

Lee3: That's it for that short and this chapter. Yes I know it was stupid and nasty. The next chapter is pretty crazy and the crazy part? Hanku gave me the green light to do it. Chapter 5 is a crossover, no not the ones we mentioned already, but one I think you all might like.

Hanku: I'm excited over that one.

Lee3: I bet you are even though you have no idea how hard it's gonna be for me to write it.

Hanku: You'll manage.

Lee3: True, anyway review, flame whatever. I turn 22 in 12 days and I have finals next week.

Hanku: Why are you so concerned about your finals?

Lee3: Because I won't know the results until midway through Christmas Break and if I don't do well I get expelled from the University?

Hanku: You better study then.

Lee3: I'm on it. See you fucks in December.


	4. Damn Stereotypes

Lee3: Happy Holidays everyone I'm back after…I think a month.

Hanku: What took you so long this time?

Lee3: I'm working dude I can only do so much.

Hanku: That's understandable, are we using the…

Lee3: Next chapter.

Angry Reader: WHAT IS THE CHAPTER ABOUT?

Lee3: This chapter or the next one?

Angry Reader: THIS ONE!

Lee3: I'm cracking on stereotypical conflicts in this one (Angry Reader throws a knife barely missing Lee's head). I warned you (pulls out a 357 Magnum and shoots Angry Reader in the head).

Hanku: That's fucked up.

Lee3: So was the knife. Time to start the disclaimer. I don't own the Love Hina characters or the series; if I did Seta would be less of a walking talking Asian stereotype. I don't own Hanku either.

Hanku: I do.

Lee3: And yet it still sounds redundant. There is a mystery character that will be revealed later in this fic, but for this chapter he's appearing in the Antics short. That character I don't own, but I am using him out of a fan's request…anything you want to add Hanku?

Hanku: Yeah, Naru deserves Keitaro…even though she is a bitch.

Lee3: That's not funny dude.

Hanku: Who's laughing?

Lee3: (sighs) Just run the damn fic.

Damn Stereotypes

Naru: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you look like a dork (points at Lee whose dressed like a cowboy)!

Lee: (smirks) If you said that in Texas, a cowboy would shoot your ass, unless you get executed first.

Hanku: (appears wearing hip hop attire) Why do you always rag on my home state as well as the South?

Lee: Because the South had a bad past of fucking over people and treating them like crap until the late 1970s.

Hanku: (sarcastic) Oh and California didn't have problems with their (impersonates Arnold Schartzenagger) "Govenator".

Lee: At least he tried.

Hanku: Tried and failed your "Golden State".

Lee: Better a state than a whole fuckin' country. Besides at least he's not like our president who's an embarrassment to the United States, the whole world and the "Lone Star State", oh wait the idiots love him there (smirks and rips off the cowboy outfit to reveal his hip hop gear underneath).

Hanku: And "Boring as Fuck Kerry" could have done a better job…YEAH RIGHT (rips off the hip hop gear to reveal his…regular clothes)!

(A.N.: Did you guys really think he was wearing cowboy attire under all those chains? Please.)

The two Americans stared each down like they were about to fight.

Lee's Inner Thought: Ah, another "Texas vs. California" battle. Hanku and I have been having these for almost two years now. Sometimes they end in Cartoonic Fight Clouds, but we always come out as friends in the end. After all we each respect each other's state because they are both very valuable to the country.

Hanku's Inner Thought: Here we go, another "Fight Between our Respected States". This stuff happens at least once a month especially when we're bored. Think of it like a sparring match only more heated.

(A.N.: At least they don't take it too far.)

Naru: Hey, American Wasteoids! At least my country didn't attack yours for any reason!

Hanku: What the hell are you talking about?

Naru: I'm saying that in World War II Japan attacked America out of self-defense!

Everyone froze after that comment, even Koalla Su.

(A.N.: Oh shit! Now that's taking it too far.)

Lee's Inner Thought: WHAT THE FUCK? FIRST TOJO'S GRANDDAUGHTER AND NOW HER?

Hanku's Inner Thought: WHAT THE FUCK? SHE'S DEAD!

Keitaro: (softly) Oh my god.

Sarah: She's a dead girl.

Kitsune: Why?

Sarah: They've both from proud states.

Kitsune: Uh, oh.

Su: The Korean War just started all over again.

Shinobu: Naru said World War II, jackass.

Su: (smiles) Okies.

Motoko: (shivers) Shit, shit, shit we're screwed.

(At the Café)

Haruka: (sees a coffee mug suddenly break on it's own) Either Mutsumi's clumsiness is causing the dishware to commit suicide or something is going down at Hinata House (six other mugs break). I think I'll stay out of this one.

(Back at Hinata House)

Lee: (pissed) YOU…

Hanku: (also pissed)…BITCH!

Naru: What else is new?

Lee: You guys were the ones who betrayed us!

Hanku: Japan partied during the aftermath!

Lee: Without knowledge that they had inadvertently pissed off the United States, which in turn caused the highest enlistment, rate in U.S. Army history.

Hanku: And it took two nukes before you finally learned not to fuck with the U.S.

Naru: Those nukes weren't necessary.

Lee & Hanku: Same with Pearl Harbor!

Motoko: The act was still dishonorable.

Hanku: Dishonorable? Your people crashed planes into Battleships. How honorable was that shit?

Lee: Wasn't there a bunch of citizens and soldiers committing suicide as well?

Naru: That's…

Lee: Honor? That doesn't always work you know.

Naru: Stupid Americans.

(A.N.: Now that's going way too far.)

Lee: (annoyed) Now why did you go and say something like that?

Hanku: (even more angry) You know what? Fuck this shit (kicks Naru in the stomach).

Lee: Who's stupid now (grabs Naru and rams her into a wall, then he and Hanku started stomping and kicking Naru repeatedly)?

Keitaro: Hey hold…

Shinobu: (a little scared) Sempai, I wouldn't normally say this, but if you value your life you will not step in.

Kanako: I know you love her, but she's not worth it, not in this case.

Keitaro: (frustrated) Damn.

Hanku: (grabs Naru and lifts her over his head) What are you gonna do now bitch (throws her out the window and she landed by the stairs. She tried to get up, but Lee ran at her at super speed and kicked her so hard, she went flying)?

Naru: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Lee: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon (Naru becomes a star), IT'S GOOD!

Hanku: Justice is served.

Lee: _Normally I would say that._

Shinobu: Was that necessary?

Lee & Hanku: (stare at Shinobu with glowing red eyes that caused her to piss herself) Never talk shit about America to someone from Texas or California.

Shinobu: (squeaked) Okay.

Lee: So what's next?

Hanku: Smash Brothers?

Lee: Sure, let's go (They both ran back into the dorm while everyone kept their distance).

Keitaro: Was there a moral to this chapter?

Kitsune: (scared sober) Don't piss them off?

Motoko: (a little freaked out) I think that's it.

Kanako: Agreed.

Su: I want a banana.

Sarah: SHUT UP!

(Back at the Café)

Haruka: (drinking tea) I'm so glad I stayed out of that one.

To Be Continued…

Antics: Q & A Revisited

Kanako: What the fuck was that?

Lee3: Random comedy humor that some people find funny.

Keitaro: I this chapter was about Stereotypes?

Lee3: Not all stereotypes are racial, dude.

Naru: That chapter was retarded.

Hanku: Meant to be that way.

Lee3: Exactly, he was crazy enough to give me the green light.

Sarah: No way.

Hanku: He emailed me a clip of the beginning before he finished the rough draft.

(Alarm goes off)

Kanako: What is that?

Lee3: The Goth Girl alarm. We gotta go; this Q & A is over (Lee3 and Hanku get up and run out of the room).

Keitaro: Better leave too.

Naru: Good idea (the Hinata residents follow suit).

End of Short

Lee3: Hold up I got one more for you guys.

Antics: Mystery Guy and Seta

Remember that unknown guy from the end of chapter three, you probably would have saw this : because for some reason I can't use the multiple question marks to identify the guy as unknown. Anyway, he's still in Tokyo looking for the guy he saw on TV.

Unknown: (exhausted) I searched half of Tokyo and I still haven't found any clues about that guy from the two Big Rig Chases. I've asked around, but all I got were stories from the first incident. I've been in this dimension for three weeks and I still have no other way to get back home, but that guy must know how I can leave, I can't give up (just then, a loses control and turns into his direction). WHOA (jumps out of the way and the van crashes into a brick building and stops)!

Seta: (pounds on the Driver's door) Sorry, about that (kicks it open and steps out). Is everyone okay?

Unknown: You bastard! You almost hit me you stupid son of a bitch! Don't you know you could have killed someone? Don't you know how to drive?

Seta: (calmly) I'm sorry I almost hit you. I know someone could have been killed and yes I know how to drive.

Unknown: You are a walking, talking Asian stereotype. If you were put into an American school you'd wreck the grade curve, but behind the wheel you'll hit the curb, well in your case a building.

Seta: (laughs) I probably would huh?

Unknown: (face-faults) Don't you feel the least bit freaked out about this accident?

Seta: No, it happens all the time.

Unkown: And that's not odd to you?

Seta: Nope.

Unknown: Okay, you are weird, I'm gonna go now (walks around the van and walks away). _Haven't I seen that guy somewhere before?_

Seta: Nice meeting you!

The unknown character thinks to himself for a minute and then it hits him.

Unknown: _Oh my god, that was the Seta from the "Love Hina" manga and anime. At least I know what dimension I'm in…Wait, maybe he knows where that guy is!_ (runs back to the accident site) Seta, hold up!

Lee3: That's it for that short and this chapter. Keep in mind that in this chapter I wasjust poking fun at folks so what's written I don't really mean, c'mon I cracked on my own home state (California). I figured I shed some light for those of you who might take this chapter seriously (there is always a few out there).

On another note, that mystery guy will be revealed in chapter 8. The next chapter you guys might like because Hanku came up with the original concept and basically Co-wrote it. It's gonna take me awhile to write it up since college starts back next week and so does my job. I'll try to get as much done as I can. Review or flame if you want, just be honest.

See you all next time (hopefully in January).


	5. Super Hinata Bros Melee

Lee3: Hey everyone, I've got good news and bad news.

Reader1: Good news.

Lee3: I'm posting something for you guys to read until I finish Chapter 5.

Reader1: The bad news?

Lee3: I made Chapter 5 into a two-part chapter and part 1 is what you all will be reading.

Reader1: Does it suck?

Lee3: Yes.

All the readers: GODDAMMIT!

Lee3: Sorry, time is against me and Hanku emailed me asking "When are YOU gonna update?" So I figure I'd give you bastards something to look forward to.

Female Reader1: Hey what about us?

Lee3: (surprised) Women actually read this?

Hanku: (appears out of nowhere) Dude, those Goth chicks are coming.

Lee3: Damn, okay time for the disclaimer. I don't own the Love Hina characters or the series. I don't own the Super Smash Bros. Cast or the rights of the game that belongs to Nintendo and their affiliates. I don't own Hanku either, this jackass from Ve…(Hanku hits him over the head with a Wooden Bat)

Hanku: DON'T SAY IT!

Lee3: Sorry, um, I think that's it. Anything you want or need to add?

Hanku: Yeah, DON'T DO DRUGS DAMMIT!

Lee3: (stoic) Ow. Run it, run it.

Super Hinata House Meleé 

Two days after the now named, "History Incident" everything went back to normal…well, as normal as it gets in that dormitory. It is currently 11:00am and Lee and Hanku are currently locked in a contest of skill…of playing a goddamn fighting game and Naru Narusegawa and Keitaro Urashima are watching in the distance.

Naru: How long have they been going at it?

Keitaro: No idea…how's your arm?

Naru: Fine, they didn't have to break it.

Keitaro: If you hadn't have said what you said none of that would've happened. By the way, you need to thank Lee.

Naru: Why?

Keitaro: (sternly) Because that stupid American healed your arm.

Naru: What?

Hanku: Yo, we can hear you guys!

Keitaro: (surprised) What?

Lee: We don't need our powers and special abilities to hear you two you're not that far away!

Hanku: (frustrated) Why won't you go down?

Lee: I'm a badass when I use Bowser.

Hanku: I've noticed (Bowser jumped about to strike, but Ganondorf does his Dark Dive, grabbed Bowser, shocked him and kicked off of him, causing him to fly off screen and self-destruct, ending the game). GOTCHA!

Lee: Damn, damn, damn, I forgot about that move! Almost had you.

Hanku: True, but I claim victory and now the score is tied 2 to 2.

Lee: Yeah, but look at the game clock.

Hanku: (looks at the clock with some amazement) Damn, we maxed it out.

Lee: How bored were we?

Naru: Nerds (walks off). C'mon Keitaro let's have some of our own fun.

Keitaro: (blushes) O-okay (follows suit).

Hanku: Shall we continue?

Lee: Naw, too bored. Wait I got an idea (gets up).

Hanku: What is it?

Lee: (eyes glow white, grabs Hanku's left arm) If this works we'll be able to have some fun with the Smashers and the Hinata Dorks.

Hanku: WHAT (Lee jumps into the TV, dragging Hanku with him)?

(On the Roof)

Motoko was training hard while Kitsune was watching from behind. Suddenly, Motoko gasped and dropped her sword.

Kitsune: Something wrong?

Motoko: I sense humor at our expense.

Kitsune: Really? Then that only means one thing.

Motoko & Kitsune: (concerned tone) Lee, Hanku…and possibly Sarah.

(In a different reality)

The two Americans appeared 100ft. above a castle bridge and started falling towards it.

Hanku: (freaking out) I-I can't stop myself from falling!

Lee: (mellow) My author always does that.

Hanku: WHAT?

Lee: Don't tell me you've forgotten about that already. It wasn't that long ago when we were in that "Soul Caliber" dimension.

(A.N.: I took a break from writing my Soul Caliber fic to write this one. It takes place a month before this fic so expect more references down the road.)

Hanku: Noooooooooooooo…

Lee: (annoyed) SHUT UP! I'm falling faster than you.

They both hit the ground a minute later. Lee landed on his feet for the first time and Hanku face-planted ten seconds later.

Lee: (jumping up and down gleefully) Yeah, I finally did it (flips off the author)! Take that Author (notices his surroundings)! Cool, we're here.

Hanku: (gets up) Man, your author is an…(sees the castle in front of him and loses composure) OH MY GOD (the volume of Hanku's voice surprises Lee causing him to jump high, fall through the red roof and into the Grand Hall)! I can't believe that I'm actually here, Princess Peach's (or Toadstool for all of the old school American gamers) Castle, I got to check it out (starts running towards the castle)!

(Inside the Castle)

Lee: (gets up) Son of a bitch! The goddamn gag is really getting old!

Unknown: No kidding!

Lee: (looks to his left to see the King of the Koopas) Bowser, so how is your big-ass doing today?

Bowser: (smirks) Fine, I got another kid now.

Lee: I know Bowser Jr. That makes like what eight now?

Bowser: Yep. By the way, Roy still remembers your reaction when he told you I had another kid.

(Flashback, Lee's house 4 years ago)

Roy: Yo, Lee.

Lee: What?

Roy: I have another younger brother.

Lee: Wait Bowser has another kid?

Roy: Yeah.

Lee: (loses it) WHAT THE FUCK, ANOTHER KID A-A-A-ANOTHER KID? IS YOUR DAD ASEXUAL OR SOMETHING?

Roy: (still mellow) No, my dad is not gay.

Lee: Asexual means he can reproduce on his own you idiot!

Roy: You're the idiot!

Lee: I'm smarter than and the rest of your dumbass siblings.

Roy: (clenches his fists) You wanna fight me?

Lee: I beat your ass ever since I was seven years old don't think I won't beat your ass now.

(Flashback Ends)

Lee: Not only did I kick Roy's ass I also broke his shades again. How many times did his shades get broken?

Bowser: 2,456, 257 of those breakings came from you alone. Still, with Junior's help the royal Koopa-line is as strong as ever.

Lee: _And yet Mario and Luigi still manage to beat you _(Hanku bursts through the door)That's my buddy Hanku Royiaki.

Hanku: (rushes towards Bowser and runs Lee over on the way) It's the King of the Koopas himself!

Bowser: The one and only (Lee gets up).

Hanku: (excited) I can't believe this (one of the other doors open)!

Unknown: Hey, what the hell is going on here (Lee, Hanku and Bowser turned to their right to see Gannondorf standing outside the closing door)?

Lee: (Walks towards Gannondorf) How's your beak?

Gannondorf: (smirked) Healed nicely, your left eye?

Lee: I can see better thanks to you (Hanku rushes towards Gannondorf and runs Lee over), hey!

Hanku: (giddy) Ohmygodohmygod, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you face to face. I am Hanku Royiaki and I'm a really, really, really big fan…(Lee gets up and hits Hanku six times with a sledgehammer)

Lee: Shit-head.

Gannondorf: (stoic) He's energetic.

Lee: (Left eye twitches) No shit.

Bowser: Why are you here, Lee?

Lee: I got a proposition for you guys, when will the others be arriving?

Gannondorf: They're already here. In fact, it was Mario who called us.

Lee: Round them up and meet me in the Courtyard.

Bowser: They're already there.

Lee: (annoyed) Ooooookay… let's go then (Hanku gets up in time to see the others leaving).

Hanku: Lee, are you gonna fill me in or what?

(In the Courtyard)

All the other Smashers were drinking beer and enjoying themselves. Link and Zelda were making out and Samus was getting dirty thoughts in her head. All was calm until Lee kicked open the door.

Lee: YO (all the Smashers jerk their heads and saw Lee, Bowser, Gannondorf and an overly excited Hanku, who is jumping up and down until Gannondorf hit him in the head)!

Ness: Hey, look who's back.

Zelda: Who's your friend?

Link: (stoic) His name is Hanku Royiaki.

Kirby: You know him?

Link: It's a story I'm not willing to get into.

(A.N.: Soul Caliber 2 reference, explain later…if I don't forget.)

C. Falcon: Lee, what are you here for this time?

Lee: Everybody, huddle up and listen to my idea.

(Everybody abides and Lee explains his plan.)

Hanku: That's your plan? I like it.

(A.N: Did you all really think I was gonna reveal it to all of you readers out there?)

Gannondorf: I can't believe I am actually agreeing with you.

Mario: Go for it.

Pikachu: (gleefully) Pika.

Lee: Glad, everyone is cool with it.

Peach: Go bring your friends here while we get set up.

Lee: Perfect, let's go Han…(sees Hanku already heading for the door) Oh, so you're already on top of things (follows suit).

(Back at Hinata House)

The bored residents are laying on the couch and the floor while Su found something to whine about.

Su: (laying on the couch whining) I'm bored.

All the other residents: Shut up (Lee and Hanku emerge from the TV)!

Hanku: (excited) You guys you have got to come with us!

Keitaro: Why?

Hanku: Lee opened a portal to a dimension where Princess Toadstool's (or Peach for the Japanese people here and the retarded nerds that are probably reading this) Castle is real and the Smash Bros. cast wants to play a game with us!

Su: REALLY?

Lee: (holds his ears) Yes, really.

Su: I wanna play a game, I wanna play a game!

Motoko: Calm down Su, how do we know this isn't a trick?

Lee: _I would have preferred a fuckin' "Thank you", but hey, I'm surrounded by chicks and a masochist that are all fuckin' idiots that don't listen to reason, what are you gonna do?_ Because Hanku told you about the invite and not me, thus, making it more credible to you.

(Silence for thirty seconds)

Motoko: Good enough.

Lee: (smiles) _Thank you Sociology. _

Naru: (suspicious) Oh come on! He's got something up his sleeve as always!

Hanku: _Hey, I part of this plan too._

Kanako: What's the worse that could happen guys (approaches the TV), it's not like they're gonna kill us (jumps into the TV).

Naru: _How would you know, Lee never tried to kill you._

Keitaro: (playing the Big Brother role) Kanako wait (jumps in after his sister)!

Naru: Keitaro (follows him)!

Motoko: Damn you Lee.

Kitsune: Let's go (both of them jump in).

Hanku: Did you wrong her the last time you were here?

Lee: Let me sum it up: kicked her ass in battle, kicked her ass in battle, kicked her ass in battle, grabbed her titties, kicked her ass in battle and kicked her sister's ass in battle.

Hanku: Damn, you're weird.

Lee: Everyone says that.

Sarah & Su: Wait for us guys (both of them jump in).

Shinobu: Guys…ooooohhhhhhh shit (jumps inside the TV).

Mutsumi: (walks into the dorm and sees what's going on) Oh, that looks fun I wanna try.

Hanku: Aw hell.

(Mutsumi ran to the TV, tripped and fell into the warp gate as well as any other girl that's not Haruka I forgot to mention.)

Lee: (semi-shocked) Did she just trip and fall into the dimensional gate?

Hanku: Yep.

Lee: (reverts back to not caring) Oh, then I'm not hallucinating (Lee jumps back into the gate and Hanku shakes his head and follows suit).

(Back at Peach's Castle)

The Hinata Retards found a way to either freak out or piss off some of the Smashers just by being themselves (mainly by beating up Keitaro, who managed not to die).

Zelda: (stares wide-eyed) These girls are crazy.

Mario: Lee always attracted the weirdest people.

Kirby: Didn't some of his other friends look at us the same way?

Pichu: (in agreement) Piiiiiiichu. (Lee and Hanku appeared in front of the girls)

Lee: Okay…um, where's Keitaro?

Keitaro: (plummets towards Lee) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Lee takes a step back and Keitaro hits the ground) Ow, present!

Lee: Cool. The game is Smash Bros. Obviously but here is a twist, you guys can metamorph into anyone of the Smashers behind me.

All the Hinata Resident: WHAT?

Luigi: You heard the man.

Lee: Simple all you have to do is stand in front of which you wish to use.

Hanku: Okay, so I stand in front of Gannondorf here, then what (Lee's eyes glowed green and Hanku magically phased into Gannondorf's body)? WHOA!

Keitaro: Oh my god!

Sarah: Awesome.

Lee: Now watch me, ready Bowser?

Bowser: Hell yeah. (Lee phased into Bowser's body in a few seconds)

Lee: (speaking through Bowser) Man, this is cool.

Kitsune: (gasp) He's speaking through the Koopa King!

Kanako: This is one of those situations where you can fully control Bowser's body, but he can still communicate with you.

Lee: Exactly, you're pretty astute.

Kanako: (smirked) Hmm, thank you.

Keitaro: Let me try (stands in front of Link). I pick you.

Link: (smiles) Let's do it.

Naru: (approaches Zelda) I'm with you.

Zelda: Let's got for it (they clasp each other's hands).

Motoko: (stares at Roy) You look like a strong fighter.

Roy: Thanks, wanna double up with me?

Motoko: Let's do it.

Marth: _Good luck dude._

Su: (jumps on Samus's back) Samus, you are so cool, awesome, I have always idolized you! Let me play with you, oh please, please, please!

Samus: (annoyed) If you want to use me that's fine, just get off my back.

Sarah: (looks up at Mewtwo) You're the infamous Mewtwo.

Mewtwo: (monotonous) Yeah, is there something you want to ask me?

Sarah: I wanna fight with you.

Mewtwo: (stares at Sarah for a few seconds) Let's go.

Sarah: (smiles) Yes.

Fox: (approaches Kitsune) You look like a fox.

Kitsune: (blushes) Everyone says that. You really know how to flatter a girl.

Fox: Seriously, you look like a fox, literally.

Kitsune: That's new. Anyway, how about you and I participate?

Fox: Why not? _Is this girl for real?_

Kanako: (stares at Mr. Game & Watch) I'll hang with you, gotta go with the black.

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep, beep, beep.

Shinobu: (eyes Kirby with hearts in her eyes) Aw, you're so cute.

Kirby: Thank you.

Shinobu: Please let me be your partner for this fight, I want to be near my sempai.

Kirby: No problem.

Mutsumi: (already hugging Pichu) You're so cute, and you look so much like Liddo-kun!

Pichu: Pichu?

Lee & Hanku: Liddo-kun?

Bowser: _What's that?_

Lee: _Some stuffed animal Naru and Mutsumi have._

Mutsumi: Please oh, please little…uh, what was your name again?

Pichu: Pichu.

Mutsumi: Pichu, can I join up with a little cutie like you?

Pichu: Pichu (does a Thundershock with excitement except he shocked Mutsumi and himself into a daze)!

Mutsumi: (dizzy) I think that's a yes.

Pichu: (dizzy as well) Pichuuuuuuuuuuu.

Lee: Okay, here goes (Lee does the same thing with his eyes and everyone else metamorphed into their desired partners).

Su: ALL RIGHT!

Naru: I kind of like this. _Too bad Zelda has a small rack though._

Zelda: _You bonded with me, Naru so I can hear your thoughts._ (Naru gasped)

Keitaro: Lee, how does this work?

Lee: Work? Oh the system, we're going by the Classic Mode system, but there are twists I won't get into. You'll just have to figure them out for yourself.

Hanku: On that note, Keitaro, you will be fighting the others.

Motoko: (shocked like everyone else) Why is that (Keitaro face-faults)?

Sarah: Yeah, why does that loser get to be…

Lee3: (appears out of nowhere) Because you all get to beat the shit out of him on a daily regular basis. Now it's his turn to kick some ass. So say it the author, so shall it be. Now get ready to fight (walks off).

Kanako: Where do we go for the battles?

Mario: Through that door (points to a blue door).

Kitusne: (smiles) Well, let's go (One by one the Hinata Residents each walked through that door while Lee and Hanku smile evilly).

Lee: Heh, heh, heh, heh. It's the twists is what will get them.

Hanku: Hey, Gannondorf is cool with it.

Lee: So am I.

Bowser: I hear ya, let's watch them beat the living crap out of each other.

Peach: Um, the rest of us are over here and we can hear what you guys are saying (Lee and Hanku fall over).

To Be Continued…

Lee3: Sorry guys, no Antics short this time I just wanted to get this out so you little bitches and bastards have something to look at while I get Part 2 written up. It is all fighting and I think you guys will like it.

Hanku: Isn't it time to end this update?

Lee3: Not yet, before I forget I want to give credit where credit is due. Hanku over here came up with the original concept of this chapter and basically co-wrote what you're gonna see near the end of part 2. Basically, if you like what you see in both parts 1 and 2 be sure to give some props to Hanku for coming up with the idea, I would have never thought of it. Anyway, I'll see you all next time.

Hanku: (waves to the readers) Later guys.

Lee3: _Rookies, you don't wave to the readers._


	6. Keitaro, Defeat the Ones you Love

(Lee3 leaps from a high platform flips and lands on his feet)

Lee3: AAAAAAAAAACCCCHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO (Does a Viewtiful Joe-like pose)! Yeah!

Hanku: Knock it off.

Lee3: Sorry (sees the audience). Oh hey, this is the moment you've all been waiting for.

Hanku: You hyped it up like crazy.

Lee3: Better live up to the hype. It's time for the disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina if I did Shinobu would give Keitaro head…well not really. I don't own the SSBM cast that belongs to Nintendo, RARE, Retro, Gamefreak, HAL and any other affiliate I forgot. I don't own Hanku either. I'm just using him out of permission.

Hanku: Yeah.

Lee3: In this chapter it's Keitaro's time to shine, to be in the limelight, to be the ass kicker we all know he can be.

Hanku: Because this is the only chapter where we'll get to see him kick some ass.

Lee3: ALL RIGHT, LET'S RUN IT!

Keitaro, Defeat the Ones you Love

(Link/Keitaro vs. Kirby/Shinobu)

Keitaro landed on one end of the Greens Green arena and Shinobu landed on the other side. Both of them were staring at each other with surprise and semi-shock.

Keitaro: Shinobu, I have to fight you first?

Shinobu: (nervous as always) S-sempai, oh no what am I gonna do?

Kirby: _Fight as hard as you can, Shinobu. Remember what I told you about my abilities._

Shinobu: (a little more battle ready) Right. Sempai, don't hold back.

Keitaro: (smiled) Okay, I won't Shinobu.

Link: _Keitaro, Kirby's body is really light so knocking him out of the arena won't be a problem. However, he can fly back into the arena._

Keitaro: In other words be ready.

Link: _Correct, also beware of his inhale ability._

Keitaro: I'm aware.

Voiceover: READY…GO!

(Shinobu charges at Keitaro, who jumped right before Shinobu used her fireball move. Keitaro landed and turned around to see Shinobu about to use her inhale ability, but Keitaro managed to throw his boomerang, which made contact with Shinobu. Keitaro charged at Shinobu and hit her with his sword send her a few feet into the air, Keitaro then followed up with his upward smash attack which all three slashes connected sending Shinobu further into the air. Keitaro jumped onto the platform above him and struck Shinobu one more time with the same move. Shinobu flew further into the air, but she countered with an attack of her own. She transformed into a rock and fell on Keitaro knocking him a foot away from her. He landed on his back, but recovered quickly while Shinobu was changing back, Keitaro grabbed her with his Hook-shot, hit Shinobu with the butt of the Master Sword twice and kicked her into another platform. After landing on it she rolled backwards and discovered a light saber. Keitaro dropped down to the ground level and spotted a Bomb-omb soldier near him. He ran and picked it up right before Whispy Woods started blowing him away from Shinobu who dropped down and started charging at Keitaro. Keitaro waited two seconds and threw the living bomb at Shinobu who couldn't stop in time and got blown up by the bomb.)

Shinobu: Yaaa (flew through the air really fast to the end of the stage and self-destructed)! OWAH!

Voiceover: GAME (Keitaro was warped out of the arena)!

(Meanwhile)

Hanku: That was fast.

Gannondorf: _It's Kirby, what did you expect?_

Lee: Throw in the fact that Shinobu is in love with Keitaro and you have an easy match for the pussbag. It's not like she's the Shinobu in GYRAX'S "Awe of She" fanfic.

(A.N.: That fic is so funny, suspenseful and Shinobu is badass in that fic. I didn't mean to put you on the spot GYRAX.)

Bowser: _What is the next match?_

Hanku: Link & Kirby vs. Fox & Zelda.

Lee: Translation, Keitaro & Shinobu vs. Kitsune & Naru.

Gannondorf: (sarcastic) that should be an interesting match.

Hanku: Yo, it's starting.

(Team Link (Keitaro & Shinobu) vs. Team Fox)

The arena is on top of the Great Fox flying above Corneria. Keitaro and Kitsune were on the main part of the ship while Naru and Shinobu were on the rear thruster of the ship.

Kitsune: Just because you're our manager doesn't mean we'll go easy on you.

Keitaro: (serious) you guys never do.

Naru: (stares at Shinobu with a little sadness in her/Zelda's eye's) Shinobu.

Shinobu: Listen, I'm gonna fight with all I have.

Kirby: _You tell her Shinobu!_

Naru: (uneasy) Shinobu…

Zelda: _Don't get complacent Naru. Remember Shinobu and Keitaro are our opponents. Don't hold back._

Naru: But…

Zelda:_ No buts, remember your lover is inside the body of my lover too and trust me, in our matches he doesn't hold back and neither do I._

Naru: Damn Zelda, I thought you were the ubber feminine princess.

Zelda: _I'm feminine, but not Toadstool feminine and besides I'm also a tomboy._

Naru: Don't you transform into a guy?

Zelda: _Yeah so?_

Naru: Doesn't that make you a hermaphrodite?

Zelda: (three seconds of silence) _I don't want to know what that is._

Voiceover: READY…GO!

(Kitsune flashed and kicked Keitaro in the face, followed by another kick and then a combination of "Kicks of fury". Naru tried to transform, but Shinobu sucked her in and copied one of her abilities. Naru issued a Meteor Strike, but Shinobu blocked it and countered with a few of Zelda's Nayru Shields. Next she did a horizontal Smash Attack and kicked Naru into the vertical wing of the ship and then Shinobu gave a one-two combo, but Naru blocked using her blocking shield. Shinobu, not willing to give up started using Kirby's Vulcan Jab and furiously attacked the shield. Meanwhile, after the kicks, Keitaro backed away and charged up his horizontal Smash Attack, Kitsune charged in and got hit by the dual Smash Attack combo Keitaro had waiting for her. Kitsune flew a few feet and she found a Home-run Bat, determined to eject of one of Keitaro's five Stock Players she charged at Keitaro, stopped short and sparkled as she readied her swing. Keitaro rolled behind Kitsune causing her to miss leaving her vulnerable to attack. Keitaro did a Ground Smash Attack forcing Kitsune to fly ten feet into the air as she came back down Keitaro jumped and did Link's Hurricane Attack which struck her four times, the fourth hit causing her to drop the bat and sent near the edge of the ship. Keitaro picked up the bat and charged at Kitsune who was recovering and struck her with a dash attack sending her careening off the ship. Not accepting defeat Kitsune did two well timed jumps and landed back onto the ship, but Keitaro already had the windup ready and he struck Kitsune with the bat before she could even put up a defense.)

Kitsune: (in pain) AAAH…(flies up into the air and is seen in the background) WHHHOOOOOoooooaaaa (becomes a star)!

Keitaro: (does a taunt) Better help Shinobu (rushes to the other end of the ship while Naru was getting pelted by the continuous barrage of Vulcan Jabs due to a broken shield, but then Shinobu stopped and Naru took advantage and did the ever annoying Ground Kick combo Zelda always does).

Naru: Eat this Shinobu, you little bitch (each kick sent Shinobu higher and higher into the air and after the sixteenth Ground Kick Naru teleport the edge of the vertical wing and charged up Zelda's Horizontal Smash Attack, but little did she realize that she teleported right in front of Keitaro. He wound up the bat and struck her from behind for an instant Homerun)!

Naru: AAAHHH (flew up into the air really fast, fell, hit the camera on the way down and self-destructed)…

Voiceover: GAME (Keitaro and Shinobu were teleported out of the arena)!

(Meanwhile)

Lee: How would you guys rank that last fight?

Bowser: _Better than the last one._

Hanku: That Home-run Bat made the fight short.

Gannondorf: _How did your friends learn about everyone's attributes so quickly?_

Hanku: Link and the other competitors must have told them everything.

Lee: They did have fifteen minutes before the fights started.

Hanku: Whom is Keitaro fighting next?

Lee: I think it is Giant Mewtwo/Sarah, but I forgot.

Hanku: (pulls up the result of the next match) According to the list it says here that Keitaro/Link is fighting Motoko/Roy next and that the Giant Mewtwo match-up is after that.

Lee: Okay, thanks. Does anyone have any predictions of this next fight?

Bowser: _I don't know how that girl fights but I predict that she will lose pretty quickly due to her stubbornness._

Lee: Define stubbornness.

Gannondorf: _He means that she will try using her own fighting style, which is disabled while she's using Roy's body._

Hanku: I can see that.

Lee: That is understandable, but I think the fight might be pretty good. If Motoko knows that she needs to strike Keitaro with the middle of Roy's blade and incorporate that into the Smash Attacks then Keitaro will lose a Stock Player.

Hanku: Don't forget Roy's Counter ability.

Gannondorf: _That is a factor, but unlike Marth she will actually need to time it correctly and time is something she doesn't have._

Lee: Yo, the fight is about to start.

(Link/Keitaro vs. Roy/Motoko)

Both fighters appear on the Hyrule Castle arena. Keitaro is standing in the middle of the arena and Motoko is standing on the platform above Keitaro.

Link: _Keitaro, I know your friend Motoko is a good swordfighter, but you have the advantage._

Keitaro: (nervous) How?

Link: _You don't have to adapt to a new fighting style…she does. There is no need to be nervous so let's kick some ass!_

Keitaro: (starting to get more confident) Alright, let's do this.

Motoko: (smirks) I gotta fight this perverted wuss? This is gonna be a cakewalk.

Roy: _Motoko, you haven't fully listened to me about my move-set._

Motoko: Trust me, I got it.

Roy: _I hope you do, but I do want to give you some advice about my Flare Blade._

Motoko: I know it can take someone out in one hit.

Roy: _True, but it takes five seconds to fully charge and that is a long time. Plus, we will take some damage from the explosion. It is a good idea to refrain from using the Flare Blade, but if you must, use it only once._

Motoko: Gotcha.

Voiceover: READY, GO!

Motoko: (Looking around) Where's Keitaro?

Keitaro: Right here (jumps and does Link's Hurricane Attack from under Motoko, the four hit combo made contact but it just inflicted damage and caused Motoko to flinch. Motoko dropped down to launch her own attack against Keitaro, but the manager in Link's body rolled backwards to avoid the attack).

Motoko: Pretty good, now try dodging this, BOULDER CUTTING BLADE (Keitaro used his blocking shield and held it for two seconds, but dropped when nothing was felt. He sees Motoko still in her stance, looking like an idiot in Roy's body.)!

Keitaro: Wasn't something supposed to happen here?

Motoko: (breaks her stance) What gives?

Link: _Keitaro._

Keitaro: Yes?

Link: _Motoko can't use any of her own moves while she is using Roy's body. Now is the time to strike while she is confused. Oh, and one more thing, since Roy's armor is on and that sword of his is heavy, Motoko will drop faster, but more damage will have to be done to beat her._

Keitaro: (softly) Thanks.

Motoko: What the hell is going on?

Roy: _I already said that you can't use any of your own moves while you're using my body. What part of that did you not understand?_

Motoko: (looking away from Keitaro) Shit, I forgot.

Roy: _LOOK OUT!_

Motoko: (freaks) WHAT (Motoko got hit from behind by one of Link's bombs. By the time she turned around she got hit by another bomb and then another, but she blocked the fourth one)? Damn, I let my guard down (removes the shield to find Keitaro missing), now where did he go (she waited two seconds and then jumped straight up and took a swipe at what appeared to be air, but in reality she nailed Keitaro, she tried again but he rolled out of the way and picked up a nearby Party-ball while Motoko did a double jump onto the platform above and saw Keitaro)? What are you gonna do with that?

Keitaro: This (throws it straight up into the air).

Motoko: GOT YOU (charged in and struck Keitaro with the middle of Roy's sword for maximum damage, Keitaro countered by using Link's hook-shot to successfully grab Motoko, hit her with the butt of the Master Sword, lift her up and strike her one more time launching a little ways into the air into the now falling Party-ball, which exploded on impact sending Motoko to the right side of the arena where she stopped and started falling ¾ of the way near the edge.)!

Link: _In case you were wondering, some of those Party-balls do explode._

Keitaro: Thanks for telling me that, now (He ran to where Motoko was falling, but she hit the ground, quickly recovered and was already rushing to meet Keitaro).

(Motoko lunged at the fall Keitaro who tried to attack Motoko, but missed and Motoko countered with another attack, but it didn't send Keitaro very far. He landed and rolled near what appeared to be a broken column. Motoko landed near him and she tried Roy's Horizontal Smash Attack, but Keitaro blocked it, she took a few steps closer and tried again, but Keitaro blocked that attempt as well. Motoko then tried the Double-Edge Dance, but Keitaro not wanting to see what would happen rolled behind Motoko who struck air all four combos and got in two quick strikes and started stabbing Motoko really fast while she was against the column and kept going pinning her there.)

Motoko: _Damn, I can't move._

Roy: _Try to block._

(Motoko managed to do so after getting struck ten more times. Keitaro however didn't give up he just kept going and going until the shield broke and Motoko flew up into the air while flashing a maroon color. She landed on the ground dizzy while Keitaro charged up his Ground Smash Attack and released it send the heavily damaged Motoko straight into the air and out of the arena.)

Motoko: Damn (hits the camera as she fell)! OW (self-destructs)!

Voiceover: GAME (Keitaro is transported out of the arena)!

(Meanwhile)

Lee: Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnn! That was cool!

Bowser: _Was I right about her adaptability?_

Hanku: Yes, but not the time.

Bowser: _So it took five minutes, sue me._

Hanku: Man, those quick stabs really helped Keitaro dominate that fight.

Gannondorf: _That girl was unprepared for that match._

Lee: She probably wasn't listening to Roy.

Hanku: No surprise there.

(Interrupt Fic)

Lee3: Hi, just to clear up a little detail. The Smashers can communicate with the Hinata crew telepathically, but they can only speak with the Hinata resident who is using that Smasher's body. However, the exception is with Lee, Hanku, Bowser and Gannondorf for obvious reasons that if you haven't figured out yet…you SUCK! Heheheheheheheheheheheh, now let's get back to the fic. RESUME!

(Fic Resumes)

Lee: Is the Giant Mewtwo thing next?

Gannondorf: (slightly annoyed) _Yes._

Lee: (excited) ALRIGHT!

Hanku: Why are you so excited?

Lee: Don't you remember that Sarah chose Mewtwo?

Hanku: Oh yeah…(smiles evilly) this next match might be fun to watch.

(Link/Keitaro, Zelda/Naru, Roy/Motoko vs. Giant Mewtwo/Sarah)

Team Link/Keitaro appeared on the Ice Climbers' home turf.

Keitaro: (sees the two people he just beat) Oh shit (does a couple of back flips and gets into a fighting stance)!

Motoko: (mellow) Calm down Keitaro I'm not looking for revenge.

Roy: _Jumpy, isn't he?_

Motoko: _Don't blame him._

Naru: This match is a Three on One match-up or what Lee would call it a Handicap Match.

Keitaro: So the three of us are a team? I'm all for this, bring the next opponent!

Motoko: (smirks while sound arrogant) No one can beat my awesome skills.

Naru: Lee has, several times.

Motoko: (annoyed) I'm talking about here in this world.

Keitaro: I just beat you thirteen minutes ago.

Motoko: (bows her head in depression) Don't remind me of reality (regains composure). Still, whoever our next opponent does not stand a chance against us.

Naru: Yeah, I feel sorry for the poor sap that faces us.

(Suddenly, a giant pokémon teleported ten feet away from Keitaro, Naru and Motoko. It was white and purple, had a long tail with a club at the end of it and…ah the hell with it, it was a giant Mewtwo!)

Naru: (starting to shiver in fear) Oh my god.

Sarah: Fe, fi fo, fum, I smell the blood of three Japanese people: two in the bodies of Hylians and one in the body of a Beroc.

Link: _Yay, she didn't call me an elf, not like those assholes in that damn, Soul Caliber 2 dimension._

Zelda: _Yay, she didn't call me an elf, but I'm as cute as a female elf (blushes)._

Naru: _Can it hermaphrodite!_

Zelda: _I am not a HERMAPHRODITE! What's a hermaphrodite?_

Naru: _It's someone who has both male and female Reproductive Organs._

Zelda: (sternly) _I don't have a penis!_

Naru: (smirks) _Suuuuuure you don't._

Keitaro: (whispers) Motoko, Naru?

Motoko & Naru: (whispers in response) Yes?

Keitaro: The fight will start any minute. You two take a position and try to surround her.

Naru & Motoko: Right (Motoko took jumped onto the platform above Sarah and Naru teleported behind the girl in Mewtwo's body.

(Meanwhile)

Lee: Any last minute predictions?

Hanku, Bowser & Gannondorf: Scrolling.

Lee: I can see that the scrolling landscape can be a major factor, but I think Sarah will get beat by the fighters rather than the scrolling.

Hanku: Maybe, though she is inside a giant Mewtwo she can't forget that she is still light and can be taken out quickly.

Bowser: _Let's watch and see._

Voiceover: READY, GO!

(Sarah immediately did a Ground Smash Attack on Keitaro before he had a chance to block. The attack engulfed Keitaro in purple flame, but he was okay. Motoko dropped down and did a Meteor Strike, which connected, but didn't cause Sarah to flinch. Naru tried a couple of regular attacks, a Karate Chop, a Horizontal Smash Attack and an upward Smash Attack, but neither of them phased Sarah who just laughed, grabbed Naru lifted her up into the air and fired three Shadow Balls at her. Keitaro did a Double Smash Attack, which got to Sarah due to all the previous damage she took and it got her attention.)

Sarah: What the hell (turns to see Keitaro flipping the bird and Sarah got pissed)? Suck on this dork (She did Mewtwo's Horizontal Smash Attack, but Keitaro was too close to do much damage, then Naru used Din's Fire to nail Sarah from behind and Keitaro started doing that multiple stab combo again which was starting to get to Sarah who was trying to fight through it)!

Motoko: (stands right behind Sarah's leg and started charging the Flare Blade) _C'mon Keitaro hold her there._

Roy: _Excellent plan Motoko._

Little does Motoko know, but a Poison Mushroom materialized right behind her, but fortunately for her it's moving away from her towards an ice block so she had a few more seconds.

Sarah: Enough of this (Sarah managed to get an attack in and stopped Keitaro's onslaught, then she got an Upward Smash Attack in and sent Keitaro flying a few feet as the arena started to slowly scroll downward, while Naru threw a fan at the giant getting her attention)!

Motoko: GOTCH BITCH (executes a fully charged Flare Blade, which sent Sarah flying really fast and it would have taken her out, but part of the arena stopped her thus, saving her for now)! Damn (gets shrunk by the Poison Mushroom that caught up with her)! Crap (the arena started scrolling upwards really fast)! DAMMIT!

(Sarah is having a field day keeping up with the scrolling arena, while Keitaro and Naru are trying to keep up while attacking Sarah. Motoko is barely able to keep up and in her shrunken state she has to use the Blazer move in order to stay in the fight. Naru grabbed an Energy Sword while Sarah who was at the uppermost platform is charging up Mewtwo's Shadow Ball. Keitaro tried to attack Sarah from behind but got caught in the Shadow Ball and got electrocuted. Naru started walking towards Sarah, who launched the Shadow Ball at Naru, but she used Nayru's Shield and sent it back at Sarah. She tried to block it, but Keitaro used Link's Hook-shot to grab Sarah and kick her into the Shadow Ball which sent her out of the arena causing her to self-destruct.)

Sarah: (groans in pain) Uwah.

Voiceover: GAME (All three fighters are teleported out of the arena)!

(Meanwhile)

Lee: Okay, that was a tough fight.

Hanku: Yeah, they pulled it out as a team.

Bowser: _Keitaro is really stepping up._

Gannondorf: _The next fight is starting pretty quick._

Hanku: Keitaro has to fight Su next.

Lee: Kaolla is using Samus right?

Hanku: Yeah.

Lee: This won't take long.

(Link/Keitaro vs. Samus Aran/Kaolla Su)

(Both fighters were teleported onto the Planet Zebes arena.)

Su: (excited) Keitaro, are you ready to have some fun?

Keitaro: Yes.

Voiceover: READY, GO!

(Su leapt to the platform above Keitaro who jumped and struck her from under her feet, then he double jumped onto the platform and Su grabbed him and threw him over her head. Keitaro recovered and landed back onto the platform and got in two quick hits against Su before she blasted him with a missile. She then tried to do a Horizontal Smash Attack, but Keitaro rolled out of the way and countered with his own Smash Attack, which sent Su flying ten feet. Both fighters found a poke ball near each other so they each grabbed and Su threw hers' at Keitaro, but he blocked it and it landed right by him a Wobbuffet came and since it doesn't attack anyone Su leapt to the center platform where Keitaro was standing and tried to attack him. He dropped down to ground level while Su missed and hit the Wobbuffet causing it to bounce around hitting Su repeatedly. Taking advantage of the opportunity Keitaro threw his ball at Su causing her to fly a little ways off the arena. The ball opened and only a Goldeen came out. By that time the Wobbuffet disappeared, Keitaro jumped onto the platform above him, Su came back into the arena and the acid started rising quickly. Knowing what would have Su tried leaping to Keitaro's platform before it was too late but Keitaro successfully intercepted her and knocked her back onto the other platform where a Metal Box appeared.)

Keitaro: (concerned) Oh no.

Su: (lands on her feet and sees the box) Sweet (picks it up and is encased in a metallic coding)!

(Again Su leaps to Keitaro's platform trying to escape the acid, but Keitaro desperately tried a Spin Attack and Su bounced off the tip and onto the ground level of the arena just after the acid covered it and all platforms, except the one Keitaro was standing on due to its elevation. Su sank in the acid taking in a bunch of damage and then the Metal effect wore off. Su immediately was rocketed straight up into the air out of the arena and became a star.)

Voiceover: GAME (Keitaro is teleported out of the arena)!

Bowser: _That was embarrassing._

Gannondorf: (chuckles) _Yeah, but it was funny huh?_

Bowser: (stern) _No, it wasn't_ (three seconds of silence and then he snickered), _yes it was._

Lee: The next match is also starting just as fast as the last one, could my author be rushing through this chapter?

Hanku: Who cares, it's just Team Pichu.

Lee: True, I guess this next fight won't last long.

Hanku: Shhhhhhhh, it's starting.

(Link/Keitaro vs. Team Pichu/Mutsumi)

Pokémon Stadium is the next arena and Keitaro teleported onto one of the platforms while three Mutsumis each in the body of Pichu fell from the sky.

Voiceover: READY, GO!

(All three Mutsumis leapt at Keitaro, who did a Spin Attack and knocked them all out of the arena, three more tried to drop in on Keitaro and he did his Upward Smash Attack on them and got rid of them, he found a pokéball and threw it straight up into the air and it took out a falling Jigglypuff while two more Mutsumis showed up one on each side of Keitaro. Keitaro Smash attacked one and blocked the other while the ball opened up and revealed a Moltres. The Firebird Pokémon took out the Mutsumi trying to head-butt Keitaro and the two others that fell on the inflamed bird, then three more fell on it and they were taken out and this kept going on until after Moltres left, but by then there was only three Mutsumis left and Keitaro was holding another pokéball. He threw it at one of them at point blank range taking out that one. The other Mutsumi was charging up Pichu's Skull Bash while the last one tried a Thunder attack, but Keitaro took her out before she could get it out. The last Mutsumi executed a fully charged Skull Bash which Keitaro barely dodged and countered with a Ground Smash Attack and sent Mutsumi flying straight up into the air.)

Mutsumi: CHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…(self-destructed) PICHU!

Voiceover: GAME!

Lee: (chuckling) Did anybody tape that last fight?

Hanku: That was quick.

Gannondorf: _This is what happens when an idiot and a Pichu get together._

Bowser: _The next fight will be better._

Gannondorf: _Who is Keitaro fighting in that one?_

Bowser: _Metal Mr. Game&Watch._

(Everyone fell silent for ten seconds and then…laughter.)

Hanku: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, GAME&WATCH?

Lee: HE SUCKS!

Gannondorf: _EVEN WITH KANAKO HE WILL STILL GET HIS ASS KICKED!_

Bowser: _ANOTHER EASY WIN COMING UP!_

(Link/Keitaro vs. Metal Mr. Game&Watch/Kanako)

Keitaro was teleported to the base of the Battlefield Arena (I think that's what it's called) while Kanako was teleported to the platform above him.

Keitaro: Almost there, just one more fight after this.

Voiceover: READY, GO!

(Kanako immediately dropped in and hit Keitaro with a giant key. She then gave her stepbrother a repeated dose of DDT, but Keitaro countered with a boomerang to the face, then a Horizontal Smash Attack and a Ground Smash Attack, but Kanako would not budge. She did a taunt and then executed her own Smash Attack, which Keitaro blocked but Kanko grabbed him and threw him high into the air and to the right. Keitaro managed to recover but Kanako ran under the platform he landed on and attacked him with the parachute. Kanako leapt onto the platform and Keitaro did a Meteor Attack and struck her three times. Then he grabbed a nearby mine and threw at her and then he rolled behind Kanako, grabbed her and kicked her close to the mine and then Keitaro brought the sword down on Kanako, knocking her into the mine and flying off the arena, but she did a midair jump and landed back onto the platform.)

Keitaro: Damn, that metal frame is causing her to fall quickly, but it's giving her some extreme resistance (Keitaro then charged at Kanako who picked up a Home-run Bat and threw it at Keitaro who had no time to stop. It struck him and he went flying off the edge on the left side of the arena. Kanko ran as Keitaro did a double jump and then a Hurricane Spin to help him make it back onto the arena and into Kanako's Horizontal Smash Attack, which connected). OW (flies far away and self-destructs)! AAHHH!

(Kanako did Game & Watch's taunt while Keitaro hovered on a floating platform above the arena. He dropped off the platform and landed on the center platform where a Hammer materialized right next to him. With an evil smile on his face he grabbed the hammer, turned and charged at Kanako with it who tried to get away but couldn't and she got pummeled by the Hammer-wielding Keitaro. He hit her seven times and when the hammer disappeared, he waited for Kanko to fall close enough for him to do Link's Spin Attack. The tip of the spin hit Kanako and she bounced off the sword, out of the arena, fell to oblivion and self-destructed).

Voiceover: GAME (Keitaro is teleported out of the arena)!

Hanku: (excited) THAT WAS EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMEEEEE!

Bowser: _Finally, he lost a Stock Player._

Lee: That's less work for us.

Gannondorf: _Is it time yet?_

Lee: Almost.

Hanku: We're gonna kick SO MUCH ASS!

Lee: YEAH!

(Link/Keitaro vs. Master Hand)

(Keitaro was warped onto the arena known as Final Destination and his opponent flew in while acting cocky.)

Master Hand: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Keitaro: Let's go.

Link: _I already told you about Master Hand. Remember, a balance between offense and defense is the key to victory._

Keitaro: Got it.

Voiceover: Ready, GO!

(Keitaro charged into battle and started off with a Meteor Attack that struck Master Hand three times, and then he followed up with an Upward Smash Attack and again all three hits connected. Master backed off and countered with a slap, which Keitaro blocked and countered with another Upward Smash Attack. The white glove backed off and formed a gun. Since Keitaro couldn't reach him he threw the boomerang and bombs at him and then he barely blocked the two bullets Master fired. Master took off and did a fly by flicking which made contact with Keitaro, but he kicked the hand when he came back. Master Hand was getting ready for his next attack but Keitaro leapt and attacked him again. The attack connected but Master Hand pointed himself straight up at rocketed upward knocking Keitaro twenty feet into the air and came back down with his Drill move, which rammed Keitaro into the ground and struck him multiple times. Master did back off again and Keitaro got up and hit the evil glove with his boomerang, but what happened next did not prepare Keitaro for this. Another white glove with an eviler laugh joined in.)

Crazy Hand: (flew in and started laughing evilly) Hehahahahahahahahohohahahahaheheheheheheheheheheheheh.

Keitaro: (shocked) Who is that?

Link: _Damn, I forgot to mention Crazy Hand, Master Hand's brother. He has upgraded versions of Master Hand's moves as well as a few of his own. Together they can do Dual Techniques and Crazy Hand doesn't need to do nearly as much damage to you to take you out!_

Master Hand: Brother, why are you here?

Crazy Hand: I never pass up an opportunity to pound someone senseless.

Master Hand: Okay then let's get 'em!

(Keitaro started whaling on Master Hand, trying to finish him off quickly while Crazy Hand charged up to get a Dual Technique ready. Master Hand hovered at the right edge of the arena and fired lasers from his fingers, which zapped and shocked Keitaro, but he fought through it and started attacking Master Hand by using Meteor Attacks, Upward Smash Attacks, bombs and jumping and stabbing him, which put the weakened white glove at the danger level, but Master Hand finished his attack and he and Crazy put Keitaro to sleep and then they did the Clap which struck Keitaro ten times and flung him far over the edge. He tried to use the hook-shot, but it fell short and he fell of and self-destructed.)

Keitaro: AAAHHH (He came back on the hovering platform and dropped down to the arena and he was pissed.)! THAT'S IT!

Link: (concerned) _What are you doing?_

Keitaro: GETTING CRAZY (charges at Crazy Hand)!

Link: (freaks) _NO FOCUS ON MASTER HAND FIRST!_

(Keitaro leapt and did a Meteor Attack on Crazy Hand, which made contact three times, but Crazy countered with a Spider Walk and though Keitaro did a midair dodge he still took some damage from the walk. Master tried to do the Drill again, but Keitaro was too far away for white glove to nail him. Crazy came back and Keitaro did a Hurricane Attack which hit Crazy all four times, Crazy backed off and then grabbed Keitaro and managed to squeeze him a few times before Keitaro broke the hold, but not without a big flower on his head which kept hurting him. Master rocketed off and Crazy did too barely missing the Ex-Ronin.

Master Hand came in with a Rocket Punch, but Keitaro rolled out of the way and then Crazy appeared out of nowhere with a Flick, but Keitaro barely dodged it and then managed to double jump over Crazy's Return Flick and struck him again with another Meteor Strike, which connected twice before Crazy hand moved to straight up and started bombing Keitaro, who ran out of the way. Master flew up and charged himself up while advancing towards Keitaro, but he stopped and did his Palm Slam right before he was over Keitaro who was charging a Horizontal Smash Attack and after Crazy Hand finished with the bombs he struck Master hand twice. Then Keitaro jumped and Double-kicked Crazy Hand and stabbed him with his sword as he descended. Crazy pointed his finger at Keitaro who waited and moved at the last second before Crazy did his Poke move causing him to miss entirely. Keitaro countered with a bomb and did a Midair Dodge to avoid Master Hand's punch. Keitaro did one more Upward Smash Attack and he almost had Crazy Hand finished, but Master Hand signaled for his brother for a Dual Technique.)

Keitaro: Oh no (Both hands formed fists but before they could execute their attack, Hanku showed up out of nowhere and did Gannondorf's Wizard's Foot on Master Hand, and Lee did Bowser's Bowser Bomb on Crazy Hand finishing them both off)!

Master Hand & Crazy Hand: GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHH (they both explode)!

Keitaro: (walks toward Lee) Hey thanks…(Lee punches him into Hanku who kicked him into the ground)

Lee: We're not here to save you.

Hanku: We're here to kick your ass (Shinobu and Su teleport near Keitaro still in their avatar's bodies)! What?

Shinobu: (serious) We won't let you gang up on Sempai!

Su: (excited) ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS!

Lee: You all wanna fight us, let's go.

(Lee charged up Bowser's Horizontal Smash Attack, but Shinobu sucked him into her and copied Bowser's Fire Breath ability, but Lee did a Bowser Bomb on Shinobu knocking her a few feet into the air. Then he did an Upward Smash Attack knocking her high into the and Lee charged up for another one, but Shinobu transformed into a rock and fell on Lee which hurt him, but did stop him. He grabbed Shinobu, head-butted her twice and placed her on the shell and spun around hurt Shinobu multiple times and then launched her ten feet into the air. Finally, Lee jumped up and used Bowser's hard head to knock Shinobu even further into the air and out of the arena.)

Shinobu: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH (becomes a star)!

(Hanku was doing well against Su even though he took some damage he was still in control of the fight, until Keitaro hit him with the hook-shot, after that Su started throwing Hanku around, Lee grabbed Keitaro and threw her into Su. Hanku came back with a downward punch aimed at Su and it connected sending her flying. Shinobu came back with a Hammer and stuck Lee with it, but while in the air Lee came back with a Bowser Bomb temporarily stopping the hammer onslaught. Then he did an upward Smash Attack nearly taking Shinobu out of the fight again, but Keitaro grabbed a Home-run Bat and did a Smash Attack with it taking Lee out Hanku did a Dark Dive on Su and kicked her out of the arena after shocking her. She tried to get back via the Screw Attack, but Hanku kicked her again where she tried another Screw Attack, fell short and self-destructed.)

Hanku: This is getting annoying (Blocks the boomerang that Keitaro threw and countered with a Wizard's Foot, but Keitaro jumped over Hanku who kept going and hit Shinobu who was done falling, but the kick sent flying out of the arena again causing her to self-destruct.).

Shinobu: NO!

(Lee came back and started whaling on Su who also came back, Keitaro tried to hit Lee with the bat again, but Lee threw Su into him and Hanku did the Dark Punch and sent Su out of the arena, Su recovered and Lee rushed to the edge of the arena charging up the Horizontal Smash Attack, Su tried a Screw Attack to get back, but Lee executed the attack, which made contact with her send off to the side and blow up again. Hanku did a Smash Attack of his own and got rid of Keitaro who dropped the bat before he left.)

Hanku: Two more for him.

Lee: (picks up another bat) And I got another bat.

(Keitaro dropped in after a few seconds Hanku grabbed him and Lee struck him with the bat taking him out again.)

Su: Eat this (fires and Charged Shot at Lee from behind)!

Lee: (turned around) Where did…(got shot and was sent flying a few feet.)

Hanku: Oh…(got sucked in by Shinobu who turned around and spat him at Lee in the form of a star, which hit Lee for further damage. Hanku reformed and kicked Shinobu while Su charged up another Charge Shot. Shinobu leapt at Hanku who tried a Dark Dive that Shinobu avoided turned and sucked up Hanku and copied Gannondorf's ability. Shinobu dodged Hanku's Meteor Attack while Lee leapt at Su, but was hit by a boomerang. He turned around and saw Keitaro.)

Lee: (pissed) WHAT YOU?

Keitaro: NOW!

(Su fired a full charged Charge Shot at Lee and it connected sending him into the air and out of the arena.)

Lee: DAMN (hit the camera on the way down), FUCK (self-destructs)!

Hanku: LEE (gets hit by Shinobu who is mimicking the Dark Punch sending him into the air and out of the arena)! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH (becomes a star)!

Shinobu: (cheering) We got them!

Hanku: (comes back via the platform) Not yet.

(Hanku kicks Shinobu, but Keitaro grabbed him and hit him repeatedly with the butt of the sword while Shinobu shot several missiles at him. Hanku broke free and Smash Attacked Keitaro, but got hit by Shinobu who did Kirby's Final Cutter and Su grabbed Hanku and threw him a little ways. Keitaro threw a Green Shell at him sending him flying far out of the arena, but he found a way to come back to a thrown bat to the face knocking him out of the ring into oblivion.)

Hanku: (self-destructs) SHIT!

Voiceover: GAME!

(Keitaro, Shinobu and Su did the victory poses of their respected characters while the other Hinata girls showed up still in the Smasher's bodies.)

Naru: (happy) You guys did it!

Kanako: Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeep. (Translation: _I can't believe it._)

Kitsune: You three really came together.

Motoko: Even I am impressed with you three, especially you Keitaro.

Keitaro: Ah, thanks everyone.

Su: We need a party! We need a party!

Mutsumi: Pichu, Pichu. (Translation: _Yeah, Yeah!_)

Naru: Let's celebrate Lee and Hanku's defeat!

Lee: (voice boom from below) Do you ass-wipes really think this is over?

(Everyone freaks when they see Bowser and Gannondorf leap back up and land on the Final Destination arena. Lee split off from Bowser and Hanku split off from Gannondorf. All four fighters were pissed off and lightening started striking the arena. Lee grew to 20 ft. and transformed into a dragon that was inflamed. It has four wings and the flames that covered him were multi-colored and when he roared a dragon's roar and a bird's cry could be heard at the same time. Bowser was struck by lightening and transformed into Giga Bowser while Gannondorf transformed into that pig monster from "Ocarina of Time". Hanku's eyes turned blood red, his brown hair turned silver and spiked up a little bit, he grows small noticeable fangs and his nails grow sharp, he grows three inches, his muscles grow two inches and his face becomes that of a dragon's without the tail and wings.)

Keitaro: (stares at the transformed fighter with shock and awe.) Motherfuck.

(The Final Destination Arena expanded four times its size to accommodate everyone.)

Kitsune: Time to fight.

Lee: TIME STOP (stops time for a few minutes and everyone is frozen except for himself, Hanku, Giga Bowser and Gannondorf)!

Hanku: What's with the Time Freeze?

Lee: Without my darker half I can only control this form for five minutes so I thought up of a plan to end this fight quickly.

Gannon: We're listening.

Lee: I will fly above the arena and use my Dragon Phoenix Flame on them, Giga Bowser feel free to assist with your flame breath.

Giga Bowser: Will do.

Lee: After the flame barrage, Hanku will rush in and take out anyone in his way with Gannon's assistance and then we all finish off anyone who is left.

Giga Bowser: (smiles evilly) Sounds like a plan.

Gannon: I like it.

Hanku: (smiles evilly) Let do it.

Lee: TIME START (time resumes)!

Voiceover: READY, GO!

Keitaro: ATTACK!

Naru: Let's do it!

Sarah: With teamwork…

Shinobu: …no one

Su: …can beat us.

Motoko: Let go!

(Everyone charged at the four fighters, but Lee flew high into air and reared his head back.)

Lee: DRAGON PHOENIX FLAME (releases a multi-colored flame right at the Hinata Residents and when it made contact they were all powerless to fight it.)!

(A.N.: Lee's Dragon Phoenix Flame looks like Ho-oh's Sacred Fire except it is multi-colored, does a lot more damage and Lee doesn't use it as long.)

Giga Bowser: I'm up (rushes in and uses his Flame Breath with Lee's flame still active)!

(After Lee exhausted the flame and Giga Bowser backed off, Hanku rushed and immediately kicked Kanako out of arena and into oblivion.)

Kanako: (self-destructs) BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

Keitaro: Shinobu absorb his power.

Gannon: No you don't (jumped in and struck Shinobu with one of his swords and took her out)!

Shinobu: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH (becomes a star)!

(Giga Bowser did his Horizontal Smash Attack on Kitsune blowing her up and out of the arena. Lee's wings glowed white and he flew right through the other fighters hitting them all, but Keitaro and his friends with his wings. Everyone else got taken out of the fight then Lee tail whipped Keitaro who was still in the air and knocked him Giga Bowser's way. He punched him towards Hanku and he kicked him to Gannon who kicked him straight up and Hanku Ki Teleported above Keitaro and punched him back downward at Gannon, who slashed Keitaro into Giga Bowser, who did a Whirling Fortress freezing Keitaro causing him bounce off his shell into Lee who punched him straight out of the ring.)

Keitaro: (flew really fast and self-destructed) NO!

Voiceover: GAMESET!

(All of the Hinata fighters fell into the abyss and exploded while Hanku folded his arms and laughed, Gannon did a fancy trick with his swords, Giga Bowser spewed fireballs into the air and Lee got on all fours and roared.)

(Back at Hinata House)

The residents got shot back out of the TV and onto the couch groaning in pain.

Keitaro: Man, we got rolled.

Naru: (smiled) At least we had fun.

Kanako: For once Naru I agree with you.

Su: Does anyone have a banana?

Everyone else including the readers: (annoyed) SHUT UP!

(Back in the Smash Bros. Dimension)

Hanku: (laughing) That was tight.

Lee: Yo guys, thanks again for help.

Bowser: No problem.

Peach: We enjoyed ourselves.

Gannondorf: You weren't fighting.

Peach: I know, but it was fun watching.

Mario: I second that.

Luigi: When are you gonna be back?

Lee: Don't know, maybe when this fic is over or something.

Hanku: Lee, we better go, man.

Lee: He's right, we gotta go.

Yoshi: Okay, we'll see you later.

Link: Lee, did you ever get Darkness?

Lee: No, he got away.

Link: All I can say is keep at it.

Lee: Way ahead of you.

(Lee and Hanku teleport back to the Love Hina dimension and saw the residents on the couch.)

Hanku: Should we console them?

Lee: No, they'll be fine.

Throughout the rest of the day everyone was a good sport about the matches, even Naru had fun, which nearly gave Lee a Heart Attack out of surprise.

Everyone relaxed until they went to bed at 11:00pm. Everyone was in his or her respected rooms, Lee and Hanku were in Lee's Subspace Room sleeping. Lee was hanging upside down, covered by his wings as usual, but under the covers he is having a nightmare.

(Lee's Nightmare)

Two blonde fairies, one 5'8", the other 7'0" are fighting a Succubus Queen and they're losing badly and dying.

The 7'0" fairy: Fiona, I think this is it.

Fiona: I won't accept death…I promised him I would stay alive. Venus, you should escape from here.

Venus: What? No!

Fiona: You are the queen you need to survive. I hold this bitch off.

Venus: I'll finish her NOW (flies at the Succubus)!

Fiona: Venus, NO!

Succubus Queen: (smirks) You cannot defeat me.

Venus: We'll see (takes a swipe at the succubus, but she ki teleported behind her and stabbed her in the back)! Urk…I…failed…you…all (falls to the ground and dies).

Fiona: VENUS (stares at the succubus), YOU'RE DEAD (flies at the queen and fires an energy wave the winged lady, who deflected the wave with her right hand, but lost sight of Fiona)!

Succubus Queen: Where did…found you (stared straight ahead and thrusted her sword to her left, stabbing Fiona in her chest).

Fiona: _No, not now._

Succubus Queen: (turned to face Fiona and choked her) Goodbye, you inferior little fairy (spikes came out of her back, curved around over her head and stabbed Fiona in multiple places, then she threw into the ground). No more fairies…heheheheehehehehahahahahahahahahaha (she flew off leaving Fiona to die in the wilderness)!

Fiona: (tears dripping from her dying body) Lee…I'm…sorry (slowly closed her eyes and died).

(Nightmare Ends)

Lee wakes up and falls on his head.

Lee: (breathes heavily) _Venus and Fiona…are dead? I-I can't believe they…_(closes his eyes and starts crying).

To Be Continued…

Antics: Don't Lose Your Head

Warning: I do not own the song "Beheaded", that belongs to the band Offspring and their affiliates. I am merely doing a disturbing parody.

Lee: (holding his Double-neck Guitar) Are the drums ready?

Sarah: Yeah.

Hanku: (holding a Bass Guitar) I tuned the Bass.

Shinobu: (holding a microphone) I'm ready.

Lee: Let's hit it (start playing)!

Shinobu: "_Naru doesn't have her head anymore_

_I chopped it off when she came through the door_

_She went and hurt Sempai today_

_And she never used her head anyway_

_Kitsune called me a sick whore_

I bet the bitch won't say that anymore

_I took her head using an axe_

_After she went and took Ex-lax_

_Beheaded_

Watching blood splurt like a garden hose

_Beheaded_

Blood has gotten all over my clothes

_Next I went after Motoko_

_Sliced her head off while she was using a bow_

_I guess her training was a waste_

_Now her blood is all over the place_

_I got Mutsumi via guillotine_

_And it seemed like it was all routine_

_I can believe she's dumb as hell_

_But it was funny how her head fell_

_Beheaded_

Watching everyone's heads roll

_Beheaded_

Blood is now all over the walls

_Damn this collection_

_Sticking these heads on bamboo poles_

_Used to be a little, but a little got more and more_

_And I'm craving yours_

Everyone: _Night brings bad dreams_

_Bad dreams with guillotines_

_Night brings bad dreams_

_Bad dreams with guillotines_

Lee: _Off with her head_

Hanku: _Off with her head_

Sarah: _Off with her head_

Hanku: _Off with her head_

Lee: Off with her head

Shinobu: Off with her head

OFF WITH HER HEEEEEAAAAAAADDD

_Now I went and just killed off Su_

_And I went and got Sarah too_

_I guess that was the wrong thing to do_

_Then again they say Monkey see, Monkey do_

_Kanako was last to go _

_I enjoyed watching her head fall and roll_

_Now I'm as happy as can be _

_Now I have Sempai all to me_

_Beheaded_

I love seeing that guillotine fall

_Beheaded_

I'M LICKING BLOOD ALL OFF THE WALLS

Shinobu: (smiles) Thanks guys, I feel better now.

Lee, Hanku & Sarah: You're welcome Shinobu.

Antics: Commentary

Naru: What is the point of this?

Lee3: To acknowledge who came up with what?

Keitaro: What do you mean?

Hanku: For example, I came up with the original concept of this chapter and the last one.

Lee3: I just wrote out this chapter.

Mutsumi: Who came up with that twist with the death of the Hands?

Lee3: Hanku came up with that.

Kitsune: Who came up with the transformations with Giga Bowser, the Dragon Phoenix…

Hanku: (points to Lee) Lee came up with that. Lee, what was up with the fight beforehand?

Lee3: It didn't work out the way I planned it, but I think it turned out okay.

Kanako: Which one of you two idiots came up who used what character?

Hanku: (smiled) I did (all the residents minus Keitaro are staring at Hanku pissed off). What?

Naru & Motoko: GET HIM!

Hanku: Shit (gets up and runs while the others are chasing him)!

Keitaro: I guess we can't finish the commentary.

Lee3: No big deal, I'm just glad I got this fic done, even if it is four days behind schedule.

Keitaro: At least you're happy.

Lee3: To be honest I hope the fans will like it.

Keitaro: And if they don't?

Lee3: Can't please everybody.

Lee3: That's it for this chapter. I hoped you all enjoyed it…then again I'll probably get another flame from an anonymous reviewer with a retarded screen-name. Anyway, review or flame guys I'm looking for a laugh. Before I go the next two chapters start getting serious. Chapter 8 involves something that might freak out people like Bigfics for example. That's all I got you guys see you all in April or May.

Hanku: OWWWWWWW! THEY'RE TORTURING ME!

Lee3: PUT SOME ICE ON THE WOUNDS YOU'LL BE FINE!


	7. Love Conquers AllThat's Crap

Lee3: Okay kiddies, the last chapter didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

Angry Reader: IT SUCKED (throws a screwdriver at Lee3 who caught without flinching)!

Lee3: _Damn, nothing ever pleases this guy…wait, didn't I already kill him?_ This chapter is pretty serious.

Angry Reader: SELL OUT (throws a hammer that missed Lee3's head)!

Lee3: It will probably offend people.

Angry Reader: ASSHOLE!

Lee3: Excuse me (takes out his cell phone and dials some numbers).

Unknown: Hello?

Lee3: That kid is still here.

Unknown: Isn't he dead?

Lee3: No he's not dead.

Unknown: What's his condition?

Lee3: He's bandaged up pretty good.

Unknown: I'll take care of it (hangs up).

Lee3: (follows suit and puts the phone away, three seconds later the door opens) Later kid.

Angry Reader: What are you (Unknown shoots Angry Reader with a 357 Magnum)…YOU SHOT ME!

Lee3: Okay let's…

Angry Reader: YOU FUCKIN' SHOT ME IN THE CHEST! YOU (gets shot in the head and dies)…

Hanku: (rushes onstage) Sorry I'm late (sees the dead reader) OH MY GOD!

Lee3: Better start the disclaimer. I do not own Love Hina or its characters. If I did, there would be fairies in it. I don't own the character Hanku, Hanku does.

Hanku: (sings) Still redundant.

Lee3: (sarcastic) Thank you Captain Obvious. I do own the SI, Fiona, Venus, Demona, Angel and references to a certain Succubus Queen who won't be revealed until much later.

Warning: This chapter contains self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts and acts. Anyone who is sensitive to those subjects should bail out NOW, even at the risk of missing a crucial part of the storyline. Anything you want to add Hanku?

Hanku: Yeah, don't cut yourselves, accidental or otherwise.

Love Conquers All…That's Crap

After two hours of crying, Lee warped out of the Love Hina dimension and was currently running through a dark forest at midnight. After a few minutes passed he reached a lake, which he jumped over and continued running until he saw a clearing were a bunch of angels and demons were in a circle surrounding something Lee couldn't quite make out yet. As he neared the circle he slowed down to walking speed and two 19-year-old girls an Angel-girl and a Devil-girl approached him crying.

Lee: (concerned) Angel, Demona, where are they?

Demona: (hugs Lee and buries her head in his chest crying) Oh Lee, I'm sorry.

Lee: No, this can't be real…tell me what I sensed was wrong.

Angel: (tears in her eyes) Lee, they're gone.

(The remain angels and demons revealed an opened coffin exposing the bodies of the two Fairy-women he loved in their battle attire, Fiona had on a white dominatrix outfit, while Venus had on a similar outfit only it was red. Lee rushed over to them and broke down crying.)

Lee: Fiona, Venus, wake up, c'mon wake up…PLEASE WAKE UP! You two can't be dead, you just can't be, YOU BOTH PROMISED ME!

(After twenty minutes of crying, cussing and shouting in misery, he closed the casket to reveal several jewels on it. He then floated over the casket and took off his black T-shirt exposing several scars on his upper body. Then he took out a big dagger that had jewels embedded in the hilt.)

Lee: (saddened) I am sorry I failed to protect you both (plunges the dagger deep into his chest and carves a circle with an upside down Triforce symbol inside it). If I can't be with you both in life, then I will be with you in death (bleeds all over the casket causing the jewels to glow as Lee lost consciousness and fell on the casket).

(Flashback)

A young Lee was playing in a magical field with two little Fairy-girls. One of them was an 8-year-old 4 ft blonde girl wearing a long white dress that exposed part of her back and her small wings. The other was a 12-year-old 6ft. red head with blonde bangs, wearing a long pink dress exposing part of her back and her more developed wings.

(A.N.: Damn, this sounds really gay. Maybe the chicks will like it.)

Fiona (at age 8): Lee, if I were in trouble would you rescue me?

Lee (at age 9): Of course I would, what brought this on? Don't tell me you still fear humans.

Fiona: (innocently) No, I don't fear humans anymore. I just want to know that you'll protect me when I need you (blushes).

Lee: Don't worry about it. I'll protect you for as long as you need me.

Venus: (at age 12): Hey, I want to be protected too.

Lee: (looks up at Venus) But you're big, you can protect yourself.

Venus: (picks Lee up and hugs him tightly) But tall girls want to feel protected too. Promise me you'll protect us, please?

Lee: (smiles) Okay, I promise I'll protect you both. Just call me and I'll come to aid you both.

Fiona & Venus: (excited) do you mean it (Venus squeezes tighter)?

Lee: (feeling his bones getting crushed) Yes, yes I do mean it.

Fiona & Venus: Oh Lee, we love you (Venus squeezes tighter and one of Lee's bones popped)…Lee (notices Lee passed out)?

Fiona: I think you squeezed him too hard again.

Venus: Opps, I keep forgetting how fragile a human child is.

(Flashback ends and Lee wakes up after four hours have passed.)

Lee wakes up and rolls off the casket. While he was out he felt two feminine hands stroking his body, mostly his head, he also thought he heard Fiona and Venus' voices, but no one was there to confirm that. He got up, picked up his shirt and dagger and walked off.

Lee: Damn, still alive. Did I dream up those feelings and Venus and Fiona's voices? Blasphemy, they're dead and even I can't bring them back (the ghosts of the two female fairies appeared over the casket, but disappeared right before Lee turned around to confirm he wasn't seeing or hearing things). I know someone is here, but I'm too depressed right now to care (he turned back around, put on his shirt and teleported back to the dorm).

(4:00am at Hinata House)

Lee teleported back inside the dorm and laid down on the couch while wallowing in his depression.

Lee: I can't believe I failed them (lifts up his shirt to find the carving gone). That's weird; I didn't have my healing power on. The spirits can't heal me either…then what…aw who cares (falls asleep).

(10:00am)

Female Voice: Hey, hey, wake up Lee.

Lee: Hmm (opens his eyes to see Motoko on top of him)? What's going on (sees the other residents around him)?

Motoko: (concerned) Are you okay?

Lee: (uneasy) Yeah, why?

Naru: You were crying in your sleep.

Lee: I was?

Keitaro: Yeah, did something happen?

Lee: Yeah, but I won't say what (gets up and tries to leave, but is stopped by Hanku).

Hanku: Why don't you tell us, we may be able to help?

Kanako: He's right.

Lee: I don't want to talk about it.

Shinobu: But Lee…

Lee: (annoyed) I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! Just leave me alone (phases through the ceiling).

Kitsune: (opens her eyes) He's hiding something and you know what that means.

Su & Sarah: (does some Pretty Sammy pose) Find out what wrong!

(A.N.: Translation: Pry until he gets really pissed and physically or verbally attacks someone.)

Kitsune: Let's go (runs upstairs to Keitaro's room)!

Su & Sarah: Yeah (follows suit)!

Hanku: (stoic) Nothing good will come from this.

Keitaro: And yet we still do it.

Hanku: And that's not odd to you guys?

Naru & Kanako: No.

Hanku: You all are stupid.

(12:00pm)

Lee is on the roof while Motoko was practicing behind him. Kitsune, Su, and Sarah ran up to Lee so they could ask questions.

Kitsune: What's this (shows him a picture of him and Venus)?

Lee: (sternly) Give it back (reaches for it but Kitsune pulled away).

Kitsune: (smirks) Not until (Lee's tail wrapped around her neck)…

Lee: (eyes glow red) Give it back or else I'll snap your neck (Kitsune threw the picture to Sarah and Lee threw the fox-eyed girl off the roof)! Give it up McDougal.

Sarah: Up yours (flips the bird)!

Lee: Little bitch (charges at Sarah, but she threw the picture to Su while Lee kicked her, sending her into orbit).

Su: (takes off running) I got it, I got it! Catch me if you (gets clotheslined by Motoko)…

Motoko: (takes the picture from Su) If he wants it back, he should have it back.

Lee: Thanks a lot (receives the picture from Motoko while he puts some pressure on Su's stomach). It was pretty obvious that they were digging around my shit (kicks Su off the roof).

Motoko: Who is that girl anyway?

Lee: A friend.

Motoko: When was this taken?

Lee: About…two months ago.

Motoko: How tall is she?

Lee: 7ft.

Motoko: (freaks) DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!

Lee: Why does everyone make a big deal about that?

Motoko: (shocked) THAT'S NOT ODD TO YOU?

Lee: No, maybe it's because I deal with the Jabberwockies a lot.

Motoko: What are…

Lee: Ask Keitaro and Naru.

(A.N: I'm not going to tell you all about the Jabberwockies, if you want to know go read the prequel to this fic. GO NOW!)

Motoko: (notices the wings in the photo) That's a nice costume, did she make those wings?

Lee: (stoic) Those are real, she's a real fairy.

Motoko: (even more shocked) OH MY GOD, FAIRIES GET THAT BIG?

Lee: That's her human form, which is the form she preferred to be in. I think it was because she was fascinated by humans (sees a catatonic Motoko). Uh, Motoko…Motoko…she's catatonic again. Thanks for getting my picture back (phases through the roof).

(3:00pm)

Lee is eating alone and is still sad, but it was better than the mood he was after the incident with "Team Annoy the Fuck Out of Lee".

Shinobu: (worried) Lee, are you okay?

Lee: Why do you ask?

Shinobu: Well, um, you look sad.

Lee: (stoic) How do I look sad?

Shinobu: Well, you haven't pulled a prank today.

Lee: (gets pissed) Wait a second, you are saying that because I haven't done anything funny I'm sad?

Shinobu: I'm not…

Lee: What, I have to be funny all the time?

Shinobu: No, I…

Lee: I'm supposed to amuse you everyday?

Shinobu: You're not…

Lee: I can't be sad or in this case mad about something?

Shinobu: I know you…

Lee: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! NONE OF YOU ALL KNOW SHIT (takes a bowl full of salad and shoves it in Shinobu's face, then he teleported away)!

Hanku: (standing next to Naru from a distance) I told you nothing good would come of that (Naru punches Hanku while looking at Shinobu).

(4 hours later)

Lee has retreated to his subspace room while everyone else was looking for him. He thought he was alone, but then he found Hanku beside him.

Lee: (surprised) What, how did you…

Hanku: I figured you'd come here seeking salvation.

Lee: Damn, you're astute.

Hanku: Okay spill it, what is wrong? There is no one here it's just the two of us.

Lee: (sighs) Fiona was killed in battle last night.

Hanku: (semi-shocked) Holy shit, that fairy girl? Who killed her?

Lee: A Succubus Queen, I sensed…

Hanku: You sensed her death last night right?

Lee: (annoyed) Thanks for pulling a Kitsune.

Hanku: Sorry…when is the funeral?

Lee: I went and closed the casket last night after crying in here for two hours.

Hanku: Nice to know you don't have a heart of stone.

Lee: Was that sarcasm?

Hanku: No, just a compliment and relief.

Lee: Relief, what do you mean?

Hanku: It tells me that you're human (walks off).

Lee: _Sometimes I wonder if I am human._

(10:00pm)

Lee: (holds his dagger close to his right arm) _Fiona, Venus, I'm sorry I failed you both (cuts his forearm)._

To Be Continued… 

Antics: Warning

Lee3: I am taking the opportunity to warn you all that the next chapter is about suicide. If any of you feel offended or are sensitive on the subject or just a plain ole pussy to not read it, so I don't get flames later on.

Hanku: But you just warned the readers at the beginning of this update.

Lee3: So, there's always that one dumbass that doesn't listen and later wonders why they are fucked up.

Hanku: Oh yeah that always is a nuisance.

Lee3: it's not that hard to listen to a warning. That's like watching an anime porno and ignoring the three warning disclaimers they throw at you. Especially the last one that ends with "We really, really mean it!"

Hanku: (notices Lee holding a rotten apple) What's with the apple?

Lee3: Watch (Naru turns a corner and Lee throws the apple at Naru, making contact).

Naru: Aww, shit! Who threw that?

Lee3: Keitaro!

Naru: WHAT (sees Keitaro talking to Shinobu)? YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Keitaro: (sees an enraged Naru) HOLY SHIT (runs like hell)!

Hanku: She's gonna hit him isn't she?

Lee3: In five…four…three…two…one (Keitaro gets hit and goes flying).

Keitaro: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (becomes a star)!

Hanku: Take off your top!

Naru: (turns and sees Hanku and Lee) WHAT?

Lee3: (impersonates Milk-chan) YOU DUMBASS (starts running)!

Hanku: What (sees Naru charging at him)? OH SHIT (starts running)!

Naru: COME BACK HERE!

Lee3 & Hanku: Only if you take a dildo and stick it up your ass!

Lee3: That's it for this chapter. Read or review if you want to I'll see you all in May.

Hanku: Wait, no gag?

Lee3: I'm saving ammo for chapter 9 see you all next time.


	8. Suicide

Lee3: Hello crazy-asses, I figured I should try doing this update from home this time.

Hanku: (smirks) Needed a break from the knives and insults?

Lee3: Insults I can handle, but the sharp objects got annoying. Plus, this setup leaves us room for jokes.

Hanku: Anyway folks, based on what Lee3 has told me, this chapter is pretty serious for such a short chapter.

Lee3: The title speaks for itself; so if you read the title and find that the subject is a sensitive issue to you, don't read it. You may miss a chunk of the storyline, but I don't want a bunch of angry reviews from retarded-ass people who didn't listen to my warnings.

Hanku: A little hard core don't you think?

Lee3: Just trying to show how much I care.

Hanku: Let's start the disclaimer before we give too much away.

Lee3: How about you do it this time.

Hanku: Cool. Lee3 doesn't own the Love Hina characters or the series, if he did Naru would have died in some unorthodox way.

Lee3: (stoic) Death by decapitation or something more disturbing.

Hanku: You've gotten more morbid after taking that Anthropology class.

Lee3: I know too much about what some people do to each other in other countries.

Hanku: He also doesn't own Hanku, I do.

Lee3: (doing a stupid ghost voice) There is no fighting the redundancy.

Hanku: I think that's it. You have anything to add?

Lee3: Yeah, this chapter isn't for sensitive fuck-holes. By the way, does anyone want to torch stuff?

Hanku: What the hell are you talking about?

Lee3: Dude, give me a break I'm high.

Suicide

6:00am in Tokyo and already something tragic had occurred. Citizens gathered around the cracked concrete to see a tall black man face down on the ground looking like he's dead. Apparently he jumped off the Tokyo Tower and hit the ground face first, scaring everybody. While everyone starred at the guy they later found movement in his hands and then his whole body. In fact, he got up and started walking away from the crowd as if nothing happened.

Freaking Out Guy: Oh my god, he's a demon!

Paranoid Lady: He's not human, he's a…a… ZOMBIE!

Dead Trivia Guy: Like that Big Black Zombie guy with the gun in George A. Romero's "Land of the Dead"?

Paranoid Lady: Yes.

Everyone Else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Everyone ran in a panic while at the same time caused a lot of property damage.)

Lee: _Why won't you spirits let me die? Death is something I desire and deserve for the failure to protect the women I loved _(he teleported back to the dorm in Kanagawa)

(In the Hinata Dorm)

Everyone was chilling in the living room watching the news broadcast about, "The Crisis in Tokyo".

Hanku: (wide-eyed) Holy shit guys, look at this!

TV Anchor: (sounding like Tom Brokaw…and sucking at it) In the news today, a man jumped off the Tokyo Tower, hit the concrete and got up like nothing happened. We now go to Sakura Kunoichi who is reporting now in Tokyo.

Keitaro: Tama, turn it up.

Tama: Myuh (turns up the volume).

Sakura: (freaking out) I'm here at ground zero where the zombie is said to be lurking around.

TV Anchor: Sakura, are you saying that the suicidal guy is a zombie?

Sakura: Yes, he's like that zombie from "Land of the…(a tail rammed into her back and through her heart, then it fired a laser at the camera destroying it. The screen turns to fuzz for a few seconds and then it cuts back to the anchorman)

TV Anchor: We'll get back to the story courtesy of…somebody else. Oh god this is worse than that fuckin' Dark Dragon incident two years ago (realizes that he's still on). Am I still on? Oh shit.

Lee: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I remember that shit (everyone turns around to see Lee laughing his ass off)!

Naru: (makes the "What the Fuck" face) A woman just got stabbed!

Kitsune: (blasé) Naru, two years ago a female reporter got stepped on.

Lee: I still feel bad about that.

Kanako: (surprised) The dragon that crushed Suzuka was you?

Keitaro: He couldn't help it back then.

Su: (gleefully) Not to mention that he had no memory of his transformation and the carnage until he watched himself on the news the next day.

Motoko: He still shouldn't have burned 300 people to death when he found out Godzilla didn't exist in this world.

Kanako: I thought he destroyed half Tokyo.

Lee: Maybe those people shouldn't have shouted (impersonates some Japanese guy in the Godzilla movies), GOZIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Maybe that's where they screwed up! You guys know I'm a Godzilla freak!

Sarah: _First off, only one guy said it and you inadvertently killed him when you turned around._

Hanku: (laughing) Oh shit that was funny! Let me, let me (repeats the process) MOTHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naru: (not wanting to be left out) GAMERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (receives blank stares from Lee and Hanku)! What?

Lee: I have never seen any Gamera movies.

Hanku: Neither have I.

Naru: (frustrated) You guys suck.

Shinobu: Um, I think we are getting off the subject here.

Sarah: (smiling) the subject is Lee killing people!

Motoko: No, the subject is Lee trying to commit suicide.

Lee: (smirked) What makes you all think that that guy in the news report is me?

Motoko: (points at the guy) We know what you look like, that Black guy who killed that reporter was you!

Lee: There is another me in this world one who is dark and sinister, so how would you know that guy was me and not him.

Motoko: (getting annoyed) You're full of shit!

Lee: (starts getting serious) Am I? You all don't really know me that well.

Keitaro: He's got us there.

Lee: Besides, people who commit suicide are a bunch of weak-minded fools who can't handle life, the death of someone they cared about or because they're failures in life.

Hanku: (concerned) That's pretty harsh, man.

Lee: So? The truth hurts people. This is how the world works. You can't always get a happy fuckin' ending.

Shinobu: (meekly) But you should always look at the bright side of things.

Lee: (stoic but still scary) Shinobu, when you get older you're going to learn that the world is a sad and lonely place, nobody gets anything for free, you can't always get what you want, things don't go the way you planned for them and eventually you and everyone else around you that you care about are gonna die.

Shinobu: (tears start forming) But, but…

Lee: (annoyed) What are you gonna cry over the stuff I said? WELL GO AHEAD AND CRY OVER WORDS, YOU PANSY! You are going to get eaten alive in high school.

Shinobu: I-I…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH (runs away crying)!

Hanku: (pissed) Lee, not cool!

Naru & Motoko: You made Shinobu cry!

Lee: Just because I said what I felt?

Keitaro: (also pissed) Doesn't matter, we don't like that kind of thing.

Lee: Yeah, and what are you all gonna do, fight me? You all know the results will be the same (points to Keitaro) you'll go flyin' (points to Naru) you'll go flyin' (points to Su & Sarah) you two will either run or go flyin' (points to Kanako) you might laugh or just stand there (points to Hanku) you'll get knocked the fuck out after putting up a decent fight (points to Kitsune) you'll either: go flyin', run or pass out (points to Motoko) you'll get knocked the fuck out and I'll break your sword, oh wait it's actually Keitaro's sword (Lee walked towards Keitaro & Naru who quickly stepped out of his way as he walked passed them, he kept going but stopped and turned his head at Motoko who was getting ready to draw her sword). Are you gonna draw your sword over bullshit?

Motoko: (a little surprised) What do you mean?

Lee: Who tries to kill someone because that person insulted someone without using a racial slur? That's like me shooting Hanku in the head for calling me an Ogre.

Motoko: (frustrated) What are you saying?

Lee: (eyes glow red) I'm saying that you are the worst swordsman I have ever seen. You're a danger to yourself and others, you always threaten people by holding your blade to their throats or crotch, which is illegal by the way and let's not forget the retarded-ass justifications for attacking people who do things that are…oh what's the word…NORMAL! You should use your head before you EVER grab that hilt.

Motoko: And you don't…

Lee: No I don't because unlike you I have that so-called honor you all keep talking about like it's some kind of religion, but what you, most of you here have delusions (eyes revert back to normal) not honor, you all think you are righteous, but in reality you're all pathetic, stupid and hopeless (does a 180, takes a few steps and teleports away).

Keitaro: (still shocked by the comments) Did he just rip on us philosophically?

Hanku: I think it was more sociological.

Motoko: At any case I think he is eliminated from the small list of suicidal suspects. _The worst swordsman he's ever seen? No, he's just trying to psychologically damage me. Still, I am really…no I refuse to believe that._

Keitaro: I hear you. I don't think a suicidal person would be that brutally honest.

Hanku: (a little annoyed) How would you know?

Keitaro: Because I've tried to kill myself a few times before.

Naru: You were usually depressed then.

Motoko: I tried to commit seppuku whenever I was depressed and angry with myself.

Kitsune: Good thing Keitaro was always there to stop you (Motoko blushes in embarrassment).

(Long silence)

Sarah: Do you all really think Lee would do something like that?

(Everyone was quiet for a minute.)

Everyone: Nah!

For the next three hours the day was pretty much normal. Keitaro got beat, shot, manipulated and seduced. Hanku on the other hand, was trying to find Lee throughout the entire time knowing that something wasn't right. After looking throughout the dorm he headed for the last possible place, the roof. When he got there he was shocked at what he found. Lee was sitting on the rooftop cutting and stabbing his arms with a fancy yet gothic looking dagger with jewels on the hilt.

Hanku: GOOD GOD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Lee: (depressed) Leave me alone.

Hanku: (rushes over, grabs the dagger and throws it away) What's this all about huh? Why are you over here crying and spilling your own blood everywhere? Is this about your powers or is this about HER?

Lee: You wouldn't understand how I felt when she died.

Hanku: She may have been a good woman to you and based on what you've told me about her, she wouldn't be that bad to me. I know that you cared for her…a lot, but you can't gripe forever.

Lee: (annoyed) Hey, SHUT IT! You don't know understand, so don't try sounding like my tutor because you're not, so take your shit for wisdom elsewhere.

Hanku: And let you kabob yourself? Dude, Prozac™ isn't for you!

Lee: Fuck you! With all that's been going on I…I don't know what to do.

Hanku: (getting angry) I'll tell you what you can do…(punches Lee across the face and begins talking his loudest) YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN (punches him again) WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU (makes sarcastic whimpering noise at Lee)? I don't know what to do (whimpers), I don't know what to do (whimpers), I don't know what to do! When I met you, you were a warrior! A fighter with no boundaries or excuses! You didn't take shit from NOBODY! Now you're sitting here feeling sorry for yourself, PATHETIC! Your self-pity makes me sick (calms down and sighs) but once again, I can't be you, I can't do things FOR you. You wanna look lesser than a hobo on anti-depressants that's fine, just think about this…I'd bet Fiona, God rest her soul is watching you…right now. What would she think?

Lee: (angry) You have no right to speak her name (Lee's eyes glowed blue and the dagger that Hanku threw away appeared right behind him and it flew into his back, but it wasn't very deep)!

Hanku: AAAAaaahhh!

Lee: (gets up and pulls out the dagger and elbows his friend's back) Yes I have told you some things about her, but I never told you everything (kicks him in the stomach)! By the way…WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY POWERS (grabs the back of Hanku's head and started slamming it into the roof)? Don't mess with what you don't fully understand, Royiaki (slams his head seven more times and then stomps on his back before proceeding to walk off).

Hanku: Ow.

Lee: (stoic) I'm going to kill myself now, stay out of my way or I'll destroy you (phases through the roof).

Hanku: (struggles to get up but manages to do so) I can't let you do something like that to yourself, Lee (starts running downstairs).

After phasing through the roof, Lee walked down to the second floor and phased through the ground right before Hanku got there. He phased through the first floor ceiling and quickly landed on the floor outside of the front room where everyone else was watching television. He quickly and quietly headed for the front door when Hanku caught up with him from behind.

Hanku: I won't let you do it!

Upon hearing that statement, everyone turned around to see what was going on.

Keitaro: (quizzical) What's going on?

Lee: (sternly) None of your business.

Hanku: Lee is going to kill himself!

All the Residents: (shocked) WHAT?

Lee: (frustrated) Dammit.

Motoko: Why? Are you trying to imitate that guy who has been trying to commit suicide for the last four days?

Hanku: (explodes) YOU IDIOT, LEE IS THAT GUY!

Sarah: (so shocked her beanie hat flew straight up) OH MY GOD!

Motoko: (grabs the hilt of the Hina Blade) I knew it all along!

Kanako: _Bullshit._

Kitsune: Why have you been doing this?

Lee: That's none of your concern.

Hanku: He's doing this because he…

Lee: (pissed) That enough Royiaki!

Hanku: Just because you lost Fiona it doesn't mean… (Gets rear kicked in the crotch) OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH, shit (holds his crotch and falls to the floor).

Lee: I told you not to speak the name of the woman I loved.

Shinobu: (gasped) You were once in love?

Lee: (depressed) That was a long time ago.

Naru: (sarcastic) You're actually capable of love? Did you kill her or something?

Kanako: (annoyed) You're such an asshole, Narusegawa!

Naru: I'm just…

Lee: No, she's right, you are an asshole.

Hanku: (struggling to get up) Still, destroying yourself isn't worth it.

Lee: Hanku, I'm gonna tell you something I didn't tell you four days ago.

Hanku: And that is?

Lee: The night Fiona died, I didn't just lose her. I lost another woman I loved one minute before she died.

Hanku: (gasped) What?

Motoko: (gasped as well) _Could that have been the girl in that photo?_

Hanku: Why didn't you…

Lee: You didn't need to know. Look 12 years ago I made a vow that I failed to uphold. I want to die so I can be with them.

Motoko: I've heard enough (draws her sword)! I won't let you do it. You'll have beat me in battle first (charges at Lee)!

Lee: Go away (fires an energy blast that hit Motoko, knocking her into a wall and knocking her out).

Naru: (sees Motoko fall) MOTOKO (looks at Lee with anger that would scare anybody), YOU SON OF A BITCH (charges at Lee, but he kicked her in the face, followed by a punch to the gut rendering her in capacitated)!

Kanako & Keitaro: Can't let this happen (tries the same thing and Lee shot them both in the chest with his Laser Eyes, the stepbrother & sister duo fell to their knees in pain).

(Lee advances towards the door and opens it but just as he was about to leave, Hanku tackles him from behind.)

Hanku: There is no way I'll just let you throw your life away!

Lee: Fuck you (electrocutes Hanku for six seconds and then a spike sprouted from his back, goes through Hanku's right shoulder and retracted back into the suicidal guy's back)!

Hanku: Damn (holds his shoulder in pain, Lee got up and kicks Hanku in the face causing him to fall on his and bleed from his shoulder, nose an mouth)!

Su: Sarah!

Sarah: (holding a Missile Launcher) On it (fires the missile, but Lee breathed a fireball that just missed the missile but caused it to turn around. The fireball dissipated before it reached Sarah and Su, but the missile nailed them both, sending them flying twenty feet and knocked them unconscious leaving them barely alive)!

Lee: I'll say this one last time, LEAVE ME TO DIE IN PEACE (teleports away)!

Four minutes later, after Hanku healed everyone, but Shinobu who was dazed but unscathed, everyone was thinking of what to do next.

Shinobu: (concerned) We need to find him.

Kitsune: Where do we look? We don't have the slightest clue of where he went.

Naru: Su, didn't you pin a tracer on him or something?

Su: (pouts) He destroyed all of my tracers (Hanku looks at the TV).

Keitaro: We don't have a lot of time to think, we just need to…

Hanku: I think I know where he is (starts walking towards the door), but I hope he is easily distracted right now.

Kanako: You think he'll relocate somewhere if there is something he enjoys doing?

Hanku: I'm hoping that's the case. If not, then we're gonna lose a good friend (flies off).

Sarah: (looking dubious) Does he even know what he's doing?

Naru, Kanako, Motoko & Keitaro: We're not answering that.

(At the Tokyo Tower)

Lee is standing on top of the tower with his eyes closed, powered down and ready to jump to his death. Two of his spirits, a fox and a dragon spirit appeared behind him to ask about his decision. The Fox spirit is named Yuki and the dragon is called…Ancient Dragon or A.D.

Yuki: Are you really going to do this?

Lee: Yes, I need to die for my failure to protect them. You guys remember that vow right?

Yuki: Yeah, the whole vow on your life to protect them bit, but I might be paraphrasing here.

Lee: Paraphrasing or not I meant it.

Yuki: _This is not what those two fairies would want._

A.D.: (concerned) Look, I know we've never got along ever since you beat me in battle, but all of the other spirits and myself agree that wouldn't stop you this time and that when you die we won't possess anyone else.

Yuki: In other words, we're willing to die with you.

Lee: (opens his eyes and turns to face the two spirits) That means a lot especially coming from you A.D. (smiles) I'm ready to die now (turns back around and looks down at the street below and then he looks straight ahead at an electric sign that for some reason got him excited). What's this, a Super Smash Bros. Meleé Tournament at Akihabara today at 3:00pm? Dude, I gotta enter, but I don't know where Akihabara is located (the sign shows a finger pointing to the direction that he needs to go). Oh shit, thank you sign, I gotta go enter that tourney and kick some ass!

A.D.: (confused) What about the whole suicide thing?

Lee: (too excited to care) Fuck that shit, I gotta show these Japanese people how Americans play the game (powers up)! With my Bowser/Link combo I'll show them what gaming is all about!

A.D.: (looks at Yuki, still confused) Has he always been this easily amused?

Yuki: (smiles) He's been like that ever since he was a little boy (goes back into Lee's body).

A.D.: (smirks) I'll never understand you kid (follows suit).

Lee: (excited to the point of doing crazy shit) This will be awesome…(sees a star in the distance heading to where Akihabara is located, in a few seconds he sensed it was Hanku) WHAT? I won't let you get there before me (flies after Hanku and caught up with him in a minute)!

Hanku: (looks somewhat surprised) Hey, I thought you would go to the tournament. _Phew, for a second there I thought you had already whacked yourself._

Lee: You know what we have to do while we're here?

Hanku: Outplay the locals, yes.

Lee: Exactly, because we're Team America!

Hanku: (gets all patriotic) U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!

Lee: My point exactly…FOR AMERICA!

Hanku: FUCK YEAH!

To Be Continued…

Antics: Fuck It

It is 6:00am the next day and Lee is once again standing on top of you guessed it the Tokyo Tower. Once again he is looking down at the street below with Yuki and Ancient Dragon standing behind him.

Lee: (looks straight ahead and sighs) Fuck it, let's go watch TV.

Ancient Dragon: (whispers to Yuki) Um, why did he always plan his suicide attempts on a Saturday again?

Yuki: (replies in whisper) He's more interested in food and cartoons than anything else at this time (returns to Lee's body and Ancient Dragon follow suit).

(Lee jumped off the tower, landed feet first and straight up unaffected.)

Lee: I gotta get something to eat first (sees a McDonald's™). Hmm, (sings) did somebody saaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy, McDonald's™ (runs to the fast food restaurant).

Lee3: That's it for this chapter. Most of you guys know that I poke fun at a lot of things including myself. Well this chapter I wrote to poke fun at myself. I have contemplated suicide about 20 times within the last five years but fortunately it never went beyond thinking about it. I'm not poking fun at other people who have done it nor am I making fun of people who know someone that has or has tried to commit suicide. That ending I came up with was so I could put a smile on someone's face.

Hanku: I advised against the ending (Lee hits him with a sledgehammer).

Lee3: Stop spoiling my moment and finish that fic of yours, everyone is waiting for your return (Hanku walks off while holding his head). Another thing, I want to give props to Hanku for coming with that part where Hanku is yelling at Lee and punching him in the face. He came up with the first half of that scene and whole scene is my favorite part in this chapter. In other words, if you liked that part, thank him for it. Anyway, review if you want, I know I might get flamed, but I don't care. The next chapter…well I'll just surprise you all. See ya next time.


	9. His Name is Nick

Lee3: (appears out of nowhere) Hey guys, Hanku is…(Hanku climbs out of the trapdoor all bloodied and bruised)

Hanku: (pissed) YOU BASTARD, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME DOWN THERE?

Lee3: How long were you down there?

Hanku: Five minutes!

Lee3: Well, consider that payback for the sledgehammer.

Hanku: (points to an object Lee is holding) And the steel bat in your hand?

Lee3: This (hits Hanku repeatedly with the bat). That's for not updating for the longest time, you retard.

Hanku: (groans) Ow.

Lee3: Anyway, I got a surprise (some White dude just walks in)…Nick you were supposed to show up a minute later and where is the mask?

(Dr. Salvador from Resident Evil 4 walks in revving up his chainsaw)

Nick: (semi-pissed) That guy stole it (Dr. Salvador starts his chainsaw and advances towards the men).

Hanku: Should I kill him (busts out the SG5 Commando)?

Lee3: (already aiming with the Chicago Typewriter) On it (fires two shots and the chainsaw man dies).

Hanku: Either he's weak or that's a strong gun.

Lee3 & Nick: Strong gun.

Lee3: Seeing that the surprise is wrecked I'll just introduce Nick over here.

Nick: Hi.

Hanku: Nick e-mailed Lee and asked if he could use an extra character.

Lee: I thought about it long and hard (Hanku holds up a sign that says "Five Minutes" on it) and I said, "yes".

Nick: You asked for info first.

Lee3: Yes, I did. Oh shit, we need to get started. I don't own Love Hina or it's characters, Ken Akamathead does. If I did own the characters Naru would be in the same situation as Rachel at the end of the second episode of "Love Doll". The difference is that Naru would get mauled by the dogs and not fucked by them.

Nick: (gasps) The dogs actually fuck Rachel?

Lee3: Well, it's implied because the episode ends before the act starts.

Nick: (relieved) Thank god.

Lee3: I don't own Hanku, Hanku does and I don't own Nick, that is Nick's shit.

Hanku: (laughs) Double the redundancy (Lee pulls the rope and Hanku falls down the same trap door while laughing)!

Nick: What was that for?

Lee3: For stating something we've known for eight chapters now.

Nick: (nods in agreement) I concur.

Lee3: I do own Darkness and any character I forgot to mention that may make an appearance in this chapter.

Nick: (getting excited) Are you done yet?

Lee3: Yep, RUN IT!

His Name is Nick

(8:00am Wednesday September 30th whatever year the "Love Hina", manga ended.)

In the House of Hinata, Hanku is panicking because Lee had gone missing again. Actually, after the Smash Bros. Tournament Hanku went back to the dorm, so thinking another suicide attempt might be in the works he decided to gather the troops.

Hanku: (on Megaphone) ALL HINATA RESIDENTS REPORT TO THE LIVING ROOM IMMEDIATELY! THAT MEANS "NOW" FOR ANYONE DUMB ENOUGH TO ASK, "IS THAT A FOOD"…SU!

The noise of somewhat redundancy echoed throughout the dorm and in five minutes everyone showed up, but they were all still half asleep.

Keitaro: (the most awake) What's going on?

Su: (eyes still closed) I'm still sleepy.

Sarah: I wanna…(falls asleep standing up)

Motoko: (cranky) This better be an emergency Royiaki or else I will…

Hanku: Lee hasn't returned from the tournament and I think he might be trying to commit suicide again!

Everyone: (freaks) WHAT?

Kanako: Not again.

Kitsune: We've got to prevent this, somehow (a light-bulb shines over her head)! An intervention might help.

Kanako: (sarcastic) Ah yes an intervention, the one thing we need to do for you (the light-bulb over Kitsune's head breaks).

Hanku: Plus, we don't know where he is.

Lee: (from the roof) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Keitaro & Shinobu: We know now!

The residents rushed to the roof and when they got there they found Lee face down on the balcony part of the roof with his dagger in the left hand. He was half naked and bleeding from his bare chest. His body was in a pool of blood, which caused a lot of emotions among his friends.

Kitsune: (stunned) Oh my god.

Shinobu: (catatonic) He-he really did it.

Naru: (about to cry) Why, why would you throw your life away, Lee? _Why am I crying? I should be glad that he's dead._

Motoko: I don't believe this (about to run over to Lee's body, but Hanku stops her).

Hanku: Motoko, he no longer has a life force…he's gone.

Motoko: (sobs) Why did he do this (buries her face in his chest)?

Hanku: (gradually losing composure) I guess he just couldn't handle the pain of loss.

Keitaro: Shinobu, Sarah, Su are you all okay?

Shinobu & Sarah: (crying) No!

Su: (absent minded) Does anyone want a banana?

Everyone except the hungry Su was grieving over the loss of their dead friend…or so they thought because the deceased was starting to get up.

Lee: (standing up) Uuuuunnnhhhh, those spirits love to screw with my body. _Again, their return caused me to lose consciousness and put me through near death for a few minutes _(sees nearly everyone crying and comforting each other) Hey, what's going on?

Everyone else: A tragedy occurred!

Lee: (quizzical yet sarcastic) Did someone die and if so I wanna know whom.

Motoko & Naru: Lee is the one that died (starts crying even louder)!

Lee: (looks at all of them weird) I am not dead.

Su: (still breezy) Yeah, look (points at Lee and everyone immediately stops crying and mourning and stares athimas hejust stands there, smiling and waving)!

Everyone: (all pissed…except Su) YOU BASTARD (all charged at him but Lee's eyes glowed green and everyone stopped moving and they had a green aura surrounding them)!

Lee: Yo, chill homies (mentally sends everyone back twenty feet and his eyes reverted back to normal).

Sarah, Shinobu & Kanako: (tripping) YOU WERE DEAD!

Lee: (mellow) No, I wasn't dead, I was…

Hanku: (frustrated) YOU HAD NO LIFE FORCE!

Lee: That was a ruse.

Hanku: What?

Lee: I was in a coma not dead and in that state my power level drops so low that very few people can sense it. It's a way to make my foes think I'm dead so they'll leave while I recover. So tell me, how could you possiblyknow what you sensed?

Hanku: If you were…

Lee: Did you really think I would try to whack myself again? Being alive is too much fun because I can screw with you guy's minds.

Hanku: Always the trickster huh?

Lee: (starting to sound more serious) Death isn't so bad.

Keitaro & Kitsune: How would you know?

Lee: (smirked) I've died about fifteen times already and each time I came back to life (everyone fainted). Idiots, all of them.

(5 minutes later)

Shinobu: How did you die all those times?

Lee: I was either killed in battle or committing a selfless act like: saving people, sacrificing my life for others and things of that nature. You guys want to see my Battle Scars?

Hanku: (acting arrogant) I've seen you naked before just like most of the people standing here, you don't have that many scars.

Lee: (strips off his clothes) You've only seen the scars I wanted you to see, but to see my body as it truly is I have to strip naked (does so). By the way scars aren't the only things that makes this body ugly.

Shinobu: (sees his penis, blushes and tries to cover her eyes) Oh my god!

Lee: (stern) Don't cover your eyes Shinobu (looks at Sarah and Su who were about to laugh), don't you dare laugh this is serious (they immediately kept their mouths shut)!

Keitaro: (trying to act calm) Are there some hidden scars?

Lee: (stoic) Yes, here they are (closes his eyes and all of the scars, stab wounds and bullet wounds appeared then Lee opens his eyes). There's more (his whole right arm and hand became metallic, his left bicep too and a scar appeared on his forehead).

(All the girls gasped, Keitaro looked catatonic and Hanku couldn't believe what he was seeing.)

Hanku: How did you get all those scars?

Lee: Fourteen years of fighting, from 2 minutes after I got my powers up until now.

Su: Are some of those wounds from laser fire?

Lee: Yes.

Motoko: (getting scared) What are you?

Lee: (annoyed) What do you mean "What am I"?

Motoko: A-are you human or a…machine?

Lee: Actually, I don't know what I am anymore.

Su: (cheerful as always) I want to study a Cyborg like you.

Lee: (annoyed) I am not a Cyborg. By the way do you all want to see my back?

Kanako: (semi shocked) Why not, we've already seen everything else.

(Lee turns around to reveal more scars on the upper half of his back while the lower half is metallic.)

Everyone: (shocked again) OH MY GOD!

Lee: (stoic) I'm infected with a cybernetic virus that will one day take over my Central Nervous System and control me. There is no cure for it, but I can fight it for as long as I can.

Sarah: (sarcastic) That's good to know.

Lee: There is one last thing I need to show you (the scar on his forehead glowed red and it opened to reveal a third eye with a red iris and gold pupil that changes color whenever it's opened).

Hanku: (really bugging out) You have that?

Motoko: (scared shitless) You aren't human at all!

Su: Where did you get the eye?

Naru & Keitaro: Are you an alien?

Kitsune: Did you get completely wasted at a party?

Mutsumi: (appeared out of nowhere) Are you psychic (everyone except Lee face-faults and falls over)?

Lee: Let me answer in chronological order: The Yu Yu Hakusho dimension and NOT by that sword, hell no, no you stupid binge drinking cunt because that's your job, I have psychic abilities, but am not a psychic at least I don't consider myself one (everyone looks at Mutsumi, surprised that she was mostly if not correct and fell over again). By the way (looks at Mutsumi), how long have you been here?

Mutsumi: (smiling innocently) Long enough to have had hard nipples after seeing your ass and privates (giggles).

Lee: (stoic) That was blunt and to the point (starts putting his clothes back on).

Su: (about to pout) Aww, you don't want us to see you naked anymore?

Lee: (annoyed) I just wanted you all to see my true body. I was pouring out my soul to everyone because we're friends. This WASN'T a peepshow (adjusts the belt to his pants and puts on his white shirt with Bob Marley on the front)! Is that helmet ready?

Su: Yeah, come on (jumps off the roof and Lee follows suit while everyone else got up and tries to take in Lee's exposure)!

Hanku: (deep in thought) All those scars.

Keitaro: He must have done a lot of fighting.

Naru: Those scars could all be fake.

Kanako: He's not lying, there is no way a lying man would expose himself like that.

Kitsune: (blushing) We all saw is penis.

Kanako: (annoyed by the idiocy) Not that, I meant the other kind of exposure!

Sarah: His Nut-sack?

Kanako:The exposure of his soul, you retards!

Sarah: (smiles) Still, it was a nice cock though.

Hanku: (irritated) Can you get off the cock for a second? Lee just showed us a different side of himself and you and slacker over there go and downplay it! What Lee told us about his infection could have been a warning! _How fucked up are these people?_

Motoko: Still, Mutsumi was right?

Mutsumi: (blasé) Do I get a prize?

Hanku: (puts his hands over his head in frustration) _Goddammit!_

(Meanwhile in Tokyo)

Unknown: (laying on the ground, just waking up from the blast) Ow, this has been a weird morning. Still, for someone to revert what I did to the weather that takes a lot of power (looks at the fourth wall). Hey all, my name is Nick. I'm 19 years old about 6'2", have long Raven hair and have blue eyes. Who says only blondes look good with blue eyes? Look at my build…(flexes but shows a moderate amount of muscles) okay it's a medium build and I'm not a muscleman, so what? For an attractive guy like me, girls tend to come to me all giddy and blushing, but I'm shy when it comes to that…WHAT? I can be hyper at times, which gives people a laugh. All in all I'm just a white guy from Hayward, California that is currently lost in this dimension. Looking for the man involved in the Big Rig Chases since he may be my ticket home…I think (hears multiple explosions half a mile West of where he's standing). What the hell (rushes to that location while avoiding a massive stampede of panicking people)?

Nick arrives at the scene of all the destruction and found a 7'1" bald headed black man, wearing size 15 ½ steel toed boots, blue jeans shorts with a black belt with studs on it and a black T-shirt that has flames and the number "666" on it. He had a tail like Lee…in fact; he looks like he could be Lee's twin.

Nick: Is it (takes a closer look at the man)? It is, hey, you there (the man drops some guys he was choking and turns to look at Nick)! You're the one, the guy I'm looking for (the man ki-teleports in front of Nick).

Look-alike: (stoic) Are you talking about me, who are you?

Nick: (excited) I'm Nick, I am a fan of yours.

Look-alike: Really?

Nick: Yeah, ever I saw your battles back home!

Look-alike: What's the recent battle you've seen.

Nick: The recent Big Rig Chase.

Look-alike: You watched the news reports or something.

Nick: Yeah, it was on those reports that I heard about the same incident involving you two years ago! I saw an image of you in the recent reports and I knew that you are also not from this world.

Look-alike: So you were tracking me down to get back home, right?

Nick: Exactly! _This guy is perceptive._

Look-alike: (getting serious) I'm not the person you're looking for.

Nick: (face-faults) What do you mean you're not the one I'm looking for?

Look-alike: The man you are looking for is Lee. I am his dark half, my name is Darkness and I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cancel your date with Lee. You see, he is my enemy and friends, associates, accomplices and even fans of my enemies must die.

Nick: (eyes widened) This can't be real.

Darkness: (smiles evilly) Oh this is real and I am really going to enjoy destroying you (punches Nick in the face, sending him skidding thirty feet).

Nick: (quickly recovers) This isn't good (gets in a fighting stance).

Darkness: (starts laughing like an insane maniac) Nick, TIME TO DIE (charges at Nick)!

Nick: WHOA (jumps over Darkness, who did a rear kick while stretching his left leg out further to make it connect with Nick's back. Nick recovered, turned and released lightening from his hands, but Darkness absorbed the lightening while slowly approaching Nick)! What gives?

Darkness: I can absorb Elemental attacks just like my light half. If using elemental moves are the only thing you've got, then you better submit and let me kill you.

Nick: If Elemental moves won't work, then let's see you fight bare fisted (gets into a fighting stance)!

Darkness: (smirked) Bring it, bitch!

Nick tires a four-punch combo, but Darkness avoided each one, then he tried a Round-house Kick that Darkness ducked, but Nick followed with a leg sweep and tripped Darkness, who countered with a Back-hand Spring with a kick to Nick's face and with Darkness' feet shrouded in a black flame during execution the move set Nick on fire as he fell and the fire disappeared when he hit the ground.

Darkness: (smiles evilly) You have some good moves, but they are nowhere as good as mine (ki-teleported behind Nick and kicked him in the back sending him flying, then he ki-teleported in front of him and uppercut him straight up into the air. Darkness flew past Nick to deliver a devastating punch, but Nick caught on a fired an energy wave from his mouth, Darkness dodged the beam, Darkness dodged the beam, blocked a punch to the face, blocked a Round-house Kick to his right side and got kicked in the nuts. Then Nick gave the insane bastard several punches in the face and an elbow drop to his back sending him plummeting down to Earth).

Nick: GOT YOU (engulfs his body into a fireball and rockets towards Darkness, who quickly recovered)!

Darkness: DARK COMET FLASH (his body is shrouded in a black flame as he lands on the ground and flies at Nick)!

Nick: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Darkness: (eyes glow white) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Both powers collide, but Nick's attack was negated by Darkness' attack and now he is being rammed towards space.

Darkness: (laughs like a madman) Let's see if you survive a little space travel (as they ripped through the Stratosphere and approached the Mesosphere, Nick rolled off of Darkness and plummeted back down to Earth as the evil version of Lee kept going. Nick recovered, landed on his feet and looked up at the sky to see no sign of Darkness.

Nick: I guess he kept going into space…if he suffocates that's his problem (turns to leave, but sees Darkness standing there with his arm folded).

Darkness: I can breathe in space (kicks Nick in the crotch followed by a kick to the face sending flying a few feet away and Darkness finished with an energy blast that connected) Hmm…what (Nick flies out of the dust and tries to punch Darkness, but he teleported at the last second)?

Nick: (frustrated) Where did he go?

Darkness: (teleports behind Nick) Right here (does a quick Round-house Kick which Nick ducked, Darkness followed with a second kick, but Nick avoided that one too, but Darkness got him with his tail to Nick's stomach, which sent the 19 year old flying into a nearby building where he lay unconscious. Darkness ki-teleported a few feet away from Nick and reaches over his right shoulder and pulls out his Zambatoh-like sword that has a living eye on one side of the blade)

Though you did put up a good fight it's time for you to DIE (he raises his sword over his head about to strike the final blow)! DIE BASTARD!

To Be Continued…

Lee3: For those of you wondered why Nick was on the ground early in this chapter and what he meant by "reverting the weather" this Antics short will clear that up and it takes place a couple of hours before this chapter starts. I meant to put this in after last chapter, but I forgot.

Antics: Weather Frustration

Nick was walking around Tokyo disgusted with the sunrise.

Nick: New day, same boring sunrise…I'll make this morning interesting (does some movements with his hands and dark clouds appeared and immediately started raining). That's more like it.

(Meanwhile on the roof of Hinata House)

Lee just expelled all of the spirits from his body.

Lee: You guys go have some fun, but be back a little after eight, okay?

All the spirits: We got it (they all fly off in different directions)!

Lee: Looks like another…(rain clouds start showing up out of nowhere and it immediately started raining) what the hell, this isn't natural (moves his hands and little bit and cloud went away)! I didn't think there was another person here who could alter weather patterns.

(Back in Tokyo)

Nick: What the hell (brings the clouds back)? Now stay that way!

(Back at Hinata House)

Lee: What, damn! I'm going to end this (his multicolored visor appear over his eyes and the scanner beeped indicating what the problem was and where the problem was located). Why does all the crazy shit happen in Tokyo (a missile launcher appeared and Lee takes out a remote control)? One more time (makes the cloud go away and hits the button launching a really fast missile), eat this asshole!

(Back in Tokyo)

Nick: UUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! WHO KEEPS DOING THIS? That's it I'm gonna find whoever is undoing my art and I'm gonna…(hears a whistling sound that is getting louder really fast) What the hell is that (looks up)? Oh shit (the missile hits him directly and the explosion sent flying through five buildings before landing on the sidewalk unconscious).

(Back at Hinata House)

Lee: (still looking through his visors before they disappeared) That takes care of that crap, but too bad I destroyed half a block. Oh well, if you want an omelet you have to break a few eggs.

Lee3: Sorry I made this chapter a two-parter folks, when I got back from Pismo Beach I wasn't entirely focused.

Nick: My character isn't going to die is he?

Lee3: Well it's obvious that he's not gonna die, everyone can see that.

Hanku: Naru's hell is going to increase isn't it?

Lee3: Man, everyone's hell is going to increase. Anyway, you all know what to do. I got to work on something right now, but I'll try to get Part 2 of this chapter done before the end of August.

Hanku: (smirks) Yeah right.

Lee3: At least I'll get it done before you update.

Hanku: You really think so?

Lee3: I know so.

Nick: (looking puzzled) Um, we'll see you all next time, if these two don't kill each other first (gets tackled by Lee3 and Hanku), AAAAAAHHHHHHH!


	10. Two Halves of a Whole Lee

Lee3: Hey everyone, you all thought I was dead, huh?

Angry Reader: BEST TWO MONTHS WE EVER HAD (everyone beats his ass)!

Lee3: Thanks.

Hanku: (walks in) Where the hell have you been?

Lee3: You finish that chapter yet?

Hanku: Not yet I've been busy.

Nick: (comes in through the trap door breathing heavily) Holy shit, you know that there is a Croc in there?

Lee3 & Hanku: Yes.

Nick: Oh…hey where have you been?

Lee3: I've been on deviantArt working on a fanfic involving my characters and someone else's and it's not an anime fic.

Hanku: Oh, but you're back right?

Lee3: Well I still need to work on that fic, but for right now I'm back.

Nick: What took you so long anyway?

Lee3: One of the chapters was 51 pages long.

Nick: Printing paper?

Lee3: Yes.

Hanku & Nick: Daaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmnnnnn.

Lee3: I know, anyway let's start the disclaimer.

Nick: (cheery) YEAH!!!

Hanku: _Rookies._

Lee3: I don't own the Love Hina characters or the series, if I did Kanako and Motoko would have had hot, steamy and passionate sex. I don't own Hanku, Hanku does.

Hanku: (cheers) The redundancy is back (Lee3 hits him with an iron)! OW!

Lee3: So are the hits. I don't own Nick, Nick does and it seems that he is too busy laughing from that hit I gave Hanku. I do own Darkness and Lee.

I think that's it…RUN IT!

(Hanku gets up and knocks out Lee and Nick with a sledgehammer)

Hanku: Payback's a bitch!

Two Halves of a Whole Lee: Two Berserkers, A Texan and a Nick

Here we are in Hinata House where weird shit happens all the time, but what's weird now is Lee with a high-tech helmet on his head that seems to repress all, but happy emotions. Surprised by this, everyone asked Su to see what was up.

Keitaro: Su?

Shinobu: What's going on?

Kanako: Is there a reason behind this?

Motoko: Is he still normal?

Sarah: (freaked by the forced smile) Can you make him less creepy?

Naru: (trying to hide her glee and failing) Will he stay that way?

Kitsune: Can he still get it up (everyone looks at Kitsune and makes the "What the Fuck" face)? What?

Hanku: What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Kitsune: (smiles) Curiosity.

Hanku & Kanako: You're hopeless.

Sarah: So tell us what is with the helmet?

Keitaro: Yeah, this has your smell on it.

Su: Actually, it was Lee's idea.

Everyone minus Hanku: WHAT?

Hanku: Let me explain some of this since I am also involved. Lee was concerned about himself a few days ago so he had Su and myself construct a helmet to repress his anger.

Naru: (amazed) Cool. _That is actually possible?_

Hanku: No, not cool. You see, he told me something about his rage going out of control because he hasn't fought someone named Darkness in awhile.

Shinobu: Is that a relative of his?

Su: He didn't say, but he was really adamant on this procedure.

Hanku: Secretive too.

Motoko: (notices something on the helmet) What's with that meter on the left side of the helmet and why is it slowly turning red?

Hanku: That is his anger meter, I shows how much pent up rage he can have before he blows his top.

Su: (smiles) He can take a lot of punishment.

Hanku: But his meter would stop going up if Naru would STOP KICKING HIM IN THE NUTS!

Naru: (makes an innocent face) But he likes it, see (kicks him again)?

Lee: (almost like a robot) I like it.

Naru: And he doesn't feel anything (does it again)!

Lee: I like it.

Sarah: (punches his crotch) Say it.

Lee: I like it (Kitsune kicks him), I like it (Motoko follows suit), I like it.

(The others kept beating on Lee until Hanku noticed that the machine overloaded).

Hanku: Stop, the machine is overloading!

Lee: T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t that's o-okay I-I-I like i-i-i-i-it.

Hanku: (sees the helmet melt off Lee's head) Oh no, Su (sees Su punch Lee's back)…not good.

Naru: C'mon Shinobu it's fun and he won't get mad.

Shinobu: (uneasy) I-if he won't get mad (approached Lee whose expression changed from zombified happy to pissed the fuck off). EEK!

Naru: What's wrong (turns to see Lee but is greeted by a chokehold)? Hanku and Su, you two fucked up.

Hanku: It was your fault!

Lee lifts Naru a few feet from the ground and started punching her in the stomach five times followed by a Choke-slam on to the ground and again through a table knocking her out. Then Lee stared at the other residents with glowing red eyes that were scaring them shitless.

Kanako: Su, can you fix this?

Su: (starting to trip) The helmet is gone I can't do anything!

Lee: And you're not gonna try (kicks Su in the head knocking her out, then her punched out Kanako).

Kitsune: (freaking out) Hey, I barely did anyth…(Lee grabs her and Sarah and threw them out of the window after ramming them against each other a few times)

Lee turned towards Shinobu who screamed just before he advanced towards her. Keitaro ran in front of Lee to stop him, but he bitch-slapped him into a wall rendering him unconscious. Hanku grabbed him from behind, but got electrocuted and was sent flying into the wall closest to the T.V., his hand hit the power button turning it on right before Lee grabbed Shinobu by the neck and lifted her off the ground and started choking her. Shinobu was kicking like crazy trying to break free but couldn't. She was close to death, but Lee turned his head and saw something on T.V. that made him drop Shinobu.

Anchorman: Breaking News, a crazy dark-skinned guy said to be that NBA guy from two years ago is on a crazed rampage, disregarding human lives.

Lee: (angry) Darkness (Lee glowed gold, he grew a foot in size, became very muscular and was full of rage…in other words Broly only not quite as muscular), DARKNESS (takes off leaving everyone else to figure out what happened)!

Hanku: Oh shit.

Naru: What the hell just happened?

Hanku: Lee just went into Berserker Mode, it occurs when his rage peaks. He gets stronger each time he's attacked and he won't stop until his opponent is dead or if no one is around.

Keitaro: (pissed) You knew about this?

Hanku: Yes and Kaolla did too. In fact, Lee came to us to help him construct that helmet in the first place.

Kitsune: (sarcastic) We can see how much that worked.

Kanako: It did work we just pissed him off!

Keitaro: The main question is where did he go now?

Hanku: (starts to walk off) I know where he is just watch the T.V.

Naru: Do you even know what you're doing?

Hanku: Yes I do. _Well not really, but it's better than nothing._

(Back in Tokyo)

Darkness: IT'S OVER!

Nick awoke in time to roll away from Darkness' sword, and then he followed with a kick to the gut and five quick punches to the face. Darkness quickly countered with a punch that connected with Nick's face, sending him flying out of the building and into the middle of the street. Nick stopped himself and jumped over an oncoming car and got blasted by Darkness in mid-air. Nick fell on his back, but he did a Back-Hand Spring to get up, then he quickly dodged another energy ball that was fired at him.

Nick: _Dammit, is it me or did this guy just become stronger and faster?_

Darkness: (ki-teleports behind Nick) I did (tries to elbow Nick, who jumped to avoid it and followed with a kick that got blocked. Darkness grabbed that leg, punched Nick in the nuts and threw him against the ground where he bounced and landed on his feet).

Nick: (holding his crotch) That's it, time to pull out all the stops. FORM CHANGE (a White flash engulfs Nick and blinds Darkness, but when he was able to see again he saw a white aura surrounding Nick)! This is my Light Form.

Darkness: So what does that make you, a fuckin' fairy?

Nick: (stoic) No, I am like this when I am fighting for a righteous cause. In this case, it's to prevent you from killing people.

Darkness: You really are a fag.

Nick: (irritated) You won't think so after this, Light Speed (Nick elbows Darkness at such a quick speed that he didn't see it. He then followed with a punch to the stomach, a kick to the head, a kick to the crotch, five punches to the face stomach and crotch and flurry of kicks that would put Chun Li's Lightening Kick to shame and a finally a punch to the jaw that Darkness blocked and countered with a punch of his own which Nick blocked but it still made him skid ten feet)! _Damn, this guy can adapt quickly. Then again, I am fighting the Dark Version the guy from the Big Rig incidents._

Darkness: (starts laughing maniacally) Didn't expect that, so I retract my last statement. Now, show me what you can really do (a black aura surrounds him).

Nick: Fine then, Light Speed (tries rushes at him again, but this time Darkness avoided all but one kick to the chest, then he countered with a punch that connected with Nick's face and then he blasted him which caused him to bounce a few yards)! FUCK!

Darkness: (smiling evilly) Don't be mad, I've been doing this a lot longer than you have. Still, come on, Light Speed? You are just moving in super speed, that's it. There is nothing special in that.

Nick: (Starting to get angry) Then try this, DIVINE FURY (beams of light rain from the sky and they all strike Darkness, who just stood there and took it)! YES!

Darkness: What did I tell you about me and elemental attacks?

Nick: (frustrated) _That didn't work either, what is this guy?_

Darkness: Heheheheheheheheheh, HOLY LANCE (a white lance struck Nick and exploded on impact, but it barely did squat)! Oh ok, so you can take your own light element.

Nick: (really pissed now) You mock me?

Darkness: No, no, this is mocking (shape shifts into Nick and impersonates him). My name is Nick an 18-year-old douchebag that is a fan of someone, whom I hope can get me home. Right now I'm fighting Darkness who I thought I could beat but can't. I must be a complete and total dumbass (reverts back and starts laughing like crazy)! Man you're a tool.

Nick: (really angry) YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'LL KILL YOU…FORM CHANGE (becomes surrounded in a black and red aura, looks demonic develops fangs), TIME FOR YOU TO PERISH!

Darkness: (stops laughing stares at Nick like he doesn't know what's going on) Hey, that's not right (immediately get clocked by Nick), OW, WHAT THE FUCK?

Nick: (Completely enraged) NOW DIE: DEMONIC BLAST (fires a powerful beam of energy at Darkness, who stopped himself and got engulfed by the beam. He didn't get to scream or anything, but when the beam dissipated parts of Tokyo were destroyed and Darkness was on the ground face first but he quickly got up ten seconds later)! What?

Darkness: (breathing heavily for a little bit and then regained his composure…don't confuse that with sanity) You can't hurt me, you can't beat me, you can't stop me.

Nick: I don't know what you are talking about, but by the looks of things that beam did hurt you.

Darkness: Heheheheheheheheh, maybe so kid, but do you want to know what is worse than an insane person?

Nick: What?

Darkness: An insane person that is PISSED OFF: INSANE BERSERKER MODE (Darkness glowed sliver and the same thing that happened to Lee happened to him)! Yes…TIME TO DIE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Nick: NOWAY!

Both men collide into each other and start assaulting each other. Darkness got Nick in the gut but he recovered and went all out. Nick choked Darkness while kneeing him the stomach a few times, slammed him into the ground, threw him and kicked him in the back before he landed sending him into a skid. After he stopped Darkness got up to see his Nick advancing towards him.

Darkness: Looks like you've got more fight to you than I thought.

Nick: Did you think about this? RAGEFUL BERSERK (at this point Nick loses the rational part of his mind and becomes a being that is full of rage and death)!

Darkness: (sarcastic) Oh my god, the fruit angry now…(gets kicked in the nuts) Oh shit!

Nick then kicks him in the head sending Darkness straight up into the air for at least 20 ft. before kicking him in the face followed by a flurry of punches throughout Darkness' body until he grabbed both of Nick's fists and headbutts him three times with a knee to the face, another one to the stomach and throws him straight down but about halfway to the ground Nick stops himself just in time for the Dark entity to kick him straight down into the ground and stomp on his chest right after he hits the floor.

Darkness: (smiling evilly) Are you enjoying your pain (Nick stares at him looking like he wants to tear him apart)? Well I am (jumps off of him and kicks him in the chin sending him flying along the ground while Darkness runs along side him and starts punching and kick him while the man the flying close to the ground)! Die, die, die, die, DIE (finally tail whips him into the street where he bounced and the evil guy whipped him again and pinned him to the street)! Looks like the game is over.

Nick: (reverts back into himself) Noway.

Darkness: (energy forms in his right hand) Yes way, DIE NOW (gets hit by a car that was thrown at him)!

Nick: (gets up after Darkness was hit) What the hell?

Darkness: (recovers and is really pissed) WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT?

Lee: (just as pissed) ME!

Nick: (shocked) _Holy shit, is that Darkness' Light Half?_

Darkness: Looks like you've finally arrived.

Hanku: (just arrives) Holy shit, is that Darkness?

Darkness: The one and only (bows and then Lee tackles him). HEY (gets punched in the face eight times before he throws Lee off of him)! Dammit!

Hanku: (rushes to Nick while the two polar opposites are fighting) Hey man, you okay?

Nick: (slowly gets up) I'm assuming that the guy fighting Darkness is Lee.

Hanku: Your assumption is right, but how do you know about Lee?

Nick: I heard about an incident here that he was involved in two years back.

Hanku: Oh yeah, he told me about that.

Nick: In case you don't know I am not from this dimension, I am from his dimension and I assume that you are too.

Hanku: I see, you him to get you home.

Nick: Exactly, but that can't happen if he is killed (about to rush in but Hanku stops him). What are you doing?

Hanku: Hold on partner, I know what you're thinking but it's better to just let them fight it out. Lee doesn't say much about him, but he has told me that it is better to let him fight Darkness alone.

Nick: Why?

Hanku: Because in their fights they don't like interferences, anyone who interferes gets attacked by both of them.

Nick: I understand, but still it will take a lot for Lee to win.

Hanku: You fought him?

Nick: Yeah.

Hanku: (examines Nick) You don't look too banged up.

Nick: That's because I got mad skillz.

(A.N.: Skills is spelled wrong on purpose.)

Hanku: Really (touches Nicks left shoulder)?

Nick: (jumps at the pain) OW, THAT HURTS!

Hanku: Well, based on what Lee told me you should be dead by now.

Nick: See, mad skillz yo.

Darkness: (kicks Lee in the face and jumps back to get into a fighting stance) Lee, nice to see you before I kill you and take control of your body.

Lee: (rage really taking over) I've had enough of you Darkness (powers up), NOW DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE (charges at him)!

Darkness: BRING IT FUCKER (follows suit)!

Both fighters got close enough and started matching each other move for move for two minutes before grabbing each other's hands both trying to overpower each other and it got worse when they put their power into it.

Hanku: Dammit, this is getting nowhere!

Nick: The whole city might get destroyed if this keeps up!

(Back in Hinata House)

The residents were watching everything that was happening on the news.

Kanako: I don't get it, how did you all know to turn on the news.

Keitaro: Because of Lee's presence the last time he was here we there was more intense news coverage.

Motoko: Now we have a saying, "If Lee's out so is the media".

Naru: It was all bad press if you ask me.

Shinobu: But Naru, no one found out that he was staying here.

Sarah: That's right he made sure that no one traced anything back to him or us.

Naru: What about when he and Su blew up that flying machine those two Bounty Hunters piloted.

Su: He took all the parts, every screw, nut, bolt and washer all gone. I wanted some of those parts (pouts).

Naru: (annoyed) Still, that guy is a pain in the ass.

Kitsune: (horny) Still in that form he has a great ass.

Kanako: (punches Kitsune high into the air) THIS IS NO TIME TO GET OFF!

Kitsune: I beg to differ!

Keitaro: Hey look Hanku is there too (sees Nick), but who is that other guy?

Sarah: Looks like another American.

Motoko: Why are they just standing there? They should get in there and help Lee out!

Shinobu: There is probably a good reason why they are just standing there.

Naru: They're cowards.

Kanako: I doubt that, Naru.

Keitaro: (sees Lee get punched out) Oh my god Lee got punched out (sees Lee ki-teleport)! Where did he go?

Motoko: Shit, the camera can't track him!

(Everyone sees Lee come up from under Darkness and punch him in the nuts)

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH (sees him kick Darkness in the back of the head causing him to bounce a few times before hitting a Semi), OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

(In Tokyo)

Lee: Time to end this (gets into the stance Goku makes when he is about to do the Kamehameha Wave).

Darkness: (gets up and follows suit) My sentiments exactly (a white ball of energy appears in his hands and a red ball in Lee hands).

Hanku: Oh no, not an Apocalypse Destroyer!

Nick: This isn't good is it?

Hanku: Hell no.

To Be Continued…

Antics: Goth Girl Jenny

In Bakersfield, California a 5'4" gothic girl name Jenny just hopped a gate into Lee3's backyard to take another pathetic run at taking the author's life.

Jenny: (smiling evilly) Heheheheheheheheheh, it's 6 am and Lee3 is still asleep. He won't notice me break into his house creep into his room and stab him to death. It's brilliant, far beyond brilliant AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sweet Female Voice: (from behind Jenny) What is brilliant?

Jenny: The death of Lee3 (turns around to see a gigantic rose that opened up to reveal a 20ft. beautiful naked blonde woman stare at her with her blue eyes)! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Alrauné: (smiles) Hi, I'm Alrauné and my master sent me to protect our creator.

Jenny: (terrified) Oh my god.

Alrauné: What's wrong sweetie, were you planning on harming my creator only to fail again?

Jenny: Yes.

Alrauné: Oh, such an honest girl (quickly grabs Jenny), which is why I must crush you (squeezes Jenny tightly)!

Jenny: No…stop…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Alrauné: (smiles evilly) Don't worry it'll all be over soon.

Lee3: (walks outside) Hey, if you are gonna kill Jenny do it quietly I'm trying to sleep!

Alrauné: Yes my creator (Jenny takes out a knife and stabs the flower girl's hand). Ow (drops Jenny who then tries to run). You won't get away, cutie (vines come out of her hands and impale Jenny who fell over dead). Well we probably won't see her again.

Lee3: Yep, not until a few chapters from now, let's go inside it's cold out here (heads towards the door).

Alrauné: Coming (follows suit…don't ask me how she can walk).

Lee3: I know I've been out for a while, but that is because I've been working on a fanfic on deviantArt and one of the chapters was 53 pages (of printing paper) long…I kid you not. I'm back, thank you all for waiting patiently especially you Nick I know this wasn't easy for you. Hanku should be updating whenever his school lets him out for Christmas Break. I got another two weeks before I'm off and after that I should have more time to work on my fics for dA and this one here since I do plan to finish it. Thank you all and I hope I will see you all in December.


	11. A Nick of Fighting, a lot of Nudity

(A door opens and shuts and then a bunch of lights come on)

Lee3: Dammit, that chapter on dA took way to fuckin' long to do (plugs a bunch of stuff in and everything is hooked up). At least Hanku and Nick left everything ready to be set up. Sorry, for you all having to wait so long for me to finally update this thing, I've had to deal with a bunch of personal shit in my life and a chapter for a fic on dA took longer to write than intended.

Hanku & Nick: (appear out of nowhere) You said that you would be back in December.

Lee3: You left out hopefully. Anyway, I'm back and I'm gonna be here for a while this time.

Naru: WHAT, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Naru: (clams up) Yipe.

Nick: Disclaimer time.

Lee3: Right I don't own Love Hina or it's characters, if I did Motoko, Naru and Motoko would screw each other while Shinobu watched from another room and faint at the end. Lee and Darkness are mine, Nick and Hanku belong to…well, Nick and Hanku.

Christy: Redun…(gets shot by everyone)

Hanku: That redundancy thing stopped being funny three chapters ago.

Nick: I agree.

Lee3: Okay, let's get the ball rolling…RUN IT!

A Nick of Fighting, A Lot of Nudity and Hilarity

Hanku: DON'T YOU GUYS THINK THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE THIS FIGHT FURTHER AWAY?

Lee & Darkness: NO!

Hanku: (nonchalant) Just asking.

Nick: I guess reason was thrown out the window.

Hanku: The window, the window, the second story window.

Lee and Darkness ran towards each other while charging there respected finishers. They got close to each other and ki-teleported…above the city. Both attacks were ready to go, but both of them were trying to think of how to gain the upper hand. After a minute of that they got bored and they just launched the attacks at each other at close range…yeah reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllll smart. Both attacks collided and exploded sending both of them flying for five miles in opposite directions before bouncing and skidding along the ground before stopping. Darkness then started laughing maniacally, got up and rushed towards the a pile of concrete and rubble that collapsed on Lee and when he got there he punched the pile into oblivion and found nothing underneath. Suddenly Lee popped up and punched him in the gut and phased back into the ground while Darkness doubled-over for a few seconds before recovering…just in time to get punched in the crotch followed by him jumping out of the ground and delivering an uppercut that sent him flying for a few seconds.

Nick: (nonchalant) Heh, cool.

Hanku: I got a feeling that this won't last too much longer.

Nick: Why do you say that?

Hanku: Well, a little while ago Lee was filled with a blinding uncontrollable rage, but now it looks like he's more in control and stable.

Nick: Maybe it's the very presence or absence of one that affects the other.

Hanku: That's what I was thinking.

Nick: Really? I was just throwing it out there.

Lee flew at Darkness, but didn't expect the energy ball that flew at him, he deflected it into space, but got kneed in the gut and then suffered a headbutt. Lee tried to counter by swinging his tail but Darkness avoided it and swung his, Lee leaned to avoid it but the darker half swung again and Lee followed suit. Soon it turned into a tail fight and they were matching each other move for move. By now both fighters had had enough and they immediately powered up, turned and punched each other in the face really hard causing both of them to fall to the ground. However, anticipating this Lee quickly got up, drew his sword and tried to stab Darkness who quickly teleported away leaving an angry fight left enraged.

Lee: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, HIPPIE FUCK!

Nick: Um…(Hanku holds his mouth shut)

Hanku: (whispers) Don't do it, you have to wait for him to calm down first, the slightest noise might set him off (Nick sneezes). AWW SHIT (Lee turns and sees them)! NO!

Lee: DIIIIEEEE!

Lee charged at them while Hanku wiped the snot from his hand while he and Nick got into a fighting stance. Lee ki-teleported behind them and when the others turned around he was smiling and laughing.

Hanku: What the…?

Lee: (smiles) Looks like Darkness got away from me again (Hanku and Nick face-fault and fall over). What?

Hanku: (pissed) WHAT'S WITH THE SUDDEN MOOD SWING TO HAPPY GOKU, YOU WERE IN A RAGE MINUTES AGO!

Lee: That's because Darkness and I have gone too long without interaction with each other, but I'll explain that later. Who's your friend?

Hanku: Um…

Nick: I'm Nick, I'm a bit of a fan.

Lee: Oh thanks, was it you who was messing with the weather earlier today?

Nick: Yeah, wait you were the one who was changing it back?

Lee: Uh, huh I like natural weather patterns, which is why I stopped using that ability from when I was 13 until now and I'm 21.

Nick: Damn, and I though I was the only one who could do that.

Lee: A lot of the people who can choose not to do it for fear of permanent environmental damage.

Nick: Highly understandable. You guys wanna see something cool?

Hanku: Sure.

Lee: Yeah but hang on a second (eyes glow white). TIME REVERSAL (all the property damaged reversed itself back to before it became…damaged)!!! There we go (Hanku and Nick look at him with their eyes widened). What?

Hanku & Nick: YOU REVERSED TIME!

Lee: So, Hanku you already know that I'm a Guardian of Time & Space. Nick, I can understand why you're shocked.

Hanku: Still, you manipulated time!

Lee: Trust me, I never asked for that.

Nick: What wrong with…

Lee: (serious) It's made me a target. Anyway, what did you want to show us (smiles)?

Nick: Oh yeah (points to a 16 year old school girl). Keep your eye on that girl.

Hanku & Lee: Alrighty.

Nick: Good, keep looking (points at her and focused a little bit and her clothes disappeared).

Lee & Hanku: (jaws dropped) WHOA, SHE BUCK FUCKIN' NAKED!

Schoolgirl: (heard the shout looks at herself in the window and freaks out) HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES (runs away screaming while other people are chasing her with camera phones)?

Hanku: Run bitch run!

Lee: Let me see if I can still do this (does the same thing to a big breasted girl).

Big titted girl: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, MY BOOBS HAVE NO SUPPORT!

Hanku: Oh shit (gets a major nosebleed)!

Nick & Lee: (starts videotaping) Oh my god she's running…damn she's fast.

Hanku: (tries to get up) Don't mind me, I'll just…(Nick makes another girl naked) oh crap (bleeds again)!

Lee: Let's go for range (makes a girl from half a mile away naked).

Nick: (becomes determined) Oh it's on now.

Hanku: Uh, guys are you even listening to me (Nick and Lee start their Instant Nude contest giving Hanku to bleed waaaaaaaaayyy too much blood)? I guess not (passes out).

(40 minutes later at Hinata House)

Keitaro: (shocked) I can't believe it.

Naru: I'm not surprised.

Kitsune: (a little excited) Cool another American!

Su: Is he gonna be a new resident?

Motoko: That wouldn't surprise me.

Kanako: Probably another pervert.

Sarah: Someone Su & I can mess with.

Su: Yay!

Mutsumi (appears out of nowhere, freaking everybody out) Here, let's turn the TV up since we're all interested in the news.

Everyone: (surprised) MUTSUMI, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

Mutsumi: Um, around the right after Lee went berserk and took off and that other guy went after him (smiles).

Motoko: I didn't even sense your presence!

Kanako: (sighs) No one did Motoko.

Male TV Anchor: Panic has over taken Tokyo today when a bunch of hot girls' clothes just vanished…this is not bullshit. Reporting live at the scene is Momiji Fujiko, Momiji?

Momiji: Yes, it is indeed a panic as you can see here all of the girls in town are in a panic while every guy is staring at their boobs (her clothes disappear). This is a major travesty indeed and…are you okay sir?

Male TV Anchor: (holds in his laughter) I'm fine, but what about the perpetrators?

Momiji: (still doesn't notices that she's naked or that Nick, Hanku and Lee are 20ft. behind her realizing that their on TV) The police say they have not found any clues or have any witnesses, but they have a few assumptions.

Male TV Anchor: They are?

Momji: (the three Americans are still behind her but are ten feet away) That three Americans are the ones causing the panic.

Male TV Anchor: What do they look like?

Momiji: (Doesn't notice the three Americans playing with her big boobs) Actually, no one knows what they look like so they could very well be right here for all we know.

Male TV Anchor: (stoic) Like those three suspicious looking guys that are playing with your boobs?

Momiji: (looks around to find other girls screaming and running in a panic) What three guys?

Male TV Anchor: (sighs) Momiji, are you even aware that you're also a victim and that you are also doing this report buck freakin' naked?

Momiji: I'm what (looks down at herself to find that it's true and then freaks)? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, NO THIS IS EMBARASSING, EVERYONE WILL THINK THAT I'M A SLUT!

Male TV Anchor: You're already a slut, you fucked eight people in that work here, guys and gals.

Momiji: IT'S NOT THE SAME!

The Hinata residents were all laughing and Keitaro didn't get assaulted, which is strange, but good for him.

Keitaro: What a moron!

Sarah: (impersonates the Anchorman) "Did you know that there are three guys playing with your boobs?"

Naru: (impersonates Momiji) "What three guys?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that was hilarious.

Kitsune: (a little worried) Naru, you never laugh at Lee's shenanigans.

Shinobu: Hey that's right.

Su: You don't either Shinomu!

Shinobu: Yes, but…but…

Motoko: We know that Lee's jokes tend to rub folks the wrong way and that they humiliate us…well not you he likes you.

Naru: Yeah, why is that?

Keitaro: Because she doesn't act like an asshole to people.

Naru: (pissed) YOU ASSHOLE (punches Keitaro)!

Keitaro: I'M SORRY!

Lee: (appears out of nowhere) Ah yes, the "Anime Chick Moment" never fails.

Naru: (annoyed) How long have you been here?

Lee: Long enough, did you all watch the news?

Kanako: Yes, who was that other guy you and Hanku were with?

Nick: (shows up while helping Hanku stand) I'm Nick W. Fang nice to meet you all and in case you're all wondering Hanku lost too much blood, but he'll be fine.

Hanku: I'm recovering nicely.

Lee: That's actually good to hear, for a second there I thought we went too far with the gag.

Hanku: You did you assholes.

Lee: Naru you may want to take a step back.

Naru: Why (Keitaro falls on her)?

Nick: That's why.

Shinobu: Are you okay Sempai?

Keitaro: (gets up but is bleeding from his head) I'm fine.

Motoko: You okay Naru?

Naru: I'm fine, just peachy, ow.

Kitsune: Which one of you got the reporter?

Lee: I did, but Nick got most of the city.

Hanku: You also got a few in Hokkaido.

Lee: That far?

Nick: Now that's range.

Lee: I didn't think that it would go that far, I didn't mean to do it.

Nick: (smirks) Suuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrreeeeeee you didn't.

Hanku: That's my line.

Sarah: Let me guess, we have another guest.

Hanku: Yep, he actually has a reason to be here.

Kitsune: Let me guess, he's a fan of yours that somehow ended up in this dimension and the only way for him to get back is you.

Lee: You left out that he was from the same dimension as Hanku and I, but once again you destroyed my "Long-ass Explanation" (annoyed), this time before it started.

Kitsune: (smiles) Thanks Lee.

Lee: Shut up.

Su: (starts jumping up and down) Lee got punk'd by Kitsune again!

Sarah: Yeah (follows suit)! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shinobu: Um, shouldn't we introduce ourselves?

Nick: I know who you all are and I'll try not to be too much of a pain in the ass.

Everyone: That's impossible.

Hanku: Looks like you're accepted.

Haruka: (shows up out of nowhere causing Hanku to jump) Not just yet.

Keitaro: Haruka is right, everyone!

All the Hinata House Residents: WELCOME TO HINATA HOUSE NICK W. FANG!

Hanku, Lee & Haruka: Now, you're accepted.

Nick: Sweet.

To Be Continued…

Antics: Out of Sync

Lee3: Dammit, I was out of sync for this chapter.

Keitaro: That's because you've been gone for so long.

Hanku: We've all gone through this before and it's what makes us better writers.

Lee3: Now I know how they feel.

Naru: If you ask me trying to do three fics at once is a stupid idea.

Hanku: That's pretty rude of you.

Naru: What? It's true.

Lee3: No one asked for your opinion.

Naru: Well I'm giving it anyway and you idiots can't stop (trapdoor opens for under her and she falls in) MEEEEEEEEEEEE (hits the ground)! Ouch!

Nick: Hey, anyone knows what this button does (holds a controller with his finger on the Red button)?

Lee3: Don't hit that (Nick presses it and Lee3 and Hanku get ejected)…BUTTON!

Nick: (eyes widen) Opps, um sorry guys (runs out of the room).

Lee3: Okay, that's done. I gotta get the next chapter prepared in my head so I can do better than this. I gotta get back into the grove. Anyway, I'll see you all next time, hopefully a lot sooner than later.


	12. Shiny Happy Crazy Characters

Keitaro: Is this okay?

Naru: (smiles evilly) Perfect, we have another two months before Lee3, Hanku and Nick get back.

Kanako: Naru, I think we should try out that trigger light switch Su made.

Naru: Excellent, we don't want any problems (Kanako walks over to the switch, everyone puts on their Nightvision Goggles before Kanako shuts off the lights).

Sarah: (excited) This is gonna be awesome!

Motoko: Once those three turn on that light switch…

Haruka: It will activate all of these wonderful traps…

Mutsumi: (breezy) While we laugh in delight at their expense…right?

Keitaro: That's the jist of it.

Seta: Okay, how do we turn the lights back on without activating the traps?

Naru: Su, Kanako and I got it covered.

Shinobu: Will they get hurt really badly?

Keitaro: (smiles) We hope so.

Kanako & Sarah: Best prank (the lights come on and everyone turns to see that Lee3 turned them on)…SHIT!

All the traps went off and Team Hina was flying around all over the place while Lee3, Hanku and Nick just stood there watching what they thought was fun.

Lee3: (Stoic) They're having a good time.

Hanku: I concur.

Nick: None of this is odd to you guys?

Lee3 & Hanku: Not really.

Nick: (sighs) What's with you guys? Anyway, just start the disclaimer.

Lee3: I don't own the Love Hina characters or the series if I did…well this would happen only I would be part of it too. Nick and Hanku belongs to their respected creators and I don't own the characters of "Puny Puny Poemy", they belong to their creators which I think is Shinichi Watanabe aka. Nabeshin…or was it Rikdo Koshi? Ahh, fuck it anyway, if you don't know what I'm talking about just look it up on Youtube or something.

Shiny Happy Crazy Characters

A month has passed since Nick came to stay with the residents. He helped out around the dorm while Hanku was preparing for another game tournament and Lee hopping in and out of dimensions trying to get his body double up to speed on things at home since he does have a Part-time job there. Still pranks have been pulled but not nearly as often as the last time Lee was in Hinata House, but some things were the same, Naru was attacking Keitaro except he sometimes uses that evasion of his to get away, Su was still Su and Sarah was still her monkey and Haruka took a little time from her Honeymoon with Seta to grace everyone with her Nicotine-filled presence. Right now, the residents are waking up and they proceeded out to the hallway of their respected floors only to find a familiar surprise.

All of the Hinata Residence: (slips across the floor) WWWWWHHHHHHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH (falls down the stairs and they all hit the bottom floor)! OW!

Motoko: Not again!

Kanako: This has happened before?

Motoko: The last time the jackass was here.

Lee & Hanku: (from the ceiling) Hey, you guys better not have gotten those floors dirty after we spent on hour waxing them!

Sarah: Put a sign up next time!

Hanku: (throws a sign at her) There, read it.

Kitsune: Hey, where is the other one?

Hanku: Nick, he's over there mopping the wall.

(Everyone looks at Nick standing on the wall and mopping it and then they stare at Lee and Hanku defying the Laws of Physics while mopping the ceiling.)

Kanako: (surprised) Holy crap!

Keitaro: Well, let's go get breakfast.

Shinobu: I still need to make it.

Lee, Hanku & Nick: Not necessary we already made it.

Everyone but Kanako: Thank you.

Kanako: Wait, none of this is odd to any of you?

Naru: Kanako, nothing surprises us with them anymore.

Motoko: Americans aren't human, Kanako.

Tama: (flying by) Myuh.

Kuro: Let's just eat meow.

Kanako: (sighs) Okay.

Breakfast time is supposed to be a happy time where people bond together and be at peace. It's full of laughter, joy and people insulting each other.

Naru: You found a girlfriend yet?

Lee: No.

Naru: You suck.

Lee: You're boyfriend is a pussy.

Naru: He's a real man.

Lee: No, he's fuckin' gay.

Naru: You're just jealous of him.

Lee: (sarcastic) Like I'm jealous of a guy who let's his lover beat him up and doesn't demand respect.

Hanku: That was cold.

Nick: But truthful.

Kanako: (pissed) What do you know about my brother?

Lee: Uuuuuhhhh, I was here for a few months and saw a lot of stuff. Some of it I caused.

Motoko: Pain, suffering, humiliation.

Kitsune: We also had fun too.

Sarah: You just drank the whole time.

Kitsune: I do have a job, you know.

Keitaro: You're a Freelance Writer and you barely do that job.

Nick: Plus you drink…

Hanku: And you gamble.

Kitsune: Ah c'mon, give a girl a little love.

Motoko: More like a breath mint.

Lee & Naru: And A.A.

Su: (notices Shinobu trembling) What's the matter Shinomu?

Shinobu: (freaking out) N-Naru and Lee a-a-a-a-a-agreed on something.

Naru: (sighs) Mother…

Lee: Fuck.

Sarah: THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US AGAIN!

Motoko: NOOOOOOOO!

Kanako, Lee & Naru: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Nick: Okay, I'm assuming this has happened before.

Naru: Every time we agree on something this happens!

Lee: We never agreed on much, we just butted heads.

Mutsumi: (cheery) And sent you sent her flying.

Lee: Because she kept abusing Keitaro, there were only a few times where he actually deserved it.

Naru: That's crap.

Motoko: Naru, you know that most of them were accidents.

Lee: You're no better Motoko (Motoko blushes in embarrassment and keeps eating).

Su: (finishes eating) Thank you guys for making us breakfast!

Hanku, Nick & Lee: No problem.

Keitaro: Wait a second, they made this breakfast for us.

Naru: So?

Keitaro: (concerned) Think about it for a second, what happened the last time Lee made breakfast for us?

Sarah: (thinks back for a minutes and gasps) He put laxatives in the food!

Shinobu: I was farting all day.

Kitsune: The dorm smelled funny for three days.

Keitaro: And I had to clean up Sarah's mess!

Nick: You want a medal (focuses on Naru and renders her naked)?

Keitaro: (gets a nosebleed) Oh god!

Naru: What?

Motoko (trippin') You're…you're, you're…

Kanako: (nonchalant) Naked.

Naru: Yeah right (looks down at herself to find that she is naked). OH MY GOD!!!

Hanku & Lee: (stare at Naru but point to Nick) He did it.

Naru: (pissed) YOU PERVERTED BASTARD (leaps over the table but Lee grabbed her left breast, squeezed it, electrocuted her and sent her flying through the other floors, the roof and kept going until she became a star)! DAMN YOU!

Lee: (electricity still flows in his left hand for a few seconds) Um, sorry guys I guess I reacted (everyone stares at him wide-eyed). What? In any case I'm done eating, Hanku I gotta show you something.

Hanku: Okay hold on (finishes eating and follows Lee from the table).

Nick: (Waits for them to leave and then speaks) Okay, does that always happen?

Motoko: Yes.

Kanako: You all don't find it odd?

Kitsune: No it always happens.

Mutsumi: It's how they play!

Su: Yeah, playing a fun game like Sorry ®™, hahahahahahaha.

Sarah: Excatly.

Shinobu: I hope she'll be alright.

Keitaro: Don't worry Shinobu, Naru will probably fall and hit something that will knock her back in here.

Naru: HOLY CRAP (fall onto the front walkway only to get blown up by one of Lee's landmines, then she crashed through a window and got stuck in a wall)! OW!

Keitaro: Naru are you okay?

Kanako: How many landmines does that leave?

Sarah: I think it's five…at least I think.

Kitsune: Su, did you ever mark those?

Su: Actually, Lee cloaked them so even he couldn't track them.

Kitsune: He must have memorized their locations!

Su: All but one and it was a really big one.

Mutsumi: (giggling) What a dummy.

Tama: Myuh.

Kanako: _Should this girl even be talking?_

Shinobu: I just realized that so far nobody got punched in the face.

Motoko: Instead somebody got electrocuted and blown up (points to Naru who is being comforted and kissed by Keitaro).

Naru: (in pain) I really hate that man.

Motoko: We know Naru, we know.

(Meanwhile outside Hinata House)

Hanku: Okay dude, what did you want to show me?

Lee: Something really cool and it's under this tarp (removes the tarp to reveal a laser gun that looks like the shrink machine from "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves"). Cool huh?

Hanku: What is it?

Lee: A dimension gun, it can send things to other dimensions bring them here or destroy shit.

Hanku: Is this what you were building for the last three days?

Lee: (smiles) Yep.

Hanku: Why?

Lee: …I was bored okay? Anyway, let's fire it up.

Hanku: (gasps) Hold on (Lee pushes the "Bad Shit will go Down" button)!

Lee: What?

Hanku: Nevermind.

A multi-colored laser is fired and creates a dimensional hole twenty feet away. Ten seconds later it went unstable and the machine started to malfunction.

Lee: Oh goddammit (tries to shut off the machine)!

Hanku: (nonchalant) It malfunctioned didn't it?

Lee: Yeah.

Hanku: Well shut it off!

Lee: I did, the machine takes a few seconds to shut off (eight girls ranging from 3-28 flew from the hole right before it closed). Oh great now I have to send them back to…(the machine falls apart and explodes) AHHHHHH GODDAMMIT!

Hanku: (looks at the girls closely as they were getting up) Hey Lee?

Lee: (still frustrated about his machine breaking down) What is it now?

Hanku: Don't those girls look familiar to you?

Lee: What do…(sees them and gets wide-eyed) Uh-oh.

All the Hinata Residents showed up and they were also shocked at what they were seeing.

Su: (cheery) Look, we got new playmate!

Sarah: Awesome!

Keitaro and Naru: (freaked and pissed at the same time) Lee, Hanku, what did you guys do?

Hanku: Me (points at Lee)? He did it's his machine!

Lee: It was a demonstration that went wrong.

Hanku: And now we have the cast of "Puni Puni Poemy" here.

Lee: Well most of them anyway.

Nick: (barely gets any of this) Uuuuuhhhh…okay.

?????: Excuse me, where are (sees Lee and freaks) IT'S YOU!

Lee: Uh, hi Nanase.

Keitaro: You know her?

Motoko: You know them?

Lee: Yes and yes. This lady's name is Nanase, the lady with the small boobs is Mutsumi…

Mutsumi: SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!

Lee: What, you're still hot (Mutsumi blushes). The purple haired girl with the purple hair who isn't dressed like a dominatrix this time is Itsue.

Itsue: I know you still want me.

Lee: (sarcastic) Yeah like I want to be whipped again. Shii is the girl who looks like Hyatt with huge titties, Mitsuki is the girl with the ponytail, Futaba is the little blue-haired girl and Hitomi is the little three year old.

Hitomi: (looks like she's about to shit) Something's coming.

Lee: Yeah, we know you're about to shit. Anyway, those are the Seven Crazy Aasu sisters.

Kanako: Who is the short pygmy girl that is like Su on crack?

Hanku: Poemi Watanabe, a hyper-nut, dumbass (whispers) and Futaba's love interest.

Kanako: Oh.

Poemi: Nice to meet you all!

Nick: Lee?

Lee: Yeah?

Everyone: YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!

Lee: (sighs) I know.

To Be Continued…

Lee3: Finally, we've reached the crossover. No Antics short this time and things will be funnier from here on out. See you all later.


	13. Puni Puni Oh God No

Lee3: (enters the room where Hanku and Nick are waiting for him) Hey guys.

Nick: Took you long enough.

Hanku: What happened?

Lee3: A story on DA took longer than it was supposed to, I just started school and Poemi kept me up all night. She ran Su ragged, anyway, it's disclaimer time.

Hanku: You all should now who owns who by now.

Nick: You suck if you don't.

Lee3: I don't own the Puni Puni Poemi cast that belongs to…I think J.C.Staff and ADV. I don't own any of the Puni Puni Poemy songs that might be in the next few chapters. Okay, RUN IT!

Puni Puni Oh God No

Naru: (angry) Okay Lee, you need to start explaining right now!

Nick: Yeah!

Lee: Alright, shut up! I was just giving Hanku a demonstration of my new Dimensional Gun, but it accidently brought these girls here and it fell apart and blew up on me.

Keitaro: Okay, so how do these girls know you?

Poemi: (moving her body everywhere) That'sbecauseayearagohecamecrashingthroughtheceilingoftheAasufamilyhouseholdandsincehedidn'thaveaplacetostayhestayedwiththemandItsuewascoolwithitbecausesheenjoyedwhippingandtryingtogethimtosubmitbuthewouldn'twhichmadeherhornyandShiishovedherboobsinhisfacewhilemakingfunofMutsumiwhobarelyhasboobsatall…

Mutsumi: (embarrassed) Okay, that's enough.

Kitsune: So how do you know all this?

Poemi: My parents the director and Ms. Kumi Kumi let me stay with the Aasu family for a month while they were out of town.

Sarah: She talks normal and really fast…I'm scared Su.

Su: It will be fine Sarah.

Kanako: Hold on, your parents let you stay at a house full of strangers for a month?

Hanku: Actually, Poemi is a friend of the family, especially Futaba.

Kanako: Oh.

Nanase: Everyone, we are…

All the Sisters: THE AASU SISTERS!

Lee: More like the Seven Crazy Lame Aasu Sisters.

Nanase: (obviously offended) How dare you insult us!

Lee: Oh please, you morons can't even use offensive abilities and the one who can needs Poemi's help.

Futaba: And I love doing it.

Hanku: Isn't that because you grab her ass while doing it?

Futaba: (blushes) Yes.

Poemi: (clueless) I don't get it.

Nick: In any case, can we get an introduction going?

Lee: I'll do it and I'll start from the oldest sister to the youngest and the family friend. The brunette girl in the yellow shirt and orange skirt with orange flats is Nanase Aasu age I think 29 now?

Nanase: Correct.

Lee: Nice, anyway she's the head of the household and strictly follows family traditions a few of them being bizarre, so Naru don't attack any of the guys while following the togetherness tradition.

Naru: What's that?

Hanku: You'll know when you see it.

Lee: Nanase has this power called "Earth Dance of Flowers", it's a Sailor Moon-like power that couldn't beat a hippie.

Nanase: Hey!

Lee: What, it didn't work on that robot.

Nanase: Damn.

Lee: Next is 24 year old Mutsumi Aasu (points to the short purple haired girl with a white miniskirt, magenta stockings and white sneakers), she's known for having really small tits and a kansai accent for no reason.

Sarah: Like Kitsune?

Kitsune: Hey, I have big breasts thank you very much!

Motoko: She meant the accent.

Kitsune: Oh.

Motoko: Besides, I have bigger boobs than you.

Mutsumi: (feeling embarrassed) Can we stop talking about boobs?

Nick: Um, yes…can we?

Lee: Yes we can. Anyway, she's I guess the more serious one and she has an inferiority complex around Shii for an obvious reason which you'll soon find out. She has the ability called Earth Breakfall, which allows her to fall safely after any attack. Though it's a stupid power she took a laser with it. Besides, once you've shot her out of an eight story office building and doesn't get injured what else is there, huh, huh?

Mutsumi: I told you it was pretty good.

Lee: Yet all of us here except most of you sisters think it's stupid.

Mutsumi: Shut up.

Lee: Okay, let's move onto 20-year-old Itsue Aasu. Get a good loooooooooooong look at black shirt purple miniskirt and black pumps because you won't be seeing her in that outfit or any normal outfit for a looooooong time.

Kanako: Really?

Hanku: Really.

Nick: What does she normally wear (Hanku whispers in his ear)? Oh my god, talk about boner central.

Hitomi: SHE'S A BONDAGE QUEEN (Lee throws a rock at her)! OW!

Lee: This is my introduction dammit, I'll get to you.

Hitomi: Sorry.

Lee: Anyway, Itsue has a power called Earth Barrier which is the only good defensive power.

Mutsumi: (appears out of nowhere) What does it do?

Mutsumi A.: It blocks shit, c'mon it's a barrier!

(A.N.: I forgot about the Love Hina Mutsumi so from here on I'm calling the Puni Puni Mutsumi, Mutsumi A.)

Lee: She dresses up like a dominatrix all the time so she'll try to make everyone submit to her…but you all will probably get off lightly because I'm here and she'll be chasing me (Naru's mouth hangs open). I agree with you there Naru.

Sarah: Oh my god Lee…

Nick & Motoko: Stop it!

Lee: Thank you. Before I introduce the next Aasu sister I must warn the violent girls, which is all of you except Shinobu that if you attack Keitaro while she's here I will break your arms. Su this includes some of your normal crap.

Su: Why?

Hanku: You'll soon find out.

Lee: Exactly, okay, our next girl is…(eyeing a big breasted girl who looks like Hyatt with a pink button shirt, maroon skirt and maroon slip-on shoes playing with her breasts) goddammit Shii, can't you stop playing with your boobs every few seconds?

Shii: But they feel so…

Lee: I know good.

Shii: And they're so…

Lee: Heavy I know I got it. Anyway, this is Shii Aasu, she just turned 19 and is known to rest her boobs on things and people and play with them constantly, hence the warning. She has the ability called Earth Healing…think Sailor Moon gone retarded.

Shii: Is it that bad?

Lee: You got blasted while doing it what do you think?

Mitsuki: I'll introduce myself I am Mitsuki Aasu, 16 years old, 2nd year in high school and I can run really fast with my Earth Acceleration power.

Lee: Which is also like, Road Runner, Rev Runner, Speedy Gonzales, Superman, Flash, Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog and Espio gone retarded.

Mitsuki: (shocked) How can you say that?

Hanku: I'll explain it, it's because you run around in a circle hoping to create a tornado but instead you look like a jackass (starts laughing)!

Lee: Plus you talk really fast sometimes while you do it. It has some good qualities, but it just sucks. Anyway we are winding down and I'll introduce you all to 11-year-old Futaba Aasu.

Futaba: (cheerful) Hi.

Lee: She has the lame sacrificial lamb power and it causes her sister to say (impersonates Nanase) "Stop Futaba, you mustn't use your power"! She can make things gentle by wishing it upon them…it doesn't really work. Anyway, she has an offensive move called Catharsis Flash, but she needs Puni Puni Poemy to do it.

All the Shinobu: She's cute.

Hanku: She's a lesbian.

Shinobu: (freaks) WHAT?

Lee: Okay, last is Hitomi Aasu.

Hitomi: Hitomi is almost 4.

Lee: Yes and I hope you still don't have bowel problems.

Hitomi: (shits her diaper) Damn.

Lee: You're gonna get eaten alive in preschool. Anyway, her power is Earth Precognition, basically, she sees things coming, which doesn't help you in the middle of battle.

Motoko: It must be good for knowing if there are perverts around.

Lee: Like you?

Nick: Or Naru, Kanako, Hanku, Keitaro, the dominatrix girl and well all of us here?

Motoko: Shit.

Sarah: Ha, ha, he got you bitch!

Motoko: (clutches her sword) Wanna get sliced to pieces?

Sarah: (meekly) No.

Keitaro: Hey, there will be no slicing today thank you.

Lee: Wow, Keitaro has balls now. Anyway, the last person I want to introduce is…

Poemi: (cuts him off) Hi everyone. I'm Poemi Watanabe calling myself Kobayashi! I'm 11yearsold5thstudentatDogstewElementaryandIcantransformintoPuniPuniPoemywhichisohsofun!

Keitaro: (brain shut off) What?

Hanku: Her name is Poemi Watanabe, but she also calls herself Kobayashi. I won't explain the rest because we're gonna find out in the Antics shorts.

Keitaro: Really, when?

Nick: I think now.

To Be Continued…

Antics: Poemi is a Hypernut

It has been 4 hours since Poemi and the Aasu sisters we're allowed to stay in Hinata House and everything seemed fine. Well, if you consider Poemi's energetic personally combined with Kaolla Su's fine.

Su: (uber cheery) It is so much fun here we can play games if you want!

Poemi: Like?

Su: "Kick Keitao in the Head", "Rock, Paper, Flash the Manager", "Panty Exposure"…

Sarah: Basically games that get our manager in trouble.

Poemi: Oh you mean to give him a hard-on. SobasicallyyoutwoarehellbentondoingobscenethingstohimthatinvolvehimgettingpunchedbytheweirdgirlwithantennaehairandasfunasitsoundsIhavetodecline.

Su: Why?

Sarah: You got all of that? 

Poemi: Kobayashi is the Earth and being so I cannot participate in something so vile as that (leaves).

Su: (quizzical) Kobayashi is the Earth?

Sarah: (confused) Who is Kobayshi?

Antics: Bath Time is Bonding Time with the Aasus

The Hotsprings in Hinata House are wonderful, without Lee and Naru fighting each other because one saw the other naked. Well, this isn't one of those times.

Motoko: This is so embarrassing.

Naru: I can't believe this.

Hanku: We did warn you all.

Keitaro: Still, it's uncomfortable!

Lee: What's so uncomfortable about this, it's not like we don't have parts that the rest of us haven't seen already.

Tama: Myuh.

Kanako: Really, what about you?

Lee: What about me?

Kanako: Your right arm is almost completely covered in a bio-metallic substance as well as, your lower back, small sections of your ass, your left bicep and almost your entire left leg!

Lee: You forgot my left eye.

Nick: What?

Lee: I have a cyber eye (his left eye transforms into a bio-mechanical eye that glows red). If anything happens to my left eye this takes its place for a while.

Mutsumi: Part of your tail has this metal stuff too.

Lee: Really (looks back to see that it does)? Well I'll be damned.

Shinobu: Um, are you some kind of…um, what is it?

Su: (cheerfully) Cyborg!

Lee: Oh no, I'm not a cyborg. Look, I'll get into that stuff later.

Motoko: He is hiding something. 

Kitsune: In any case what is with the togetherness?

Nanase: It's an Aasu family tradition (holds up a picture of one of her ancestors).

Keitaro: So why are…

Mitsuki: Tradition.

Itsue: I never liked this part of the tradition.

Hanku: You work in an S & M place as a Bondage Queen, one would think you would enjoy it most of all.

Itsue: Well I don't!

Lee: Yet you're a horny bitch.

Itsue: (smiles) Only when I'm near you.

Lee: Such a lie.

Hitomi: She's like that all the time.

Itsue: HEY!

Mutsumi: I noticed that and I barely know you.

Shii: Even the Mutsumi with the knockers notices the hypocracy.

Tama: Myuh!

Mutsumi: You're so right Tama-chan!

Itsue: Up yours turtle!

Nick: Hey don't insult the turtle you asshole!

Itsue: Shut up shithead!

Futaba: (about to cry) Please, stop everyone.

Lee: No crying Futaba.

Poemi: Don't insult Futaba or I'll…

Lee: What, bus-gas me to death? Go work on a some plan to get that boy to like you.

Poemi: Hey, I'll get K eventually, because my booty's got it going on!

Lee: You need an actual ass to have it going on.

Naru: Don't destroy a young girl's dream you ass (punches Lee)!

Lee: Shut the fuck up Antennae Head (punches her in the face)!

Keitaro: Stop fighting my girlfriend!

Hanku: Stop being a fruit!

Keitaro: I'm not a fruit!

Su: Is Keitaro tasty?

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Nick: This is gonna be interesting.

Motoko: Yes it will, Nick, yes it will.

Lee3: Well that it for this chapter, I probably won't be back for awhile, but I will submit another chapter in a few months. Anyway, I'll see you all next time.


	14. Someone Crazier than Kaolla Su

Nick: Yo Hanku, is Lee3 late again?

Hanku: Looks like it (hears a toilet flush), or maybe he was in the bathroom.

Lee3: (comes out and zips up his pants) Oh good you guys made it. I got here 2 hours ago, but things seem to have fallen apart here so I've been fixing them. Of course I needed to use the toilet, which I also fixed.

Nick: Where have you been, deviantart?

Lee3: Yep, I'm working on two fanfics over there, but don't worry, I haven't abandoned this one. Besides, I got a review of someone who likes the Puni Puni Poemy crossover, so I gotta keep going anyway.

Hanku: Well anyway, it's time for the disclaimer.

Lee3: Yep, I don't own Love Hina if I did, there would be titty sucking and Su would be…no she'd still be Su. I don't own Hanku, Hanku does, I don't own Nick, Nick does. Yes, I know, redundant, but there is no other way to say it. Oh, and I don't own the Puni Puni Poemy cast, that's J.C.Staff's stuff. Okay I think that is it for the legal stuff…RUN IT!!

Someone Crazier than Kaolla Su

After bath time and dinner time everyone had to put up with Poemi's hyperactivity it was time to go to bed. When midnight struck, Hanku and Lee heard weird noises and came out to see what's up. They both ran through the hall down to the first floor, Hanku went out to the back where the Hot Springs are, while Lee went out the front door.

Lee ran out a little ways and then turned to find Katherine about to attack him. He barely dodged her vertical slash which left her off balance. He grabbed her through into a post and pinned her to it the blade of his sword pressed against her chest.

Katherine: (blushes as she looks up at Lee) My, you've gotten taller.

Lee: (serious) That's because in this world a couple of years have passed as opposed to almost a year in our dimension. Why are you after us?

Katherine: (her cat ears and tail pops out) I'm just here to see you.

Lee: Since when did you have kitty ears and tail?

Katherine: Since always, don't I look cute?

Lee: I don't find chicks that try to capture or kill me, cute.

Katherine: Hmm, well anyway I'm wanted to tell you that we are watching you.

Lee: Not surprising, you're probably getting off while doing it.

Katherine: Yeah, but I think it's because I want you or I want to kill you.

Lee: You want to kill me plain and simple.

Katherine: True, but I did want to tell you that I saw a couple of girls looking for you.

Lee: Right, who else would look for me here?

Katherine: Apparently twins and another chick, an older one with a katana.

Lee: Sounds like Tsuruko…but how does she know that I'm back?

Katherine: I don't know, but I like my current position.

Lee: I bet you do (hears a scream and steps back right before Kathy flew into Katherine causing them to fall down the steps and injure themselves). I really hate those two.

Hanku: (jumps over the roof and lands behind Lee) Should we go after them?

Lee: (sees them get up and limp away) No, they're not going to do anything. Besides, based on what Katherine told me, there are others on looking for me, so they can't make a move. Don't worry they aren't bounty hunters, which is the vibe I got from her. Did you go at it with Kathy?

Hanku: No.

Lee: (quizzical) Then why did she go flying?

Hanku: Well, she surprised me so I sent her flying.

Lee: That explains a lot. Okay, let's go back inside (heads for the front door).

Hanku: (follows suit but is still concerned) Are you sure that they won't do anything else?

Lee: Not for awhile, but I wonder about this older girl that was mentioned.

Hanku: What do you mean?

Lee: Katherine said that to twins and an older woman was looking for me. I think the older woman is Tsuruko wanting a rematch.

Hanku: Yikes, the twins?

Lee: Probably Lynn and Launa since I don't know very many twins.

Hanku: Shouldn't you do something?

Lee: Eh, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

(6:00 AM, the next morning)

Everyone was asleep until a shout so loud was heard throughout the house that only Lee, Hanku and Nick, who were in subspace avoided it.

Poemi: KOBAYASHI WILL NOT BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!

Everyone: (jumps through the floors/ceilings) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Mutsumi A.: (land on her head) I forgot that she had crazy lung power.

Itsue: (lands on her back) I wish Hitomi saw that coming.

Hitomi: (lands on Itsue's stomach knocking her out) That's not my fault.

Mutsumi A.: I just wonder how the residents will be able to handle Poemi?

Keitaro: (holding his chest and breathing heavily) What the hell was that (Naru falls through the hole and lands on the kotestsu (or whatever that heating desk is called). Are you okay Naru?

Naru: Yeah, but what was that?

Poemi: (excited) COOL, THERE IS A FLYING TURTLE HERE!

Motoko: (shrieks) ACK, GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

Kitsune: Tama isn't near you Motoko.

Motoko: SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

Su: Yay, it's morning!

Sarah: Fun time!

Nanase: That can't be good.

Shinobu: It isn't.

Keitaro: (sighs) This day is gonna be hell.

(Subspace)

Somehow the noise made it's way to the subspace room Lee, Hanku and Nick were sleeping in and they started to wake up…after Lee fell and landed on his head.

Lee: Ow, fuckin' TV!

Hanku: (half asleep) There is no television in here.

Lee: Oh yeah.

Nick: What the hell is that noise?

Lee: Poemi shouting about school or boning the director…one of those two.

Nick: That must suck.

Hanku: Let's hope she doesn't do Attention Drills.

Lee: No kidding, let's go greet the wackos (a door appears and three guys open the door and walk through it to enter Keitaro's room). Oh god the cacophony is even worse.

Naru: She keeps saying something about Attention Drills!

Nick: What?

Hanku: Oh no!

Lee: Oh no!

Keitaro: (impersonates Kool-Aid man) Oh yeah (the other four stared at him and punched him through the roof)! OH MY GOD THEY ALL WORKED TOGETHER THIS TIME!!

All four of them: Idiot.

Naru: Lee, do you know what is going on?

Lee: Poemi is hyperactive and is always like that everyday (Hanku and Nick run to the danger). I don't know how to calm her down…in fact, I'm sure that anything does.

Naru: So, she's always wastefully energetic?

Lee: That's what everyone says and what I've seen.

Su: (from the first floor) I like this girl, she's fun!

Lee: (eyes widen) Those two are together? Oh for the love of all that's holy we gotta get down there (rushes downstairs with Naru behind him)!

Poemi: Wow, you're like a walking tech-girl cliché, huh?

Su: Is cliché a food?

Poemi: Kobayashi doesn't know.

Motoko: How could you not know you just said it?

Poemi: Kobayashi always says things that she doesn't know.

Kanako: Somebody is stupid.

Poemi: Are you one of those girls that want to fuck her brother?

Kanako: (blushes) No…yes!

Poemi: You're nasty.

Itsue: I agree.

Kanako: We are stepbrother and sister.

Itsue: Oh.

Nanase: That's okay.

Mutsumi A.: That's acceptable.

Mutsumi: Nice to know that no one thinks that is weird.

Hanku & Nick: We do.

Futaba: Yeah, but no one cares about the guys in Japanese related stuff anyway.

Lee: (shows up) That stupid trend is happening in America too.

Itsue: (readys her whip and smiles evilly) The man of the hour has arrived.

Lee: Calm down you sex-crazed wacko. What's going on?

Itsue: Poemi is being herself.

Motoko: (eyes widen) Hold on, are you saying that this is normal?

Mitsuki: Yeah, this is a pretty normal thing.

Kanako: Okay, I am going to be honest, that girl is like Su and Sarah on crack (hears an explosion from the front of the dormitory and the two mentioned girls go flying through the window).

Lee: That's another one.

Mitsuki: Another what?

Hanku: (shows up) Landmine.

Mutsumi A. (shows up out of nowhere) Landmine, you put landmines around this place?

Hanku: Don't look at me (points at Lee), he planted the mines.

Lee: I did, but only in the front, I didn't plant them anywhere else. Plus, it was as a joke, not to hurt anyone.

Motoko: Yeah right.

Lee: Motoko, if I planted them to hurt someone, would Naru be alive today?

Motoko: (takes 5 minutes to think about it) No.

Lee: Exactly.

Hanku: You did know that it took five minutes for her to think about it, don't you?

Lee: Yeah. Anyway, we better go help Keitaro repair the wall.

Hanku: Oh yeah, let's get to it (both of them leave to get the tools).

Motoko: Does anyone of you fight with swords?

Mutsumi A: We're defensive specialists we are usually on defense.

Motoko: That sucks.

Mitsuki: It's worse when I three year old says that we suck.

Motoko: Even worse that Lee saying it?

Mutsumi: It would because a three year old has the intelligence to say that someone sucks because most children of that age can barley talk at all.

Kanako: As opposed to someone that is 22 years old and a smart-ass.

Mitsuki: We do suck at protecting the Earth, but someone has to do it.

Everyone: That is true.

(Kitchen)

Shinobu just finished making breakfast for everyone with the help of Nick and Futaba. Does anyone other than me finding the little kid cooking a bit of a cliché? I mean it's cute and all, but after a while you wonder, don't the adults know how to cook? I'm assuming that they teach cooking in Japanese schools, so why can't any of these adults cook a fucking thing? Didn't they go to the schools with the same setup? Seriously, what lazy-asses and they are, especially Kitsune. She needs to do some work or actually go to work. Does, she even pay her rent at all?

Shinobu: (meekly) Excuse me?

Narrator: Yes?

Shinobu: Could we get started now, you're taking up the whole scene.

Narrator: Sorry.

Nick: Okay, our scene pretty much got stolen.

Futaba: Well, we can still salvage it.

Shinobu: I don't think that breaking the fourth wall is salvaging anything.

Futaba: You're right.

Shinobu: Nick, can you take…

Nick: Yes (grabs the pot of Spicy-hot Curry without any gloves and still holds on to the pot as his hands burn). Ow.

Shinobu: (gasps) Um, Nick are you okay.

Nick: (in pain but trying not to show it) I'm…fine, where do you want this?

Shinobu: The center of the table, please (Nick rushes over to the table and puts the hot pot in the center, then let's go).

Nick: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! OH MY GOD, I'M IN PAIN, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH (rushes to the sink and pours cold water on the burns)!

Futaba: Are you okay?

Nick: I'm fine.

Shinobu: You are not fine, let me bandage those up (gets some bandages and does so in a way that rivals a doctor). There you go.

Nick: Um, thanks.

Shinobu: You're welcome.

Nick: Hey Futaba, how much do you love Poemi?

Futaba: Futaba uber loves her so much. I want her to make love to me so badly!

Nick: (shocked) WHAT THE FUCK?

Shinobu: Oh my god, how could you be that forward Futaba, don't your parents scold you for saying things like that?

Futaba: (giggles) Poemi said the same thing.

Nick: (whispers to Shinobu) Futaba is creepy.

Shinobu: I agree.

Nanase: (pops in from behind Nick) She is, but we still love her, right Futaba?

Futaba: Uh-huh.

Shinobu: I think I'm traumatized.

Nick: I know I am.

(Hotsprings)

Hitomi, Su, Sarah and Poemi (thought I had forgotten about her) are sitting in the hotsprings enjoying themselves. Wait, when did Su and Sarah get to the hotsprings, didn't something happen?

Sarah: This is a humor fanfic, is it supposed to make since?

Narrator: No, but I'm trying to avoid continuity errors.

Su: You probably already made five of them!

Narrator: Shut up.

Poemi: You two shouldn't argue with the director because one time I did and my teacher threatened to rip out my uvula.

Sarah: But he's the narrator, not the director.

Narrator: Still doesn't make it okay.

Poemi: Yeah, I need my uvula!

Sarah: He meant fighting with the narrator, idiot.

Poemi: Yeah, I agree too.

Sarah: Have you ever been in a whacked out story before?

Poemi: Oh yes and the premise was so messed up. The director and Ms. Kumi Kumi were killed by an evil alien with a hanging ball thingy…

(Five minutes later)

Poemi: Then I took a nuke and destroyed a whole country…

Sarah: (slowly losing her mind) She's still talking and moving around.

(Twenty-minutes later)

Poemi: (moving around for no reason) I'm beginning to think that Futaba is a lesbian, but I'm not sure, is she a lesbian or does she just want me as a really good friend? Oh well it doesn't matter because I'm an aspiring voice actress and I'm going to do my attention drills, A, B, C, D, E…

Hanku, Lee & Naru: (from a distance) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Poemi: Bus gas, blast gust, bus gas, blast gust, bus gas, blast gust, bus gas, blast gust!

Su: (lost it and fires her laser gun wildly) MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Narrator: Hey wait a second, don't point that at me (gets shot and everything stops)!

Poemi: Uh-oh!

Sarah: Oh shit, you shot the narrator!

Su: I didn't mean to, but he's still alive though (smiles).

Keitaro: (shows up out of no where panicing) STOP SMILING YOU IDIOT, WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE (everyone takes off running leaving the narrator unconscious)!

To Be Continued…

Sorry, no Antics short this time, I'm way late with this. I can't wait until summer though, then I'll have more time and I'll do a better job in the next chapter.

I need to focus more on a college class now, so I don't fail it, I'll see you all next time.


End file.
